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Parent Emeritus
need reminder that I am only a money machine to my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="4now" data-source="post: 632108" data-attributes="member: 17356"><p>Thanks Recovering, everything you said is correct. My son is an adult who is well past the age where he should be needing a mommy. I have noticed on this journey to detach from his drama that the more successful I become at stepping away from his drama and detaching, the more frantic he becomes and the more extreme his behavior. The bottom line is I am finally sick of the roller coaster ride and finally willing to detach to preserve my life and my sanity. </p><p></p><p>I think that for me the biggest regret is that I didn't reach this point while he was younger. I had some a hangup with the mental illness aspect and thought that it wasn't fair and that if he had an illness it was my duty as a mother to try and help him become well again. If he had cancer I would drive him to chemo so I didn't see how trying to help him receive treatment for his mental illness was different. I realize now that it wasn't helping and that it has probably made things worse and at the very least prolonged his dependency far past an appropriate age. </p><p></p><p>I know I am like every other parent on this site, in that we deeply love and care for our children no matter what the age, and would move heaven and earth to help them if it were in our power and control.</p><p></p><p>I have finally in the last year reached the stage where I won't allow difficult child to abuse me verbally and I do hang up and refuse to take his calls when he is abusive. I have also stopped reacting to his text and calls and try to take time to figure out how I want to respond or if I even want to respond. What is still hard is that he keeps grasping for me and reaching to me for what he says he needs which is my love and support of him.</p><p></p><p>As the situation continues and I am able to view things less emotionally, I do see that what he says he wants from me and what his actions he shows me are completely different. It really boils down to the fact that he wants money. Money to get his medicine, money for shelter, money for food, money for shoes, clothes. It is never ending and it is all things that at 33 years old he should be able to provide for himself </p><p></p><p>I am no longer willing to substitute money for love and concern. The only help he is going to get from me is loving him enough to detach and let him realize that he is able to fix his own life. I am working hard and remaining lovingly detached from his neediness and drama while trying to enjoy my life and move forward. With the help and support of the members of this site. Thank god there are people that understand and can offer words of support, advice and encouragement .</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="4now, post: 632108, member: 17356"] Thanks Recovering, everything you said is correct. My son is an adult who is well past the age where he should be needing a mommy. I have noticed on this journey to detach from his drama that the more successful I become at stepping away from his drama and detaching, the more frantic he becomes and the more extreme his behavior. The bottom line is I am finally sick of the roller coaster ride and finally willing to detach to preserve my life and my sanity. I think that for me the biggest regret is that I didn't reach this point while he was younger. I had some a hangup with the mental illness aspect and thought that it wasn't fair and that if he had an illness it was my duty as a mother to try and help him become well again. If he had cancer I would drive him to chemo so I didn't see how trying to help him receive treatment for his mental illness was different. I realize now that it wasn't helping and that it has probably made things worse and at the very least prolonged his dependency far past an appropriate age. I know I am like every other parent on this site, in that we deeply love and care for our children no matter what the age, and would move heaven and earth to help them if it were in our power and control. I have finally in the last year reached the stage where I won't allow difficult child to abuse me verbally and I do hang up and refuse to take his calls when he is abusive. I have also stopped reacting to his text and calls and try to take time to figure out how I want to respond or if I even want to respond. What is still hard is that he keeps grasping for me and reaching to me for what he says he needs which is my love and support of him. As the situation continues and I am able to view things less emotionally, I do see that what he says he wants from me and what his actions he shows me are completely different. It really boils down to the fact that he wants money. Money to get his medicine, money for shelter, money for food, money for shoes, clothes. It is never ending and it is all things that at 33 years old he should be able to provide for himself I am no longer willing to substitute money for love and concern. The only help he is going to get from me is loving him enough to detach and let him realize that he is able to fix his own life. I am working hard and remaining lovingly detached from his neediness and drama while trying to enjoy my life and move forward. With the help and support of the members of this site. Thank god there are people that understand and can offer words of support, advice and encouragement . Sent using ConductDisorders [/QUOTE]
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