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Parent Emeritus
Need help...throwing up my hands
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 713454" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>You have found the right place for support here. I don't post often, but there is a lot wisdom and compassion in the replies from members. You are probably enabling her, but that might be just where you are. We each have our own journey and asking the question shows awareness. Because of having an adult borderline daughter myself, I know that the choices we face are hard, and I vacillate between enabling and resentment, but I am learning to put self-care and my well-being foremost. It feels selfish, but I know it is the right thing to do. Your daughter will keep you in a FOG - fear, obligation, and guilt to get what she wants. My situation is further complicated because my 36 year old daughter has two small children and is on the verge of being homeless. No matter how much I've helped, she hasn't changed for the better. She rallies for a little while, but then everything falls apart. Like you, I plan to move when I retire in 3 years. I am not running away from my problems, but I do not want live with the constant stress and pressure by her to be rescued. There's no reciprocity of kindness and concern - only blame. Be kind to yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 713454, member: 19832"] You have found the right place for support here. I don't post often, but there is a lot wisdom and compassion in the replies from members. You are probably enabling her, but that might be just where you are. We each have our own journey and asking the question shows awareness. Because of having an adult borderline daughter myself, I know that the choices we face are hard, and I vacillate between enabling and resentment, but I am learning to put self-care and my well-being foremost. It feels selfish, but I know it is the right thing to do. Your daughter will keep you in a FOG - fear, obligation, and guilt to get what she wants. My situation is further complicated because my 36 year old daughter has two small children and is on the verge of being homeless. No matter how much I've helped, she hasn't changed for the better. She rallies for a little while, but then everything falls apart. Like you, I plan to move when I retire in 3 years. I am not running away from my problems, but I do not want live with the constant stress and pressure by her to be rescued. There's no reciprocity of kindness and concern - only blame. Be kind to yourself. [/QUOTE]
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Need help...throwing up my hands
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