Need help evicting my 27 y/o drug addicted son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Eugenia, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. Eugenia

    Eugenia New Member

    He's been using since high school, in and out of many rehabs. Most recently a Drug Rehabilitation at County Jail. 90 days. Released in time to attend his sister's wedding in late September 2016.
    Things were good, but for a very short time.
    Now, in December, 3 months post DRC program, major signs of usage. Last night I called the police to have him arrested after finding him passed out (but still conscious) surrounded by multiple bags of heroin and a needle.
    Since he's on probation, I had hoped the police would have kept him locked up and send him back to County.
    That didn't happen.
    They released him, and he showed up on my doorstep. We didn't allow him into the house, he slept in one of our unlocked cars (next time I'll be sure they're all locked)
    Told him he cannot return home. He said he knows his rights, and we cannot keep him from his home.
    He does not pay rent.
    He has stolen thousands of dollars worth of jewelry, electronics, money, and collectibles from us in the past, and we just realized this week a brand new $800 generator, still in the box, is missing from our garage. And told his teenage sister he took $100 from her wallet yesterday, but will pay her back.
    I need him out of my house.
    What are our rights as a family, two parents and a teenage child, who live here and are subjected to his abuse (it has never been physical, but the emotional toil is killing us).
     
  2. Deedles

    Deedles New Member

    I don't have any actual legal information for you But I wanted to reply to say you're doing the right thing. Its the hard thing. But you certainly have rights as a home owner.

    I hope you can get this all sorted out quickly and cleanly and the rest of your family can get the new year under way in peace. And I hope your son finds a reason to get clean soon.

    Sending good thoughts.
     
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You have to do whatever you can to protect your other child. He is out of your house, he doesn't have rights. Be strong, he can change, he has to be motivated. Not having a home may be the motivator. I feel you, I have been there.
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Depending on the state you live in, you may have to formally evict him.
     
  5. Eugenia

    Eugenia New Member

    Thank you<3
    He's been on the streets before, last winter he was sleeping in his car, then resorted to major shoplifting to support his habit, and 8 counts were consolidated and spent 90 days in DRC jail program.
    Called police who helped last night with the arrest, and it seems that he DOES have rights, since this has been his residence, he can't be evicted. He seems to have researched this and the police do concur, they won't come and arrest him from my doorstep, since he's not trespassing, he lives here.
    Seems I have to give him 30 days notice, in writing, and then file with the courts.
    HOWEVER, since he in NOT paying RENT, and has been arrested for possession IN my HOME, I may have a leg to stand on....
     
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Depending on your state's laws, you may have to evict him. However, there is another option. You can go to your family court to get a Temporary Protection Order to make him leave immediately. My husband and I had to do that. We were working with an interventionist who suggested it. We had to list reasons we were afraid to have her in our house. When the judge saw that she was bringing drugs (including heroin) into our house, he immediately granted the TPO and sent deputies to our house to force her to leave. At that point, she agreed to go to an out of state rehab program. Make sure you bring the police report with you when you go.

    We will never let her live with us again for that reason. Even though she is doing great now, I will never put us into that position again.

    ~Kathy
     
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  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    It does depend on the state. I do think you have a leg to stand on since you have a minor child in the home, and he is clearly using heroin. I think you could go to court and ask for a protection order. I would call the court and see if they have anyone there that can help you. Some courts have lawyers for a day or advocates that can help you figure out your options.
     
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  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Eugenia. Welcome.

    There are multiple crimes involved by him. He may "know his rights" but you have rights too. He is depending upon you to be cowed and you cannot be. You could get into trouble by shielding him. The fact you have a minor child at risk could come back and bite you. Because you are the one who is responsible to protect that child.
    Each of these acts are crimes. Has each crime been reported to the police with police reports filed? Have the thefts been reported to your insurance company?

    If your insurance company is involved, they will be aggressive. There could be risks that this entails that need to be evaluated, but the current situation presents imminent risks, too.
    CPS has the right to remove a child who is subjected to abuse, when the responsible adult has not taken proactive steps. This is what you are dealing with.

    Few of us here know the law in each state. However, how could it ever be illegal to protect yourself, your property, your child?

    If you are frightened of any legal action he might take, consult an attorney. I doubt highly he has any legal leg to stand on, but I do not know the specifics and I am not an attorney.

