Need Advice!

[RN0441]

Son and therapist (I think) called husband today to talk about son's plan after detox.

He plans to go right back to condo!

Husband said it's like confession. Then start all over. Of course hoping he would not start over with drugs.

Husband told him that we want him to stay in sober living and go to school/work or whatever.

We won't pay for condo any longer. He obviously needs MONITORING.

We are talking about this tonight. We don't want him to be homeless but want him to have accountability - again. We tried it the other way.

Thoughts??

 

[Teriobe]

I know you want him to be monitored and you dont want him homeless. How about he stay in condo (if this is first time relapsing while in condo) and you keeping paying, but you want him to take drug test and send results to you whenever you ask for one, or weekly but dont let him know what day until day before cause some drugs get out of system in 3 days. But that depends on if you two want to be involved in the drug problem, or do you not want to be that involved with his relapse. It sounds like he was doing good for awhile, he should get credit for that. Its a fine line between enabling and helping, im still new at this.

 

[Teriobe]

I curious to hear what others would do

 

[RN0441]

Teriobe

Thanks for your response. Husband talked to therapist later on again yesterday. She was aware of everything in son's past so son must have told her which is a good thing. Husband said the money stops and she agreed. Last night was quiet so not sure what is going on. She had said she thought son would call last night but he did not.

My husband is extremely stressed with work and this (he's in sales). He told me to let him handle it so I am. I don't know what is going to happen at this point.

I see the psychic/medium tonight. I have gotten very spiritual during this journey with my son. She is highly recommended and supposedly very intuitive so I'm anxious to see what she has to say about things. Naturally the main reason I'm going is to see if anything comes out about our son.

 

[BusynMember]

I have become spiritual myself and have had readings from a great medium who told me descriptions of people and pets and events and even initials she could not have known. It blew me away and I have become a strong believer and try to work on my own abilities. I believe we are eternal souls and that our lives are for lessons. Not necessarily easy ones!!!

Let us know what you learn. Not all mediums/psychics are equally gifted. I hope yours can tune into your sons energy.

Love and light and so many prayers. I am so sorry.

 

[AppleCori]

Hi RNO

I think your son would do better, long term, if he goes into Sober Living and works the program.

Of course he probably doesn't want to, but it would probably be best for him.

Getting sober is hard for most people, and involves a lot of soul-searching, facing your fears, owning up to your faults, and learning how to cope without substances.

He probably doesn't want to do the hard work, but it is probably necessary.

He will learn to rely on himself and his abilities, and that will make him stronger as a man. It a learning process. It's time for him to grow up.

I bet that's what dad is thinking right now.

Sorry that this has happened again. Most of our addicted loved ones relapse. You are in the club.

Apple

 

[bluebell]

Good luck with the medium tonight RN. Sounds like perfect timing.

 

[Nancy]

I agree with Apple. After detox is difficult for all addicts, wothout supervision and structure it is very difficult to maintain sobriety. Of course that is the last thing your son wants. You are entering a new phase, hold onto your seat. Ultimately it is up to him whether he wants to take back his life or goon struggling. Trust me I have been there done that so I know your heartache in this. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[RN0441]

Thank you to all.

I talked to him yesterday for the first time in about a month when I knew he started going downhill but being deceptive and he has said he will stay in detox then go to rehab and sober living. This is what we wanted.

He is in a college class so now I am making a phone call to see if there is any way he can finish up the class on line or something. He only has a few weeks. We had told him to call also but I want to find out for myself too.

If he is doing the right thing he will have our support.

I saw a psychic/medium last night and she told me that my son will have more setbacks in his life and this could go on until he's 27 or for even ten years. That is not what I wanted to hear. I'm already exhausted.

He was sober longer and doing more this time than ever before so maybe that is something positive. Trying to look for the silver lining.