need advice !

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by prayerful, Oct 16, 2007.

  1. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    my so left for school at 6:40 this morning and as always at 8:30 my husband called me because the school called him! now this is my question i am going to the school in about a hour to see what happen and i am taking him to his doctor and tell her his medications is not working ! what else can i do today !!!! :scared:
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Welocme prayerful.

    I'd like to invite you to fill out your profile under MyStuff so we know a little about you and your family. No names or other identifying features, please. Include medications and ages. Thanks
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Can you please do a signature like I have below and tell us some of the problems you are having? How old is he and how long has he had issues?
    I have a few more questions.
    1/Who dxd. him and who is doing his medications? Do you feel your son has the right diagnosis?
    2/Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist?
    3/Is there a history of mood disorders or any psychiatric problems on the family tree on either side?
    4/How was his early development? Did he speak? Make good eye contact? Play well with toys? Play appropriately with kids his own age?

    Welcome to the board.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi prayerful! Welcome to our little corner of the world! I am so sorry you are having trouble and needed to search us out, but so happy you found us!! This is a great group, lots of support, ideas and information.

    As I understand it your son is 11. He is on the Principal's List for good grades, but for the past 6 years you have been working with a diagnosis of ADHD.

    It truly is normal to have problems with depression with all that you are dealing with regarding your son. Many of us have been there, done that, and can't find the T-shirt in the dirty laundry! Go see your doctor and tell him/her about the depression, chest pains, weight gain, and everything else. This has to be a HUGE priority. If Mom isn't happy and healthy, no one else will even have a chance!!

    As far as medications, many of us find depression to be a chemical change in our brains, and we find that there are medications that help. I know personally that if I didn't have prozac I would be in HORRID shape. You really aren't alone with this, I promise.

    Why is the school calling about your son every day? Is is because he is hurting someone, misbehaving, refusing to go to class? with-o some idea of the behaviors it is hard to tell what is going on.

    For your own records, go to the General Archive Forum. The last page, at the bottom, has a thread about a Parent Report. This is a way to organize all the info you have on your son, your goals for him, etc... It takes quite a bit of time to assemble/create this, so take it in chunks instead of all at once. It will be something you copy to give to various docs you work with, counsellors, etc... Whoever you want to have the information. (by the way, you are NOT required to give school any doctor records, and many of us ifnd it necessary to pick and choose what info the school gets. Better cautious than not.)

    You will find lots of info in the Special Education forum about what to do to make the school cooperate with an IEP. There are regulations and laws about this, and our Special Education forum knows an amazing amount about them. Sending info to the school by certified mail is very important. I know it was wierd for me to do this, but it was the only way I managed to get the evaluation for my son. And I was the volunteer helping out several days a week at school!!

    Take some time for yourself any chance you get. I hope we see more of you soon!


  5. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    my son development was fine he was on time with all milestones he even walked early! he has a psy doctor she diagnosis him in 2001 i feel it was correct because when he started school all the symptoms he had . i have no doubt about that i just need to know how to get him help and hopefully take control of his cd /odd before it gets out of hand he is already showing alot of aggression. no neither side of the family had any of these illness my frist time hearing of adhd or any of this was in 2001 whe nhe was diagnosis.
  6. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    thank you for the advice i am going too do that and i had a better day to day my friend picked me up and took me to the movies and it was peaceful . it felt good to not here mommy for a couple of hours :). and to go to bathroom alone don't think i have done that in years (ha-ha). i am working on maintaining good health and trying to see the positive in this situation with god i can do any thing this is a test of faith that i will pass. ;)if you have any more info please let me know .
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    this is a difficult situation. It sounds as though you may have something else going on. ODD and CD are not generally just side dishes with ADHD.

    ADHD is very commonly what our kids show to us first. For some of our kids it is just part of what is going on. Just because that is what was seen when he was diagnosis in 2001 does not mean it is all there is. Often young children simply don't show the entire picture because it hasn't developed.

    I don't know what is wrong, I am not your doctor. But have you seen a psychiatrist (with the MD) recently? For the problems you are currently having?

    Are you seeing a therapist (psychologist or social worker) who will talk with you and your son and try to find out what he/she can?

    Have you had him evaluated by anyone other than the 2001 psychiatrist?

    Much of the time what we see with a young child is kind of like what you see on a polaroid picture that first minute or so after it comes out of the camera. The picture is there but very blurry. As the child gets older the picture develops and more things can be evaluated and dealt with.

    Often ODD/CD symptoms can be caused by a number of different things. You don't want to be treating him for an infection when he has a broken leg, so to speak. With mental health issues it can be very very hard to figure out what is going on.

    My child, and many here, have been diagnosed with a number of different things, some correctly, some not. As time passes we redefine and refine the treatments our kids need.

    You mentioned psy doctor, did you mean psychologist or psychiatrist? I wasn't sure.

    Which developmental milestones did he reach early, and how early?

    What behaviors are happening at school that lead them to call you most days?

