Need good thoughts, prayers...anything!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well I went and got myself in trouble again. I went to the DMV this morning after easy child's IEP to renew my driver's license. I was never sent a renewal notice so I didn't even realize it had expired last month till someone at my bank pointed it out. So I go and submit my papers to the DMV and they tell me my license is suspended for failure to appear in court! I was shocked and asked them what the charge was. They said I have an outstanding traffic ticket that is now $532. The only ticket I've gotten was back in June for a broken tail light. I have gotten tickets like that in the past, and I've always just gotten the problem fixed, taken the car down to the police station to get proof of correction signed off, and paid a $10 correction fee. I totally forgot about this ticket and never did get it signed off. So I go and dig the original ticket out of my car, read the fine print, and it says I was supposed to appear in court by September 26th. It says on the ticket that failure to appear can cause me to go to jail for six months!

    Now the DMV is telling me that I either pay up the $532 (impossible) or go to court and beg the judge to have it reduced. I know that judges usually only reduce tickets by about $50. There's no way I can come up with the money. The DMV says I cannot get my license until the ticket is paid. I cannot go to court till Monday due to work circumstances, so I am hoping and praying I don't get pulled over till then. My tags for my car also expired and I can't get those until this ticket is taken care of. I am super freaked out at the possibility of going to jail. I am seriously praying nothing bad happens. Please send good thoughts my way cause right now my anxiety is in overdrive.
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Take deep breaths! You are not the only adult out there who has forgotten about a ticket. Go to court and talk to the judge and see what happens.
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    It just scares me to be driving around with no license. I am absolutely terrified of going to jail so right now I'm just trying real hard not to think of worst case scenerios!
  4. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Can your Mom drive you around until you can get to court? If a cop gets behind you and you have expired tags you ARE going to get pulled over and in a lot of trouble when they see your license is suspended as well. It's just a few days but if you can bum a ride(s) for those days that should help put your mind at ease. Good Luck.
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    She won't drive me to work and back. I have to make it through tomorrow and I'm praying. They said at the DMV that my license is technically "on hold" whatever that means.
  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Did you make it through today OK?

    I've never forgotten a ticket, but the only tickets I've had are parking tickets and I pay those right away if they aren't local where I can go to court. Seems like every time I visit Milwaukee to see friends, I get a parking ticket.

    I curse, stick it in my bag, and pay it as soon as I get home.

    I don't know what to tell you about forgetting things and finances. One thing I can tell you, is whatever, you do, don't take out a loan to pay the fine! These places prey on people in desperate straits and you've gotten in trouble that way before.

    You do need to tell your medical team about the forgetfulness as regards bills. That's a functional issue they need to know about. You also might want to look into applying for disability as it sounds like you are having an awful time holding and functioning.

    That's nothing to be ashamed of. I had to leave a well-paying career due to my MH issues. I was able to get disability. If you have disability insurance from work, use it to cover you during your waiting year before you can apply. You have to have been out of work for year first before applying.

    I think, if you don't do that, it is at least time to research ways to cope and be pro-active in taking care of your life.

    Sorry you are dealing with this.
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Disability isn't an option for me. It wouldn't even come close to paying my rent and bills. I have to work, and I've been at the same job for eight years so I think I'm doing fairly well for myself, despite forgetting about a little fix it ticket. I remember important stuff like taking medications and going to work so I am really quite functional. I am taking the day off work on Monday to go to court and hopefully get the fine reduced.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    All you can do is throw yourself on the mercy of the court and ask for the fine to be reduced. The sooner the better!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While it won't be fun, the court can give you community service to work off the ticket. Around here you call any of about 50 places, or any established mainstream church with nonprofit status and see what you can do to help them. You may not have as much choice where you are, but this is often an option. The other option is a 'stay to pay'. It isn't fun, but you sit in a holding cell for 8 hours and your ticket is taken care of. This is often done on weekends or at nights. I knew someone who did this about every other month because she could not stop getting traffic tickets. She thought it was funny to talk to all the various types of people in holding. Sociology major, of course, with a minor in psychology, and she ended up using these stays as research for her dissertation. Takes all kinds.

