Hi knicole,
If ever there was a time when you needed to be clear-headed, calm, and steady - it is now. Change of placement is a major move and one you need to be absolutely sure is in your son's best interest.
If I were a betting woman, I would bet good money that there is something else going on with your son. It is vital that a correct diagnosis be persued in order to begin to treat these symptoms and behaviors that are interrupting everyone's lives - but most of all his ability to learn and socialize.
Now, they can't just suspend your boy indefinitely saying, "he can't come back until we meet".
It is in most kids best interest to stay in mainstream school. I think pursuing a 1:1 crisis counselor/aide/para for your son while at school would be a great alternative to a change of placement. It is clear that your son can do the work. In my ever-so-humble opinion, you son probably looks at a page full of work and feels overwhelmed. That feeling of being overwhelmed gets the anxiety going, which begins to build and turn into frustration, which in turn becomes anger and aggression when questioned or he feels his space is being invaded. It also appears he is suffering from "difficult child entitlement" issues, a common malady among our kids!
If he were assigned a 1:1, that person will get to know our son, recognize the visible signs of his building distress and then step in. He can take your son out of the classroom for a walk in the halls, a calming visit to the library, etc., thus removing your son from what he found frustrating and preventing a meltdown. The benefit of a 1:1 is imense in cases such as these. It allows the teacher to focus her attention on the classroom and not one child. It allows the child in question to have a personal alli and support system which can go such a long way with our kids. Mentoring and modeling behavior are often the outcomes. And, most importantly, a 1:1 is a support that will allow a difficult child to remain in the LRE (least restrictive environment) which is what the law calls for.
knicole, my son was where your son is a number of years ago. The attitude and behaviors you describe mirror my son's issues. Although my son was not diagnosis'd with an mood issues, his adhd and anxiety were through the roof!
Please take some time to read the archives here that will help you know how to proceed. This is a major change in your son's life.
I would resist any change of placement until a real working diagnosis is given. The umbrella of ODD just doesn't cut it. There is more.
I would also pursue the supports that will allow your son to stay where he is.
Lost in School is a fabulous book and I second the recommendation of reading it. I also recommend you purchasing a copy for your school's IEP team!!!!!!!!
Sharon