This has been going on since late spring/early summer. I took him to ER first time, where his heart rate was elevated, but everything else was fine. doctor suggested panic attack, which husband poo-pooed. He was given an rx for Xanax which he hasn't used (works at a refinery, so I understand that). He's had full cardiac workup short of another cath and it was all normal, and had an endoscopy that was shockingly normal for a morbidly obese 49-year-old who has been chewing tobacco for 30 years. He's been feeling "bad" for a month straight now. We did have the flu run through the house, and he ended up with- sinusitis, treated with antibiotics, so he *should* be back to baseline. He had another "small" panic attack yesterday morning. I let him be for a while, then patted his leg (I don't like to be crowded when I'm having an attack) and told him there's no such thing as a "small" attack. He moped around all day long, took a couple naps, did sit with- Boo while I ran Diva up for preop lab work, but ... really, he didn't do a darn thing all day other than (I'm guessing) obsess about how bad he felt. At 7:00 last night, he said he was going to hospital to "make sure it's all in my head." I told him to drive carefully. I heard him come in around 10:30 - I didn't say anything to him because... well, "I told you so" just didn't seem to be appropriate.... sigh. It's taking all my strength to not just lose it on him and tell him to get off his posterior and do *something*, anything. We are complete opposites, and we know it, and that's why I haven't offered my solution to panic attacks (grit teeth, get angry, get thru it, and when I feel like my heart is going to explode, then I will take a minute or 2 to do deep breathing/meditation, but then I have to get back to doing something/anything). It's affecting our home life and apparently also affecting his work - he said there are days when he just prays they don't need him to do anything because he just "can't." The man is completely losing it. He did come to me the day after Christmas and told me he's ready to see a therapist (pigs were flying and it was snowing in Hades). I have not been pressuring him - suggested it once when this all started, but I knew he would have to want it for it to have a chance of working. I called and left a msg, but I'm sure most professionals took the week off, much to husband's dismay. I think there's a 50/50 chance this will help - husband is going to have to admit the full extent of the stressors in his life for the last 24 years, and he's not that kind of guy. He "gets over" things quickly - like when our daughter died, I actively grieved for literally years, but I remember our first and probably worst fight about 3 months after she died - I was just screaming at him that I wanted our daughter back and he didn't seem to give a darn that she was gone, and he just looked at me and said "She's dead. I can't change it, it's done, and I've just accepted it." He's been like this forever, and I honestly think the cumulative effect of 24 difficult years is making him lose his mind now. I'm trying to be empathetic and supportive, but.... the man's timing could not be worse. Diva's surgery is on Wednesday, and I had my own "small" panic attack while we were filling out paperwork yesterday. I hate surgery, period, totally stress about the kids, and am once again going to have to do this on my own. The recovery period is going to be a bear. Then we've got thank you who, while maintaining, has stalled and is frustrated; Wee, who is having his own issues about college (major anxiety); and Boo, with his ongoing issues, some more pressing than others. I don't have it in me to pull husband thru this pile of manure too. It's not new that I have to deal with- the various issues on my own, but... it *is* getting old and would be nice to have husband a bit more present. Heaven help me, I have zero patience for his panic right now, and am really resenting the medical bills he is piling up because he just needs reassurance that it's all in his head. I mean... really? I know I sound like a witch, but... I really need some practical advice here on how to help him (or at least not verbally annihilate him). The really horrible selfish toad in me feels like I've been dealing with- this koi on my own for years, but still managed to at least keep things running (relatively speaking) around here. The fact that he has totally shut down is really really *really* burning my toast. Suggestions?