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Need help with Plan B
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<blockquote data-quote="ShesMakingMeCrazy" data-source="post: 688540" data-attributes="member: 20323"><p>Thanks so much for all your responses. I wrote this, then was off line for a while. Imagine my surprise when I checked in to find all this activity. There are some excellent suggestions here.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>She has the power to make the entire house angry and upset. She has the power to make our lives a living hell. She has the power to stress myself and my husband to the point of OUR wanting to run away!</p><p></p><p>I totally understand about intermittent rewards being very reinforcing. The problem lies in her persistent/frequent attitudinal behavior. She wears us down so much that we'll do almost anything to buy a little peace. It's especially bad now that she is home all the time.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I like this idea and we will be implementing it. She is getting a job, so she will have more of her own money. She has no ability to save money. It is almost pathological the way she HAS to spend any money she has as soon as possible.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is where we have run into problems. A simple no can combust into an all-day screamfest, consequences be d*mned. She has no sense of self-preservation when she is in this state. One day she ran away because we would not get her a chinchilla. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This sound very familiar. I have suggested to her that she engages in "Retail Therapy" on a regular basis. She of course denies this, having little insight. She uses buying as her answer to boredom, angst, poor self-esteem, etc, etc. It often does not matter what is being bought.</p><p></p><p>She also does the black and white response to our parenting. If she gets a positive response to a request, she is overjoyed, pleasant, helpful, a real member of the family. If she gets a "no", then all bets are off. We are terrible parents, we never compromise, we never do anything for her, we only think about ourselves, and on and on. . . Her mouth has no filter, she'll say any mean thing she can think of, most of which I'm sure she does not mean.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard to tease out the cause of/motivation behind her behavior. It sure feels like manipulation, but there is also loss of control. If it were just manipulation, she would not keep going to the point of losing access to all her electronics.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I absolutely love this! I will implement this immediately.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ShesMakingMeCrazy, post: 688540, member: 20323"] Thanks so much for all your responses. I wrote this, then was off line for a while. Imagine my surprise when I checked in to find all this activity. There are some excellent suggestions here. She has the power to make the entire house angry and upset. She has the power to make our lives a living hell. She has the power to stress myself and my husband to the point of OUR wanting to run away! I totally understand about intermittent rewards being very reinforcing. The problem lies in her persistent/frequent attitudinal behavior. She wears us down so much that we'll do almost anything to buy a little peace. It's especially bad now that she is home all the time. I like this idea and we will be implementing it. She is getting a job, so she will have more of her own money. She has no ability to save money. It is almost pathological the way she HAS to spend any money she has as soon as possible. This is where we have run into problems. A simple no can combust into an all-day screamfest, consequences be d*mned. She has no sense of self-preservation when she is in this state. One day she ran away because we would not get her a chinchilla. This sound very familiar. I have suggested to her that she engages in "Retail Therapy" on a regular basis. She of course denies this, having little insight. She uses buying as her answer to boredom, angst, poor self-esteem, etc, etc. It often does not matter what is being bought. She also does the black and white response to our parenting. If she gets a positive response to a request, she is overjoyed, pleasant, helpful, a real member of the family. If she gets a "no", then all bets are off. We are terrible parents, we never compromise, we never do anything for her, we only think about ourselves, and on and on. . . Her mouth has no filter, she'll say any mean thing she can think of, most of which I'm sure she does not mean. It is very hard to tease out the cause of/motivation behind her behavior. It sure feels like manipulation, but there is also loss of control. If it were just manipulation, she would not keep going to the point of losing access to all her electronics. I absolutely love this! I will implement this immediately. [/QUOTE]
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