need help with my spouse putting his foot down on his son


New Member
my spouse won't put his foot down when his18 year old son lives, breath, thinks only about when his next weed smoke time will be and with who. he lost his job after only 3 weeks bought a salvage bmw before his first pay check. i had kicked him out already for disrespecting me when i had asked him not to smoke in the house because of a notice given to all tenants about smoking in the unit. very next night he went ahead and lit up his device they call a "bong" right on the kitchen counter , catching him i said " did i not say to not smoke in here no more" and he responded with" this is my dads place, i had to correct him and say its me and your dads place now get the "f" out wanting to disrespect me. eventually he packed and left. 4 weeks later only because my husband wanted his son back in the house i thought and thought about it and put myself and my child (from another father) in his shoes , and said ok but it will take awhile to try and live peaceful again. WELL I WAS SO WRONG, IT GOT EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE. it is driving me to divorce my husband but that would only say that his son wins, so i now try to live each day for the sake of my kids. me and my husband got married with having 5 children from our previous relationships but have none together. I ask the dear lord to please keep me strong each day and hope my stepson can come to his right mind and try to change. no one can change a person only themselves can do it.


Well-Known Member
Hi and welcome, VMS

It adds another layer of difficulty to the situation when you are a step-parent to a young adult Difficult Child who is living in the home and is an addict. I experienced much the same thing.

The most important thing is to get 'on the same page' with your hubby. Present a united front. Have dad handle the confrontations.

My hubby was initially focused on getting his Difficult Child to finish a 2-year college program so that he would have a skill and could get a good job before he left home. He put up with a lot of behavior problems, broken rules, drug use, and disrespect before he finally realized that it was a bad idea to allow his son to get away with behaving this way. in the end he never even came close to passing his classes and it caused a lot of problems in our relationship.

It is unlikely that your step-son will change as long as he is allowed to live in your home while behaving this way and you are supporting his lifestyle. I mean, why would he change? He has no incentive to change. Things are going his way.

Talk with your hubby and have him set down rules that your son must follow. He must be willing to enforce them, though. He must have consequences.

Stay with us.