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Parent Emeritus
Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651613" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is tough, but I'll give you my thoughts and you can use them or toss them out if they aren't helpful.</p><p></p><p>First of all, you know your son best. Does he lie? Ponder that. If he does lie, he may have assaulted the man. On the other hand if he is truly schizoaffective, with the hallucinations and all (you know if you believe this diagnose or not...they get so many diagnoses)...then maybe he doesn't even know what happened. Is he compliant with medications? Drug abusing? Sooooo much to think about.</p><p></p><p>If my grown kid had hallucinations...honest and true breaks with reality...I would treat it differently than if he did not, but just had a mood disorder. There is a difference. I have a serious mood disorder, but no hallucinations so I know fantasy from reality. A hallucination seems real to the person. If your son is really that mentally ill that he can't tell fantasy from reality, I may call the PD to ask that he get mental health services rather than jail time...or both, since, sadly, in our country the jails are now often our mental health hospitals. (Very scary show on this on television recently). But if he can get the right medications, that would be good. Meanwhile he'll have his meals and be getting better. Is it really better for him to be out on the streets in his frame of mind? Is it due to his mental illness, which he can't control, or just plain unwillingness to get help, to stop using drugs, or to get a job. I make a distinction between true mental illness that can not be controlled and our Difficult Child who are plain defiant, maybe depressed or even bipolar, but I do not make exceptions unless the adult child hallucinates and has a poor sense of what reality is.</p><p></p><p>So your son would be difficult for me to figure out, unlike my own kids were. I would need to figure out if he was in this world or living in another one. That's how I would make my decision. If I thought my adult child were "insane" I would do what I could, knowing that it's not much. If he was just acting like a victim and refusing any help, then I would keep refusing to enable him. I would talk to him on the phone, but no money. </p><p></p><p>The last consideration I think that should always be a matter of importance is if you can afford to help him. To be honest, we'd have to max out a credit card to pay that much bail. We live paycheck to paycheck with no savings. So, for us it is not possible to help much. If helping out puts you and the rest of your family in hardship, I think you should take that into serious consideration. Some people have plenty of money and some have very little and beg, borrow or steal to save their grown kids. I am against that. You can only do what you can do.</p><p></p><p>Your son is very complicated and I feel for your hurting heart. There is no reason to do anything right this minute. You can think about it more before doing anything. Hugs!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651613, member: 1550"] This is tough, but I'll give you my thoughts and you can use them or toss them out if they aren't helpful. First of all, you know your son best. Does he lie? Ponder that. If he does lie, he may have assaulted the man. On the other hand if he is truly schizoaffective, with the hallucinations and all (you know if you believe this diagnose or not...they get so many diagnoses)...then maybe he doesn't even know what happened. Is he compliant with medications? Drug abusing? Sooooo much to think about. If my grown kid had hallucinations...honest and true breaks with reality...I would treat it differently than if he did not, but just had a mood disorder. There is a difference. I have a serious mood disorder, but no hallucinations so I know fantasy from reality. A hallucination seems real to the person. If your son is really that mentally ill that he can't tell fantasy from reality, I may call the PD to ask that he get mental health services rather than jail time...or both, since, sadly, in our country the jails are now often our mental health hospitals. (Very scary show on this on television recently). But if he can get the right medications, that would be good. Meanwhile he'll have his meals and be getting better. Is it really better for him to be out on the streets in his frame of mind? Is it due to his mental illness, which he can't control, or just plain unwillingness to get help, to stop using drugs, or to get a job. I make a distinction between true mental illness that can not be controlled and our Difficult Child who are plain defiant, maybe depressed or even bipolar, but I do not make exceptions unless the adult child hallucinates and has a poor sense of what reality is. So your son would be difficult for me to figure out, unlike my own kids were. I would need to figure out if he was in this world or living in another one. That's how I would make my decision. If I thought my adult child were "insane" I would do what I could, knowing that it's not much. If he was just acting like a victim and refusing any help, then I would keep refusing to enable him. I would talk to him on the phone, but no money. The last consideration I think that should always be a matter of importance is if you can afford to help him. To be honest, we'd have to max out a credit card to pay that much bail. We live paycheck to paycheck with no savings. So, for us it is not possible to help much. If helping out puts you and the rest of your family in hardship, I think you should take that into serious consideration. Some people have plenty of money and some have very little and beg, borrow or steal to save their grown kids. I am against that. You can only do what you can do. Your son is very complicated and I feel for your hurting heart. There is no reason to do anything right this minute. You can think about it more before doing anything. Hugs!!! [/QUOTE]
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Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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