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Substance Abuse
Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689905" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>worried sick mother, I am not sure I understand what you are looking for. It seems as if you feel responsible for your son's feelings, as if you did something to hurt him or you are responsible for his hurt. </p><p></p><p>And that this responsibility for past sins, can somehow or will somehow be compensated by including your son on this vacation.</p><p></p><p>There is never equity between children. That is because each child is an individual--different personalities, ages, behaviors, and yes, relationships with each parent. </p><p></p><p>There is no causal relationship between how much a parent does for a child, and the well-being and/or success of that child as an adult. Because at the end of the day, the child's own personality and decisions determine everything. </p><p></p><p>Whether or not your son went on vacations, better or worse vacations, or goes on this vacation, he is still responsible for making his own life what it is. </p><p></p><p>You extended many offers to include him. He refused, until the very end. He is responsible for that, not you. If he has been a source of stress and discord in the family, he is responsible for any lingering ill effects. Not totally, but partially. It may be that you and your husband, how you handle things between yourselves, have some responsibility too. </p><p></p><p>You cannot be responsible to make everything right. No one person can be. You are choosing to take all of this on yourself; there must be a pay off. What is it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689905, member: 18958"] worried sick mother, I am not sure I understand what you are looking for. It seems as if you feel responsible for your son's feelings, as if you did something to hurt him or you are responsible for his hurt. And that this responsibility for past sins, can somehow or will somehow be compensated by including your son on this vacation. There is never equity between children. That is because each child is an individual--different personalities, ages, behaviors, and yes, relationships with each parent. There is no causal relationship between how much a parent does for a child, and the well-being and/or success of that child as an adult. Because at the end of the day, the child's own personality and decisions determine everything. Whether or not your son went on vacations, better or worse vacations, or goes on this vacation, he is still responsible for making his own life what it is. You extended many offers to include him. He refused, until the very end. He is responsible for that, not you. If he has been a source of stress and discord in the family, he is responsible for any lingering ill effects. Not totally, but partially. It may be that you and your husband, how you handle things between yourselves, have some responsibility too. You cannot be responsible to make everything right. No one person can be. You are choosing to take all of this on yourself; there must be a pay off. What is it? [/QUOTE]
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