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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 668120" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SeaGenie, I am here with you too.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry he talked to you like that. My Difficult Child did the same, cursed at me, hung up on me, screamed F*** you, etc. Multiple times, most often when I wouldn't do what he wanted. It hurts. It hurts every time.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you sat down and wrote out some things. You wrote out your own history. That is important. Keep writing. Write the truth as you know it. Read and reread it to yourself and keep it handy.</p><p></p><p>We can get so upset and confused and start doubting ourselves when we get these phone calls.</p><p></p><p>But you know. YOU KNOW. You know the truth. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He sounds like a typical drug addict. They want what they want when they want it, and when we (usually their biggest soft touch) say No and keep saying no, it infuriates them because Now what are they going to do?</p><p></p><p>Well...maybe...change. Change? </p><p></p><p>That's still their decision, and even after I stopped...my Difficult Child kept on going...for a long time...until finally he stopped about 16 months ago..and started doing the hard work of changing his life. </p><p></p><p>But first, it took me getting out of the way. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is excellent advice. In many ways. First, it gives you something to DO. It gives you help with him. I called the police on my son multiple times when he would threaten suicide. The last time he threatened it, I got up in his face and said this: Every single time you say you are going to kill yourself, I will call the police. Every single time.</p><p></p><p>Guess what? That was the last time he did it.</p><p></p><p>Now, I know when people say this, we have to take it seriously, every single time. But in my heart of hearts, I never thought my son was suicidal, even when I was terrified at the words. In fact, my ex husband (his dad) and I both agreed on the phone one time that neither one of us thought he would ever do that, but that we would take it seriously every time and call the police every time. And that's what we did.</p><p></p><p>This stuff is very hard. You in the the throes of a huge transition. You have said no more...and Seagenie...he doesn't like it. </p><p></p><p>Think about it. For years and years and years we caught them when they feel. Now...they have to learn to catch themselves and they truly can't believe it. They think we will catch them if they just push us hard enough and long enough. why? Because we taught them that. Push me 1000 times and finally I will respond. I did that over and over and over with my son because I just couldn't stand it. </p><p></p><p>Finally, I got strong enough to stand it, and it still took him a long time to unlearn what I had taught him so well. </p><p></p><p>It's so hard during this period. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you through it all. You are not alone and we understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 668120, member: 17542"] SeaGenie, I am here with you too. I'm so sorry he talked to you like that. My Difficult Child did the same, cursed at me, hung up on me, screamed F*** you, etc. Multiple times, most often when I wouldn't do what he wanted. It hurts. It hurts every time. I'm so glad you sat down and wrote out some things. You wrote out your own history. That is important. Keep writing. Write the truth as you know it. Read and reread it to yourself and keep it handy. We can get so upset and confused and start doubting ourselves when we get these phone calls. But you know. YOU KNOW. You know the truth. He sounds like a typical drug addict. They want what they want when they want it, and when we (usually their biggest soft touch) say No and keep saying no, it infuriates them because Now what are they going to do? Well...maybe...change. Change? That's still their decision, and even after I stopped...my Difficult Child kept on going...for a long time...until finally he stopped about 16 months ago..and started doing the hard work of changing his life. But first, it took me getting out of the way. This is excellent advice. In many ways. First, it gives you something to DO. It gives you help with him. I called the police on my son multiple times when he would threaten suicide. The last time he threatened it, I got up in his face and said this: Every single time you say you are going to kill yourself, I will call the police. Every single time. Guess what? That was the last time he did it. Now, I know when people say this, we have to take it seriously, every single time. But in my heart of hearts, I never thought my son was suicidal, even when I was terrified at the words. In fact, my ex husband (his dad) and I both agreed on the phone one time that neither one of us thought he would ever do that, but that we would take it seriously every time and call the police every time. And that's what we did. This stuff is very hard. You in the the throes of a huge transition. You have said no more...and Seagenie...he doesn't like it. Think about it. For years and years and years we caught them when they feel. Now...they have to learn to catch themselves and they truly can't believe it. They think we will catch them if they just push us hard enough and long enough. why? Because we taught them that. Push me 1000 times and finally I will respond. I did that over and over and over with my son because I just couldn't stand it. Finally, I got strong enough to stand it, and it still took him a long time to unlearn what I had taught him so well. It's so hard during this period. Hang in there. We're here for you through it all. You are not alone and we understand. [/QUOTE]
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