    The jail time, etc... is the worst case scenario. It is NOT what a lady working in a school with no other major problems would normally get. It is a waste of space and resources for an overcrowded corrections system to toss you in jail because you forgot a ticket.

    Forgetting a ticket is not little. THis is not super huge, but your doctors NEED to know about this. It IS a problem with functioning and they may be able to help. Isn't that the entire point of taking medications, etc...? Holding info like this from your doctor isn't going to help you, and you have zero way of knowing if they can help until you talk to them. So talk to them.

    Until then, it isn't legal to drive. Since you know about this, and the records will show that you were told about it at the DMV, it is IMPERATIVE that you go take care of this ASAP and that you do NOT drive until you do. The costs will be MUCH higher if you are driving and get pulled over. just the impound fees to get your car back can be two or three times the amount of your ticket fine as it stands now. it would be loads cheaper to pay a taxi than to pay the impound fees, and if the car stays in impound the fees can double in well under a week and in 14-30 days they can sell the car at auction if you haven't gotten it out (depends on the city and state as to the time, but it is usually shorter than you would imagine).

    Long term risks of driving with-o a valid license are expensive. the cost of a taxi or ride from a friend or paying a friend or neighbor to drive you are far, far, far less than the fees from more tickets and having the car impounded. Just my advice.
  10. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I am willing to do community service, but I'm just worried that they will still withhold my license until the community service is completed. Since I work full time, my only option to do community service would be on weekends only. That means it will take me awhile to complete it, and meanwhile if they hold my license till then I am 100 percent screwed. I absolutely have to drive my son to school and go to work. I am hoping the judge will have some mercy on me. I can't believe a simple fix it ticket, which originally started out as ten dollars, got to be this big. It was just a simple burnt out tail light and I was a couple of weeks late, for heaven's sake!
  11. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Since your ticket wasn't for a serious moving violation, like running a red light or a stop sign, maybe you can ask for a restricted license that will let you go to and from work and food shopping and medical appointments till it's paid off. Also, since it wasn't a serious moving violation, maybe the suspension will be lifted once you make payment or other arrangements. Could your mom loan you the money or let you use her car till it's straightened out?

    Good luck. My H hid tickets from me till one day when he drove into NYC from our suburb to pick me up at work. The car was towed in the 10 minutes we were inside. It was over $800! and I had paid off other tickets for him - no moving violations, all expired tags, meters, inspections, etc. on an amnesty just the year before. I was SO ****** off, I had to spend money we got for Sandy repairs on it AND I had to pay $16 for him to take the train home with me. Now, I keep a list of when all inspections are due (we have 3 motorcycles, an RV, 2 vans and 3 cars), along with the registrations. Since I began doing that, we haven't had any of those tickets.
  12. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    When you get in trouble, the "what ifs," "I should haves," or seemingly logical explanantions of why things happened the way they did are not usually going to help you ease the impact of the consquences.

    Having a history of needing to dig yourself out of trouble usually means you need to plan much more carefully, and keep life organized ~ so that you don't get into trouble in the first place .. .. .. repeatedly.

    Think ahead and remember that being reponsible for the future is something that starts in the present.
  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I agree with CTMom on this one. You have been skating from crisis to crisis for a while now. You need to talk to your psychiatrist. If your medications are sedating to the point that you have to take your PM medications at dinnertime in order to be functional the next day, your medications aren't right.

    Xanax is NOT a long term treatment for anxiety. There are other medications that work better and are a lot safer.

    The thing that really works for anxiety is counselling to teach you better ways of coping with triggers. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and panic attacks and have found CBT therapy to be incredibly helpful.

    It teaches one how to think differently and how to nip the anxiety "litany" that starts in one's head when triggered. If you are having trouble sleeping, the Xanax,while it may help you sleep initially, actually is bad for sleep. In addition, Xanax used long term can cause depressant. There are other medications out there for sleep that are safer and don't leave you groggy in the AM so long as you get 8 hours of sleep.

    PM medications are to be taken at bedtime, unless otherwise prescribed. The fact that you are taking your medications mid-evening to avoid being under the influence is telling me that your medications aren't right.

    Saphris is a "good" medication for a lot of bipolar people, but it is incredibly sedating. In addition, Adderal, which you seem to be taking more for weight loss than for ADHD, is really bad for people with high anxiety. It is actually counterindicated in folks who suffer from severe anxiety.

