Need ideas

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Oct 19, 2009.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jessica FINALLY admitted that she feels very isolated and alone. She has no group of online friends and her friends here are ignoring her. They have been for over a year but she clung to the hope that things would smooth out.

    The girl Jess thought of as her "bff" really isn't. This friend, S, has almost never called Jess to go do something. Jess is always the one to initiate contact. Often S will promise to "call back" and then never do it.

    I know how that feels. Even my aunt refuses to call me and almost never responds to my calls. It makes you feel unwanted and horrible.

    Do any of you know of online forums, groups etc... that Jess might try? The acting classes and local theater are out. She says the people on facebook are too old and on myspace it is older guys pretending to be teens.

    I think she is at a point that therapy might help. Prior to this (in the last 2 years) she would not open up and talk about problems like this. It sure sounds like now she might be open to talking about this with someone other than me. (And of course she will not speak to dad about any of it.)

    I wonder if maybe Special Olympics might have support groups. She needs to spend time with other people.

    Thanks for any ideas you can think of.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Special Olympics isn't a bad idea. Could she manage 4H.....not all of them require alot of physical work.

    I'll have to think on this a bit.
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    4H is a good idea. You don't have to live in a rural environment where you can keep horses or cattle or sheep or swine.

    If you go the animal route (and zoning allows for it), you can always work with dogs or rabbits or poultry.

    If you don't go the animal route, well...there are lots of avenues there such as gardening and cooking and canning as well as handicrafts.

    husband was gardening-mad. I set up raised beds for him so that he could use a shower stool and a walker (one of the ones with a built-in bench) and still be able to do all that was needed to care for things!

    Also, Google for dystonia support groups and see what you come up with. I'd lay odds that there are groups out there for teens as well.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Susie, J is at such a vulnerable age; these kids usually even out their attitudes.

    Saying that, I can't think of much else that hasn't been suggested except possibly on the arts end. Does J sing? A choir? Does she paint or draw? How about the fiber arts? More & more teens are taking up knitting & such to make their own designer scarves, hats & such.

    I'm sorry she's have such a hard time. As I said, this can be a difficult time for you ladies & friends come & go all thru middle school thru like sophomore year.
  5. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Are there any homeschooling groups that have social activities near you? Or homeschooling classes? We have a place for homeschoolers to go for one day each week and take classes. A lot of the teens go and spend the day there in order to socialize.

    My daughter was able to take a sewing class there last year but is not able to do that this year. If your daughter's health allows, is there something similar there?

    We also have a support group in town for kids with chronic health issues other than cancer. I looked into this last year for my daughter but because of her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), they wouldn't take her, so I don't have any real experience with it. You might look for something similar near you. Ours is called "Wonders and Worries".

    I hope our girls can get in touch with each other at some point. My daughter is just not feeling well enough to be social right now.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We are staying very close to her at this time. I had plans to go do some shopping but cannot leave her alone.

    husband woke up one time and thought he saw/heard her stabbing a pillow with a knife. He wasn't sure (and is very groggy at night) and she told him that everything was fine, to go back to sleep. He then drifted out.

    We have NEVER blamed my illness on the kids. Jess feels that my parents have told her that her problems are exaggerated and are the cause of all my problems. She feels they keep asking her if she has been "good" and helping me out a lot.

    Of course she has, but she thinks it is never good enough for my Mom and Dad to accept. Scarily, it probably isn't good enough for them. They have such vastly different standards for her and the boys, and for my bro and I.

    The things that she says my parents tell her, sadly, ring true to me. Too much like what I have been told in the past. I am sure that if I speak to my parents about it they will deny it and "wonder why she is picking on them" to my face. THEN they will go to her when we are not around and be quite vicious to her. been there done that. Too much like when my mom had her breakdown. It was due to my bro's drunken felonies but the blame came to me for not "telling her" that he was an alcoholic. Even though I did, many times.

    Sadly, all I can do is help her work through this with-o confronting them. That will do MUCH more harm than good. She needs a lot more counseling before she does that. Right now she is terrified of what they will say to her if they know she told me.

    I am working today to find places for her to interact with other kids.

    She just woke up and does not remember stabbing the pillow. Or that is what she is saying to deal with the embarrassment of having her dad see her do something like that. He goes on and on about how stressed he is and this has the sad result of Jess wanting to protect him from anything that would upset him. Nothing we say or do can shake that. No therapist has ever been able to help either. We will keep trying though.

    All ideas are truly appreciated.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I was thinking something along the lines of Linda's suggestions about the fiber arts. Maybe even a group that has a mix of ages, just to give her more human contact than at home, would be a good start.

    Hugs to Jessie. The middle school years can be so difficult.