Need bullying resources...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Oct 26, 2009.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    but not for Duckie in particular. I'm on a wellness committee that's looking into working on bullying at school. They have a program in place but would like to beef it up.

    Plus, my neighbors daughter has been getting it pretty bad lately. She's a bit of a pita by being bossy and demanding with other kids PLUS she's a very bright child and has learned to manipulate and push buttons. But I think she's very controlling rather than actually mean. This is coming back to bite her and the truly mean kids are moving in.

    This little girl doesn't have her father in her life and two of the mean girls plus another two flunkies cornered her in gym and started teasing her. Duckie tried to help a little, but was intimidated so it went on throughout the period. Duckie told me about it as soon as we got home and I called the girl's mom so she could talk to her daughter. It turns out it's been going on for awhile. :(

    Last week, Duckie's bff (who can be a bit gfgish) was hitting, elbowing and kicking her throughout the week before the girl let the adults know. :(

    And the worst part is that she's starting to complain about vague discomforts and not wanting to go to school in the morning. Third grade seems very young for school avoidance. :(
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know of any particualr resources but my son's mainstream middle school starting a method that I thought was a great idea. The higher administrators (principal, vice principal) set up an anonymous portion of the school website that had a "cool" name to it. It is a forum where kids or parents can discuss bullying and report specific incidents anonymously and get feedback. Now, if there is a serious incident that requires listing another student's name, that can be posted but the moderator (an administrator) gets the message but removes the students name from the message before it is psoted on the forum for others to see. IOW, all posts are screened prior to being posted on the forum. I don't know how well that might work for young children, but I thought it was a great idea. I read through it and there were some great discussions that were started by students and appropriately addressed by anonymous administrators about tips for dealing with peer pressure, bullying, and other age-appropriate issues.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I don't have bullying resources for you, but I did want you to know that 3rd grade is not too early for school avoidance. J started in K, if you can believe it, and M started in 2nd grade. Anxiety was at the root of the avoidance in both cases.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks K. Maybe they could modify it somehow to have kids write notes and deposit them in a box...

    SW, I know it's not too young but it just feels too young. Know what I mean?? Duckie has had numerous run-ins with E, but one gives as good as the other gets. It's not a bullying situation (thank goodness!). E has a very bad case of onlychilditis and, it seems to me from what Duckie has said, that there's a large percentage of kids that are pretty much done with her shenanigans. I think this has allowed the bullies to sweep in. Duckie is looking at some of these kids in a whole new light, she feels they really crossed a line with E. She's very upset and feeling very badly for E. Playground justice is horrible. :(
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    It's an insidious problem at schools and if administrators don't keep are sharp eye out it can go on for a long time and do irreparable damage to the kids who are victimized. Too many adults try to brush it off as kids being kids and end up promoting it by looking the other way or excusing it instead of recognizing the behavior for what it is. Much in the way sexual harrassment has been tolerated for ages in the workforce, and only recently has become a hot button. If no one speaks out and sets an appropriate example, how can our children ever learn?

    Good for you for wanting to work towards improving the environment there :)
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks, G. I'll forward that to the committee chair.

    Duckie was bullied last year but has avoided it this year, it was mean and hurtful. The things said to E yesterday were downright cruel. I'm sure E's mom has contacted her teacher, but I contacted Duckie's teacher as well. I think it's obvious that there is a major problem brewing among the third grade girls in the school. :(
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    do a little research on the web. I spent about five weeks teaching bullying classes at my daughter's old parochial elementary school (going back about 8 years). My starting place was a report form 20/20 where they did some hidden camera stuff on the playground, etc. We watched the report and that was the discussion starter.

    I spent two 45 minutes times with each class for several weeks. It cumulated with each student getting a book called "The Good in Me". On the second to last class, each student was asked to write a sentence about each student in their class. The sentence was to be something positive - something they admire about that student, something the student was good at, etc..

    I took all those writings home and compiled a little book called "The Good in Me". Each student was able to read at least 24 positive things their classmates thought about them (no names as to who said what).

    I used that 20/20 report to start the discussion and was suprised at how open and honest the kids were from that point. I did this in the 5th through the 8th grade classes. I used some resources I found on the web that included some role playing. It was really good to be able to have a kid who was a known bully play the bullied. It was also a good experience for kids who just "sat and watch it happen" feel what it felt like to be bullied. A big part of the lesson was the responsibility to step forward.

    Good luck.

  8. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    I'm not sure if these kids are dealing with it yet, but cyber-bullying is a big issue at least from 6th grade on. There's a lot of very mean, hurtful stuff posted on MySpace, Facebook, etc. So I think it's great that you're starting to address the bullying issue early. Teasing and meanness hurts whether it's in person or on the internet!
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    LDM- Thanks. The elementary schools use a character education program but there are some students that just don't get it or think it doesn't apply to them. There are consequences if an adult catches it but they often miss it. One site I looked at today said the bullies needed to get a little anxious about breaking the rules and feel a little guilty about the damage they do.

    Grace- Cyber bullying isn't a huge problem in Duckie's building (PK - 3) but it is already starting in the next building (3 - 5). It's a huge issue in the middle school.
  10. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    There's a program that's being used in our district called Second Step. It is not only being used in the traditional sense in needed schools, but as it's strong on building social skills that they are doing things like writing it into the IEP's of kids with social skills issues. I've heard the teachers are favorable because then the entire class benefits.

    Beyond that, any district schools with any level of behavioral problems which might impact education use PBIS.
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks SRL... I've forwarded those resources. :)
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks Andy... it's a very interesting article!

    Duckie had a minor problem with one of the four girls today: G told Duckie that she looks like a donkey (yes, she thankfully used those words!). Duckie told her she's tired of her being mean to her and her friends and promptly told the gym teacher who verbally corrected G.

    Now, poor Duckie has the same anger management issue that her dear old mom does: we both try to control our anger but end up turning a little red faced and maybe even crying a little. It's not necessarily that we are sad or hurt but rather frustrated and truly having a hard time holding our tempers. So some of her classmates thought she was really upset and hurt by the comment so child after child approached her to offer their support, even a few boys. So now, Duckie's angry about the comment and embarrassed & flattered by the support.

    What a day! :hammer:
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just last week I saw a promo for a show on I think A&E called Blackboards and Bullies. I didnt watch it because I dont have any in real school anymore. Im sure if you did a google search for that title it would come up. You could probably view that episode online and see if it was worth offering to your school. I have no idea if it dealt with little kids or just older ones.