Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kiana, May 23, 2013.

  1. Kiana

    Kiana New Member

    Hi, I'm new and so glad I found this site. I really thought I was the only one going through a trial like this with my daughter. My teenager daughter, 17 who was raised in a loving family has left my home and doesn't want to speak with me. She feels my rules are way too restricted and has chosen to live with her father. A father who has never been there for her, fills her head with horrible things about me and is even very disrespectful of her as well. He's a hot head and a control freak and that's where she wants to be rather than with her mother. Right now all I know is she is with her father and her father has kept me in the dark. Broken and crushed ;-(
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Kiana, I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry about your daughter, I can understand how upset and hurt you are. Sometimes our kids make choices which are just devastating to us. I hope you have a good support system in order to deal with all the feelings which are inevitable and challenging.

    I moved your post onto it's own thread so you would get more responses, you had responded to an old thread.

    Keep posting, it does help. We understand how much this can hurt. Sometimes kids have to find out on their own, what you already know, since kids can idealize the absent parent and then they need to see reality for themselves. Down the road a little, she may come to her senses and see what you already know. I hope that is the case. In the meantime, keep posting. I'm glad you found us. HUGS.
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    My daughter has also moved out recently. Thank goodness it isn't to a father like that but it is to people who obviously don't respect me or my parenting. I wish you the best. It isn't easy to walk away or let it not hurt.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My guess is it won't last forever, if that's what your worried about.

    Do you want to share more about your daughter so we can understand better? Many of us have been through this for various reasons and almost all the time, the kids stop the emotional blackmail (and that's what it is). I do have one child adopted at six (which is old for a child to join a family) who never came back, but normally they do. This is a form of your daughter trying to control you by hurting you. It's very cruel and the kids who do this know it. Do you have any other children? A husband? Somebody to concentrate on while this daughter is being hurtful to you? What does she think is so strict? We probably all agree with your :)

    Bet she gets tired of Daddy Dear really soon.

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you had to come.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I think that when kids have a parent who is not involved in their lives as they grow up they tend to idolize that parent. Right now she thinks that the grass is greener at her father's house. And it might well be, if he allows her to run wild and do whatever she wants to do. Hopefully, he will not allow that and she will see what she had living with you.

    Tell us about your daughter. Was she a difficult girl growing up? Did she do well in school?

    I'm sorry that you are hurting. Try to do something nice for you right now.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She will be back. Sounds like dad is no picnic! Just go about your life as best you can. Sometimes as long as they are not in danger we have to let them figure it out by themselves!
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the others. I doubt that she will last long with a control freak. She'll be back. In the meantime, use the peace and quiet to rest and regroup.

    Welcome to the board!

  8. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    My oldest daughter moved out to her boyfriends and his family. She wanted to do it all on her own, but she had no car, no job and no money. Went from my house which we were providing everything for her while she finished cna classes and got a job to their house where they provide everything. I was so ****** when she first moved out since she only knew him for 2 weeks but if they want to provide for her and her youngest son then so be it. She used to call and act like our house was the worst place ever to live but oh well. More time for my youngest and my grandson and my husband. It is so peaceful here.
  9. Kiana

    Kiana New Member

    My daughter rebellion started two years ago. Such anger in her and her view on things were so different than what exactly was happening. At the age of 15 she had been sneaking out of the house, having sex with older boys, buying and smoking pot, lying to me.... so I pulled her out of school and homeschooled her thinking it was better to get her out of that environment. She just hated every minute of homeschooling. When she turned 16 things seem to be improving. She was nicer, spending more time with her family and friends that I approved of. Good kids, whom I knew them as well as their families however, my daughter was living a double life.... I had no idea of it.... she really fooled me. When she turned 17 went to spend time with her "Daddy" as she calls him, he gave her all the freedom she wanted, let her go with a group of friends I never knew, had sex with someone she didn't know, caught herpes from that incident and didn't know if she was pregnant or not on top of all of this. I was in complete shock, disbelief.....her "daddy" torn into her with awful words, he was mad as well and that is how he handle himself. Yelling, spewing forth profanities, breaking things.... I took her home with me and we both cried all night together.... told her I still loved her and I would be there for her no matter what...... I thought this would had been her rock bottom..... one night, a month ago, I walked into her room to tell her to get off the phone and go to sleep..... she seem scared that I walked into her room, she was on the phone with a boy she had sex with when she was 15 and didn't want me to know..... I had taken her phone away from her and she went ballistics on me..... her behavior was unreal that night..... I kept trying to reason with her, she kept saying she wanted to leave. That night at 12:10 AM and it was very cold.... all she had on were her PJ's and no shoes.... I kept thinking she wouldn't take off like this but as she kept on fighting with me and trying to get through the front door a small part of me was terrified that she will follow through and she did! I'm sorry this is so long... the start of my heart break and the nightmare cont with her "daddy"

    Kiana ;-(
  10. Siobhan Harper

    Siobhan Harper New Member

    I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Unfortunately, no advice that you haven't already received. But I know the heartbreak you are feeling, and I'd like you to know you aren't alone. God Bless.