Need some advice quick....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mavh2005, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. mavh2005

    mavh2005 Member

    Should I tell the doctor today that BM is now back with her drug addict husband? difficult child told us less than a month ago, that BM wanted a divorce but she couldn't get her husband to sign. Now that he's out of jail/rehab, they're supposedly working things out. When he got out of rehab, she was dating one guy that verbally abused her (BM) and physically abused BMs other daughter (that part is per difficult child) It was less than a day that the old boyfriend and BM broke up that she was back to the drug addict husband.

    I know this effects difficult child big time, and I mentioned it to therapist yesterday. But I'm not sure if I should bring it up today at the doctor appointment. I can't imagine what difficult child thinks... BM has told her she wants my husband back, then she dates another guy while still married, and tells difficult child she wants to divorce him, but less than a month later, she's back to the husband..

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OK - I have a really weird BM situation too. So... I wouldn't.

    Not unless it becomes absolutely necessary. I'm guessing that this is a regular doctor. If this is the case, then physical abuse might need to be noted; but I would keep the convoluted mess for therapy.

    Just my $0.02.
  3. mavh2005

    mavh2005 Member


    It is her regular doctor. At this time we don't have a psychiatrist for her. Just the regular peditrician. Who is wonderful. Theres two reasons I thought the doctor would need to know.. 1 is she is doing all the medication checks and sees just how difficult child is. therapist is just now getting to see how difficult child really is. And 2: BM has 2 other children who see the same doctor who both have issues as well.

    BM has a history of lying/stretching/twisting the truth to make herself look good. This, obviously doesn't look good on her part. I don't care who she dates or really what she does, but difficult child is just starting to get better. I think we *might* have found the right medication combo for her and I don't want anyhting to jepordize it.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Maybe a brief heads-up that you're concerned because BM has returned to abuser hubby and that's it... Unfortunately, you can't get too much into other business. Sigh. I know.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I don't think the doctor can take your input into consideration for the other kid's records so it may not help them out. With privacy laws, the doctor can not even share with you that he/she knows these other kids unless you have joint custody.

    I would keep the situation very brief - Does the doctor ask about "Do you feel safe in the home?" "Are there drugs/alcohol present in the home?" It is advisable to say, "I don't know how safe my child feels in BM's home and I do feel strongly that there are illegal drugs in BM's home."

    Keep the info very brief and let the doctor ask the proding questions for more info.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Technically, the doctor can't unhear what is said. I agree, keep it brief. The doctor is not allowed to respond in any matter to do with another patient, but nothing can stop you talking while the doctor listens.

    I've been in the situation where I needed to share info with the doctor (about mother in law - without her knowledge). The doctor said, "I can't comment," and I said, "I'm not asking you to. Just listen, and take it into account when you next see her."

    However, that was a bit different. In this case - briefly touch on what concerns you where it pertains directly to difficult child, then drop the topic. The focus has to be difficult child's needs here, nobody else's. Do not distract the doctor too much.

  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I like the way Andy put it...that you're concerned about difficult child feeling safe, and you believe there are illegal drugs in the home. Let the doctor take it from there.
  8. mavh2005

    mavh2005 Member

    I ended up not saying anything @ all. I'm gonna keep my eyes & ears open & see what happens. I did talk to difficult child about the stepdad & drugs.. she swears she has no clue has was/is a user other than what BM & I have told her. Not sure if I believe her or not though.
    Thanks again for the replies!!
  9. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    this makes me greatful that my step-sons BM is not involved with him in any way shape or form. can you not do something to prevent the child from going there and being exposed to such an environment? like demand supervised visits in public or something? i don't think i would be open to allowing my SS into that type of situation regardless of if she is his BM or not. perhaps any court orders need to be revisited. in my case, the BM stopped visitation with the child on her own because she could not stay clean long enough to be sober for visits and as sad as that is i am greatful i only have to have minimal contact with her.
  10. mavh2005

    mavh2005 Member

    We have tried... but lost. This county is very pro-BM. And BM is the world's greatest actress. Can put on a show like you wouldn't believe...