    You might want to look into a neuropsychologist exam to definitively determine if you need the drug. Most bipolar folks can't take stims, especially if they aren't stable, which you currently aren't.

    I have executive functioning issues. There are ways to learn how to help deal with that. You also might want to sit down with a financial planner to work out a that includes setting aside money for savings each pay period. Even if it's only 20 dollars a month, that is still money you can count on for emergencies.

    I have a system worked out for paying my bills on time. I found setting up my accounts for online notifications and bill-paying was very helpful. I got bit the first year up here on water bills. I'd never had to pay them before and hadn't budgeted for them. I dealt with that by really skimping for one month before I bought a clue and added them them to the budget.

    As it sits now, I get SSDI on the 4th Wednesday of each month and my VA pension on the 1st. I am budgeted for a certain amount for groceries and unexpected expenses. I pay my lot rent and some other bills when SSDI comes in, pay the rest when my VA pension comes in, and don't feel that I'm depriving myself by skimping in other areas.

    My pets and the household bills come first. After that, I pay myself my spending $$ for the month and put my allotted amount into savings. I have my direct deposit account set up so that on the day the VA pension comes in, funds are transferred to savings. I don't even miss the money as I never see it.

    I do have credit cards that I normally pay off each month. When I bought the new laptop a few months ago, I had to carry a balance on one card. I set up a repayment plan for myself, adjusted the budget to allow for the extra money coming out, and paid off the one card in four months.

    I don't think at this point that credit cards are a good idea for you.

    Also, you NEED, as Susiestar said, to talk to your doctors about the forgetfulness. Whether they can help you outright or not, I don't know, but there is nothing to be gained by hiding the info from them.

    Also, be aware that anxiety can mimic ADHD and stims aren't good for anxiety. In fact, it's a side-effect of stims listed on the customer handout given with them.

    In all honesty, I think you are due for another evaluation. Neuropsychs work with adults, too, and not just those who've suffered TBIs and the like. THe other way to go is to go with a multi disciplinary evaluation. I'd also look into getting a different psychiatrist or at least a second opinion.

    Do what you have to do. Right now you aren't functioning well. There's more to being able to function than remembering your medications and holding down a job.

    My best wishes for a resolution to your problems.

    Hugs, GN
  14. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    CB. I have to agree with Going North and CTmom, you are not in a good place. You need to take care of yourself in order to handheld difficult children issues correctly.
  15. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I just want to state, before I go any further on this and update, that all my bills are paid on time, I remember appointments, meetings and such for the kids and I, and I am really not as forgetful of a person as it sounds. Yes, I forgot about this ticket, but I also got another ticket for not wearing a seat belt and remembered that one. For some reason this one I thought was due in October so it slipped my mind. I didn't give it much thought till now because in the past I have gotten fix it tickets and just had to get them signed off by an officer. Anyway, I went to the police station yesterday and showed the very nice police officer my working brake light, and he signed the ticket for me. He then told me that since I didn't get it signed by the due date, it is now up to the court if they want to accept the fix it fee or not.

    I went to court right after I got the ticket signed off. I did not have an option to see a judge. Instead I was sent straight to the collections department, where I showed the man the signed off ticket. He said the most they could reduce it was down to $350. I can't afford to pay that amount, so he said I could make an appointment to see a judge at a different court house to ask that the ticket be dropped down to the original fix it fee amount. He made an appointment for me for next Wednesday on the 30th. He then gave me back my ticket so I can show proof to the judge when I see him. He looked in the computer and verified my license is not suspended. The DMV won't renew it till I go to court and pay whatever the amount is that the judge says I have to pay, but it is not suspended and if I get pulled over I will not be arrested.

    He says the DMV was just notified of my ticket on October 15th and it takes about six weeks for them to actually go and suspend it. He verified that it hasn't happened yet. So now I am going to hope for the best and hope the judge is understanding. My mom is going with me to the appointment. If the judge says I have to pay the full $350 I know my mom will lend it to me until I can pay her back when I get my tax returns in January. I am hoping that doesn't happen, because I do count on most of that money to get me through the summer, but if it does happen then so be it. Anyway, thanks to all for your input and well wishes.