Need help--intrusive school questions

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pepperidge, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    HI my 13 year son is having an FBA done this week at school, as a follow up to his agressive behavior in Dec when he was on an SSRI and his general impulsiveness.

    The FBA person wants to ask me a few questions about his medication and what attachment therapy he has had. I am really annoyed at the latter. It seems like there are some people out there who view all issues in adopted kids as attachment issues. Yes some adopted kids have severe attachment issues, yes all adopted kids need to come to terms with their adoption but Hello this is a kid with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). Why don't we start there.

    Anyway she is a nice lady from what I know of her but I am a bit annoyed at the school at this point. The principal is angry at my son for his "discipline infractions" and he is angry at us for having a kid with discipline problems. Hello, the kid has a disability. We don't like his behavior but getting angry doesn't help anyone. so this was the last straw.

    So what do I tell the FBA lady that won't get me labeled as a defensive b****? Why are you interested in the attachment therapy question? That I don't think it is any business of the school what issues we have discussed with the 14 or so mental health, speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) providers that we have seen over the past thirteen years? I have typically in the past signed releases so that they could talk to child therapist or psychiatrist but I am really not inclined in this case.

    Anyway I do want to maintain good relations with school but I am seriously running out of goodwill at this point.
  2. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Hmmm. If you think an attachment disorder impacts him at school then I would disclose/discuss. If this isn't on your radar as discussion-worthy, I would let them know that too.
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I'd probably phrase it along the lines of she must have received some incorrect information since the underlying major issue is Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), not an attachment issue (or if you've not shared the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) info, just say that attachment issues have not been identified in the private evaluations and treatment that you've obtained for difficult child). If you're leery of signing a release, if the issue comes up you could just ask her to forward any questions she has for private providers to you and you will see that she gets the information she needs (you can have the provider answer the questions and then send back to you before you forward on to her). If she questions why you are a gatekeeper, I think it's perfectly reasonable to explain that you are concerned about having nonessential mental health history and information being indiscriminately disseminated. You're not trying to hide anything, but since the SD will not be addressing his global mental health needs, they do not need to have free access to his mental health records.

    If you think he still needs speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) through the SD, you could do the same thing in terms of getting the info to them.

    I know (trust me, I *know*) how hard it is not to lump all school staff in the same pain-in-the-posterior class, but it sounds like this lady could actually set the principal straight on some things. Try to view her as an ally until/unless she proves otherwise.
  4. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    SLSh--very good suggestions. I was hoping that I could get a few rational responses out of people here. I like your suggestion that she must be mistaken about attachment issues, that is a good way to broach it. Yes, I really do want to stay on her side in the hopes that she will have something other than what the principal has suggested (token economy, been there done that works in very limited circumstances and just outlining the consequences for various infractions which is what the principal thinks the FBA should cover).
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Slsh has said exactly what I would recommend. She isn't an enemy until you see some evidence, but that does NOT mean she needs all of his mental health info, or his physical healht info. That is why we have HIPPA and privacy laws, Know what I mean??

    Hugs, it sounds like this is a pretty stressful time. I hope the principal changes his tune soon. If your instincts are to not disclose, then don't. Be polite but make them prove that they need the info. MANY people seem to think that attachment issues = Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), period and adopted kids all have attachement issues so adopted kids all have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and it explains all their problems. We all know that isn't the truth but many people won't believe it easily.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great advice from Sue (slsh)! Let us know how the meeting goes.

  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Can I ask what Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) means?

  8. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Fetal Alcohol? I think.

    I agree with slsh. That was great advice and I know too how hard it is to not lump the staff into one big PITA party. I have a hard time accepting the fact that Wevil's school is so different because they are a school for exceptional children and the public school my other difficult children go to is a big PITA for getting IEPs and BIPs done on a timely manner with accurate info on it. Wevil's school specialized in disabilties and disabled children from all areas and all walks of life. I'm starting to ease up because I'm starting to realize that not all staff and schools are created equally and you can't lump them together as looking for a fight or looking to cause problems. Hard lesson to learn when all you've ever known if people who fight you on how your child should be treated and taught.