    You might want to research the landlord tenant laws in your state. I just bought a book (I bought it used for a few dollars) that addresses the laws specific to my own state. The publisher is NOLO Press. They have books specific to many states and books that address tenant-landlord law generally making reference to specific states' law and how they differ.

    NOLO press has its own website where you can research the books.

    Two websites that sell used books very cheaply are abebooks.com and half.ebay.com. I think with delivery I paid less that $7.00.

    I think if it were me I would not let him back into the house. I would buy the book, but act first, before it arrives. I would take the stand that my juvenile child is at risk (is this who he stole the $100 from?). Remember you are at risk from him coming and going, especially if CPS becomes involved.

    Good luck. I hope you keep posting and let us know how things transpire. Posting does help.

    Take care.
     
  9. Eugenia

    Eugenia New Member

    Just for clarity:
    The teenage daughter has just turned 18 years old, so no longer a minor.
    He TOLD her that he took $100 to pay back a friend, and actually left her $30 change, because the debt was $70. It's no excuse, but it's the facts.
    I have never reported the stolen items to the insurance company, I never wanted to see him arrested. But that ship has sailed now...

    Also, he knew I was afraid of the shame of having the Police come to the house. We had that happen in High School, and it was horrible, especially for the child who was only 5 years old at the time, and now, at age 18, admits to having a vivid memory of the incident. So it's all she's known of her brother, and she loves him, unconditionally. She actually aspires to major in Neuro Biology to study the brain, because of her brother's addiction issues.

    I pleaded with the Police to please not publish this arrest in the paper. They told me that unfortunately they had no control of this. It's a shame that things like these arrests are published for all the 'Looky-Loos" to read and gossip about. The press should consider the family, that maybe there are children in the house, some that attend the schools in town, with students of parents who read and tell these reports to their children, their classmates. It's very hurtful. My daughter has a close friend in town who has experienced this, since she attends school in town. My daughter attends a parochial high school, so a little more removed from the gossip.

    Again, that ship has sailed. His crimes of shoplifting have been published, during his crime spree last winter. Since he knows I'm afraid of the shame, he always has held "call the police" over my head because he thought I was afraid of the shame of the neighbors knowing.... fact is, it was New Years Eve, and most of the neighbors were out for the night, and I asked the police to come without Lights on, and they obliged.

    He was doing well, after the DRC jail program, and we let him return home to live with us, my husband even let him work in his business along side of him. It was a dream we always had, have him take over the business one day, he's got the talent to do so, but it's lost in addiction now.

    Thank you all for listening... WHAT A WONDERFUL PLACE THIS IS! You are all so supportive, I'm glad I found you <3
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Well. I have a profession. A profession where I am supposed to be the expert in exactly the kind of thing going on in my family. There are a number of us here in that position. We have police here. We have attorneys. We have doctors and many nurses. And teachers galore. People who are supposed to not experience exactly what we are experiencing.

    Experts in one place and utterly lost at home.

    And we have everybody else too. There are people who post from all over the world, and we support each other: Asia, Europe, Israel, East Europe, Britain, Canada, the USA, Australia and New Zealand. The message: you are not alone.

    I called the police so many times. We went to the police. My son called the police on us. More than once he tried to get us arrested and put in jail.

    Although I understand and relate to the shame, really, is it yours to bear? Especially when it is empowering your child to harm himself.

    I am glad you are here with us. I do hope you keep posting. It really, really helps. If you have the time it would help you and others to post on other threads too. You have a great deal to offer.

    Take care.
     
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  11. dayatatime

    dayatatime Member

    So sorry you have to go through all of that. The order of protection seems like your best bet, then you can sort things out from there. Just remember that paperwork is the language that courts speak. One way to document things have happened is to go to the precinct and file paperwork, but ask that they not press charges (no cops at home, no arrest- but paperwork is important). ...though, really, the paperwork you already have should be enough. Your 18-year-old isn't a minor, exactly, but still carries extra weight of needing protection. FYI- where I live CPS can be involved until 21.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As a once foster parent in two states, at least where I lived Cps was indifferent to anyone 17 or up. They were pretty awful in both states too which is why we quit doing it.

    Just a heads up from Illinois and Wisconsin from the inside. Also we were supposedly therapeutic foster parents but got very little training and our caseworkers were unhelpful. For young children in dangerous situations there is no real option sadly except for CPS. For teens I feel even the police is better.

    Many of our foster kids ad been seriously abused while in foster care. They don't screen well...It's a mess.