Need help - may be a legal question

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Just when I thought difficult child was turning easy child...

    difficult child 20 has a boyfriend (29 with two small sons). His exgf began harrassing difficult child by sending her messages on facebook, driving by her hangouts, even coming into the hangouts and calling her nasty names. Unbelievable to me, difficult child was able to NOT respond, though it has been killing her. It's been going on over a month now and difficult child's boyfriend says he's trying to save some money so he can contact a lawyer, because the ex has been manipulating his visitation with his sons over his involvement with difficult child. The ex claims that difficult child's boyfriend has spent nights with her at her house (the ex has a live in boyfriend and lives above her boyfriend's parents, so it's not really possible). The ex also claims that the entire time the difficult child and the boyfriend have been together (9 months+) that the ex and difficult child's boyfriend have been sleeping toghether (also not so believable since difficult child and boyfriend pretty much spend every night together except on Saturday nights when he has his boys).

    **This morning difficult child called me from work and said that the ex has fabricated texts/messages from difficult child to the ex and has threatened difficult child's boyfriend that she's retained a lawyer and unless he stops seeing difficult child, she's going to take him to court and charge difficult child with harrassment and get the judge to disallow any visitation with his boys.**

    I told difficult child that should there be any investigation, the authenticity of the texts/messages would be found out, so if she sent ANY, she should come clean now. She said the only message she sent was telling the exgf to leave her alone and not to contact her in any way and that's it. Anything else, difficult child claims, the exgf created.

    So, difficult child asked me if she should go to the police, sort of as a pre-emptive measure against the exgf - I advised against that because if difficult child is not guilty of anything, she should just lay back and wait. I think the exgf is just bluffing and trying to manipulate difficult child's boyfriend somehow. difficult child's boyfriend even claims to have gone to the exgf's mother and her mother even said the exgf is crazy and that she doesn't know what her motivation is.

    So, I would love to hear some comments. I really do not know how to advise difficult child on this because I've stood up for her and been burned so many times. Most of me is feeling that she's telling me the truth, but there is another part of me that feels she may have sent more than that one message and it was a doozy so she doesn't want to own up to it. But I am not sure.
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I think difficult child should go to the police. This woman is harassing her. It would be helfpul if difficult child has kept any of the messages on FB, or texts, or has witnesses (at the places difficult child hangs out) who could or would sign an affidavit stating what they have witnessed ex doing.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Heather! She does have all the msgs and texts this woman has sent to her and three people who know difficult child (and exgf) have told difficult child that if she goes to the police, they will back her up. Thanks. I don't know why I wasn't thinking of that. I will tell difficult child to forward them to her email and print them out. Later we can go see the people at the hang out place and check with them that they would truly be willing to back her up. I don't want to make any moves without being certain.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Also if she has texts on her phone, send them to her email and save them.

    I will tell you, it is quite easy to fake a text message or email. Why courts believe the printouts without actually checking computers completely amazes me. I watch the judge shows on TV and when they just accept the texts....I gag. If I truly wanted to prove a text or email, I would print screen what was showing on my computer. Not just print it out. That would really show I was being up front.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    She already saved them in her emails and now she's forwarding them to my email so I can print and copy them. The original texts and messages have a date and time stamp on them, so I am curious how the exgf would be able to prove that she didn't just make them all up, which is why I wanted difficult child to have her boyfriend send me a copy of those as well - I will be able to tell if it's difficult child's style of writing and take a guess as to whether or not they are from difficult child...I hope.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, you will probably be able to tell. Your the mom. A judge? Not so much. I was talking from a legal standpoint.

    Supposedly if you printout a email or text, you can see the sender and date stamp right? Well, if you are good (which I am) you can go in and change the text when you are forwarding an email. Doesnt take a rocket scientist.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have deleted sentences from emails that I forward too. I know it's possible, but like you said the only way to determine its authenticity would be to research the computer hard drive.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Or the cell phone records of your difficult child. That will for sure prove she did not send them.
  9. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    I'm going to take a possibly unpopular opinion. I think difficult child sent more than that one message. Why do I know this, because deep down I am a difficult child and I know I have done stupid things just like this in the past and have gotten caught. Even as an adult easy child/difficult child I have made really bad choices. I'm sorry. I hope not, but I would expect the worst, and hope for the best!
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Honestly, the court isn't going to care who the boyfriend is with. The ex can't throw stones as she's got a live in boyfriend of her own and is living with his parents. A judge would simply laugh at her. Unless he is abusing/neglecting those kids in some way she can prove.......boyfriend is safe with his visitation rights.

    In dealing with drama that will get the other person no where if you simply refuse to react to it? I sit on my hands and refuse to respond to it. I've found it much more effective.