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<blockquote data-quote="MommaK" data-source="post: 689238" data-attributes="member: 20354"><p>Daughter asks to spend time with mother in law and agrees to spend time with mother in law when mother in law asks. Daughter has a bad issue with wanting to play one against the other. If she is with husband or mother in law she calls me. If she is with me she calls mother in law and it always happens when someone either doesn't give her exactly what she wants when she wants or tries to enforce a hard rule. In our home we have hard rules such as respect for others,their things and their time, completing the couple of chores assigned, and taking medications. Others are soft rules that we are much more flexible with like use of cell phone, dinner as a family type stuff. If she gets called out for not being respectful (it's ok to disagree but do it respectfully) then we are not being understanding. If she last minute informs us she has made plans and we don't let her do them, then are not trying to be understanding of her needs. Daughter thinks it's perfectly ok for her to become angry with people, but no one is supposed to become angry with her. In her mind it's ok for her to make a mistake but no one else is supposed to make a mistake. It's ok for her to show emotions when happy angry or irritated but we are not supposed to. Lately she has tried to make me tell her my plans and clear them with her before I do anything. She recently told me I'm not allowed to go outside at home (I sit on the deck or driveway and enjoy the good weather) unless I tell her where I am going first because she may need me and not know where to find me. Keep in mind I have always done this and she has found me outside to tell me this.</p><p></p><p>mother in law is honestly trying to learn, but changing her thinking is a slow process. mother in law has her issues, but with dad not being much support, mother in law is my support. Amazingly we are on very similar pages when it comes to daughter tho that has not always been the case. My goal is not to control my kids. I cant. They were born with minds of their own and form their own opinions and thoughts. My goal is to guide and teach them as best I can. With daughter everything is very black and white for everyone else but it's all gray for her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MommaK, post: 689238, member: 20354"] Daughter asks to spend time with mother in law and agrees to spend time with mother in law when mother in law asks. Daughter has a bad issue with wanting to play one against the other. If she is with husband or mother in law she calls me. If she is with me she calls mother in law and it always happens when someone either doesn't give her exactly what she wants when she wants or tries to enforce a hard rule. In our home we have hard rules such as respect for others,their things and their time, completing the couple of chores assigned, and taking medications. Others are soft rules that we are much more flexible with like use of cell phone, dinner as a family type stuff. If she gets called out for not being respectful (it's ok to disagree but do it respectfully) then we are not being understanding. If she last minute informs us she has made plans and we don't let her do them, then are not trying to be understanding of her needs. Daughter thinks it's perfectly ok for her to become angry with people, but no one is supposed to become angry with her. In her mind it's ok for her to make a mistake but no one else is supposed to make a mistake. It's ok for her to show emotions when happy angry or irritated but we are not supposed to. Lately she has tried to make me tell her my plans and clear them with her before I do anything. She recently told me I'm not allowed to go outside at home (I sit on the deck or driveway and enjoy the good weather) unless I tell her where I am going first because she may need me and not know where to find me. Keep in mind I have always done this and she has found me outside to tell me this. mother in law is honestly trying to learn, but changing her thinking is a slow process. mother in law has her issues, but with dad not being much support, mother in law is my support. Amazingly we are on very similar pages when it comes to daughter tho that has not always been the case. My goal is not to control my kids. I cant. They were born with minds of their own and form their own opinions and thoughts. My goal is to guide and teach them as best I can. With daughter everything is very black and white for everyone else but it's all gray for her. [/QUOTE]
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