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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 713981" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are in their lives way too much. They are able bodied adults but you are not only paying for everything but doing their yard work....why??? You are not in your own house to help them???? WHY? You want to buy thenl m a house? You cant buy their happiness, including grandson. Most kids change schools...but you would BUY a house for them so grandson stays in his school district???</p><p></p><p>Wait, wait, wait. Not only will they not appreciate it, they wont take care of it. They are not going to appreciate a house THEY dont have to pay for...they dont even care for THIS house...</p><p></p><p>Why would you pay for a wedding? This isnt the first rodeo. Why cant they have a few people and go to Justice of Peace? I know we would never pay for a big wedfing, not a first one, for my daughter to marry an ex frlon who cant support the family. This is not a necessity. Daughter works. Let her pay only for ehat she can afford.</p><p></p><p>My opinion is you still seevthis daughter as very young (like a child) and a spoiled, entitled one at that. Did you hand her everythingnl as a child and still feel you have to give her all you have because a Mom does this? Newsflash: You are a Mother to an adult and mother herself now. You are no longer a Mommy to that cute little ten year old who needed you for everything. Your adult offspring needs to wake up and stop thinking mommy will fix all, like that ten year old did. Or she will be lost. Always. And you need to stop being a mommy to these adults. </p><p></p><p>Howvl will she EVER stand alone once you are gone? The rest of the world wont treat her like she requires all her desires cared for.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, i have a 21 year old who wont take money from us. I do have a difficult adult child, but he pays 100% for his own stuff. I cant relate to the degree you ate willing to give up everything, including your peace and health, for obviously an ungrateful, childish daughter plus a faulty fiance. It is not your responsibility. It is theres. I will repeat. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. IT IS THEIRS, EVRN IF THEY DONT WANT IT!</p><p></p><p>We as parents make choices. Just like our difficult adults do. We choose to love them enough to pull back and allow them to grow up and live as adults.</p><p></p><p> Or we chose to baby them so that they expect us to keep caring for them like children. </p><p></p><p>Or we choose a middle path, maybe paying rent (notnl buying a house) as long as we see their progress. And we pull back if they dont start paying for themselves, as they promised </p><p></p><p>in my opinion and I mean no offense (i know you have a kind heart) you are choosing the most destructive path for your daughter.. a path of helplessness and constant rescue. Comes to no good.</p><p></p><p>For your sake and hers I urge you to GO HOME and get into therapy. GET INTO THERAPY FOR YOURSELF!! This is very unhealthy</p><p></p><p> Please seek professional guidance and learn how to STOP being in your daughters face at every turn. Dont helicopter her.</p><p></p><p>You need in my opinion to learn to take your life back. And your daughter needs to do things herself and pay her own way. If she wont, she will face consequences. But the way it is now she will not be able to make it in life. And, again, you cant hold her up forever. WE ALL DIE!</p><p></p><p>I hope you ditch the house idea. Many.people rent. Its not the end of the world. Is she a drug user?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 713981, member: 1550"] You are in their lives way too much. They are able bodied adults but you are not only paying for everything but doing their yard work....why??? You are not in your own house to help them???? WHY? You want to buy thenl m a house? You cant buy their happiness, including grandson. Most kids change schools...but you would BUY a house for them so grandson stays in his school district??? Wait, wait, wait. Not only will they not appreciate it, they wont take care of it. They are not going to appreciate a house THEY dont have to pay for...they dont even care for THIS house... Why would you pay for a wedding? This isnt the first rodeo. Why cant they have a few people and go to Justice of Peace? I know we would never pay for a big wedfing, not a first one, for my daughter to marry an ex frlon who cant support the family. This is not a necessity. Daughter works. Let her pay only for ehat she can afford. My opinion is you still seevthis daughter as very young (like a child) and a spoiled, entitled one at that. Did you hand her everythingnl as a child and still feel you have to give her all you have because a Mom does this? Newsflash: You are a Mother to an adult and mother herself now. You are no longer a Mommy to that cute little ten year old who needed you for everything. Your adult offspring needs to wake up and stop thinking mommy will fix all, like that ten year old did. Or she will be lost. Always. And you need to stop being a mommy to these adults. Howvl will she EVER stand alone once you are gone? The rest of the world wont treat her like she requires all her desires cared for. Honestly, i have a 21 year old who wont take money from us. I do have a difficult adult child, but he pays 100% for his own stuff. I cant relate to the degree you ate willing to give up everything, including your peace and health, for obviously an ungrateful, childish daughter plus a faulty fiance. It is not your responsibility. It is theres. I will repeat. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. IT IS THEIRS, EVRN IF THEY DONT WANT IT! We as parents make choices. Just like our difficult adults do. We choose to love them enough to pull back and allow them to grow up and live as adults. Or we chose to baby them so that they expect us to keep caring for them like children. Or we choose a middle path, maybe paying rent (notnl buying a house) as long as we see their progress. And we pull back if they dont start paying for themselves, as they promised in my opinion and I mean no offense (i know you have a kind heart) you are choosing the most destructive path for your daughter.. a path of helplessness and constant rescue. Comes to no good. For your sake and hers I urge you to GO HOME and get into therapy. GET INTO THERAPY FOR YOURSELF!! This is very unhealthy Please seek professional guidance and learn how to STOP being in your daughters face at every turn. Dont helicopter her. You need in my opinion to learn to take your life back. And your daughter needs to do things herself and pay her own way. If she wont, she will face consequences. But the way it is now she will not be able to make it in life. And, again, you cant hold her up forever. WE ALL DIE! I hope you ditch the house idea. Many.people rent. Its not the end of the world. Is she a drug user? [/QUOTE]
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