    I hope you have a good day tomorrow also!!!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have to agree that a new evaluation would be good. I think NeuroPsychs do the best evaluations. They actually spend hours with the child and do testing, which other professionals don't do. ODD/CD--kind of meaningless when the child is violent. The medications obviously aren't doing the trick. I'd want to look into other things. It is possible you have family members with undiagnosed mental illnesses. That's not uncommon. If you treat him for ADHD, and that's not the real problem, he won't improve. I'd want a "check up" to see if anything new evolved since his last evaluation. It usually does with our kids.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello and welcome.
    What sort of behaviors has the school called about? I may have missed some information. If I have, I apologize.

    The adhd disorder wasn't used back when I went to school but I knew a lot of kids who had it and who were behavior problems. We just thought they were bad kids or had bad parents. We know more today and we are aimed at helping kids, their parents and the schools to help our kids to have a chance at a healthy productive life.

    Who told you about your son having ODD?
    Having a child who struggles to do what other kids seem to just naturally do is frustrating to us and makes parents question their skills. Believe me that our difficult child kids need more than good parenting to help them. Besides blame and fault isn't productive or helpful to your son. Throw it away.
    I'm not sure this is a test a faith but a child who is struggling. Your hard work to help him requires knowledge, understanding and committment to being the best parent you can be regardless of what other's may think. Being a warrior mom takes courage and you are doing what you know to understand your son and what it takes to help him.

    Welcome. Hope some of what we experienced will help you. At the very least you know you aren't alone. We have all been there.
  10. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

  11. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    thank you all for your help and making me feel comfortable here i really need that and out let to speak my feelings and not be judged because everyone here understands what i am going through i am going to the school tommorrow becasue he was sent home for 3 days have to ask questions and get on some ones nerve any one to get some help ! just keep me in your prayers and once again i thankyou .
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    While we really do understand your situation, we need more info if we are to be of any help. Please answer us so that we can help.


  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome. Glad you found us!
  14. OTE

    OTE Guest

    Just wanted to add my welcome and make one suggestion. That would be that you educate yourself on all the potential diagnosis that he could have. You may be looking at symptoms of something but not know they are symtoms. Most all of us have had this experience. Without you recognizing the symptoms, if the doctor doesn't ask the right questions the doctor doesn't get the right result. The Chandler papers explain the major possiblities.

    In particular you may want to read about bipolar disorder. Many kids who are bipolar are only diagnosis as such until much later. They are often diagnosis as ADHD when young. Not only is a stimulant not recommended for a bipolar child who is ONLY bipolar, but it can be harmful in the long run. In the short term it can make the hyperactivity worse and result in aggression. Both of which could be interpreted as signs of mania in a bipolar child. You should also know that as a child approaches puberty bipolar disorder becomes more identifiable. My son clearaly got worse starting at age 9. None of this should be construed as a diagnosis in any way. I am only suggesting that while reading about mental illnesses you read about bipolar disorder as well.

    I'd also note that as children get older if there are unrecognized learning disabilities those become more frustrating to the child. That frustration is something that can result in behaviors as well. You may want to talk to his teachers about possible learning disabilities. Just ask if they have observed anything that might cause them to think that he might have a learning disability.

    Absolutely I agree with advice above. A new evaluation, by a qualified psychiatrist, should be done on a young child every few years. If there are learning disabilities those need to be dealt with separately, first by approaching the school system. Someone above asked you who made the diagnosis of ADHD. Please note the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. We are recommending a psychiatric evaluation, not necessarily a psychological one at this point. If a pediatrician made the diagnosis of ADHD, again that is not someone necessarily trained in psychiatry or neurology.

    Again, welcome and keep posting!
  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi prayerful,

    saw your post and just wanted to offer my support. You are definitely not alone.

    Sorry you had to come find us, but glad you did. Welcome to the board.
  16. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    they call about him having outburst of anger.

    1. he talks back to teacher
    2. he fights with other children within a group setting
    3. he threaten to shot a boy in the second grade has been home with me for 3 days
    4. he got kicked off the bus a week before for 3 days because the bus driver called me to tell me about his behavior on the bus and he told her thatif she keep crying to my mom and dad he will really give her something to cry about .

    5.he steals

    6. lies (alot don't know when to trust him)

    7.his teachers say that he is very smart but has anger issues so i am going to make him take anger management

    8. blames every thing he does on some one else(at home it's always balmed on my 14 month old )

    i read up on odd/ cd and it seems to me that he mighthave one of them but i won't really know until he sees his Difficult Child

    but iam keeping the faith . :smile:
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I do not mean anything judgemental or offensive by the following, please use what you can and ignore the rest!

    Do you or your husband spank him? Use statements like: If you keep it up I will give you something to cry about?

    It almost sounds like he is using what he hears and sees as his way to behave.

    THAT IS NOT A JUDGEMENT OF WHAT YOU DO WITH HIM. I want you to explore the possibility that maybe he needs differnt parenting methods because he doesnot see the differnce between adult and child, authority figures and others. Is he maybe thinking this is OK because he sees other people not getting in trouble for doing it?

    I would limit his TV watching to strictly non-violent videos. NO reg tv unless you have already seen the program AND the commercials. Even some Disney titles may need to be pulled.

    Then look at your parenting. Are you spanking? Is he seeing that you hit him, so why can't he hit ohters? Many of us have kids who think this way. That is why we have learned to parent our children differently.

    Try The Explosive Child. REad it and see what you think.