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Parent Emeritus
Need some support and guidance, and prayers...
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 725050" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hoping, feel free to send me a private message if you or your fiancee would like to communicate directly. Our kids are almost the same ages. Our oldest is 17.5 and youngest is also 15. We also have issues with the boys' father which may or may not be similar to your situation.</p><p></p><p>For years my wife and I assumed our younger son was essentially OK, and it was our oldest who needed help and support, therapy, medication, a 504 plan at school, etc. It turned out that we were very, very wrong to ignore the younger child. He was the one who wrote a suicide note and swallowed 50 beta blockers, causing a cardiac arrest and lifetime disability this fall, not his older brother. We had no idea that he was so unhappy and so desperate. He presented as a happy, fun-loving, energetic and gregarious kid. </p><p></p><p>He was clinically dead for a time, and he is permanently disabled now, although obviously we are beyond grateful that he survived. It looked very, very dark for several weeks. We are extremely lucky.</p><p></p><p>I say all of this to urge you not to overlook your younger, "normal" child. He is being affected by everything happening in the home. In our case, the oldest son has abused the younger child. There are many details we still don't know, and we may never know, but we do know that psychological and physical abuse occurred and may yet be occurring. </p><p></p><p>The quiet, compliant, obedient children need help as much as those who act out or otherwise display concerning traits. We learned the hard way. I would hate for any family to have to endure what mine has been through this year. So I urge you, if you are not already doing so, to make sure your youngest has an outlet that is all his own, time apart from his brother, his own identity and time with you and your fiancee. In my case, I was younger son's confidante for quite a while. I wouldn't be surprised if your fiancee fills a similar role in your youngest's world. </p><p></p><p>I encourage you to allow them this special relationship, and allow her to protect him if she can, to the extent that she is willing and you are comfortable. He is more vulnerable than you may realize. </p><p></p><p>Best to you and please keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 725050, member: 13303"] Hoping, feel free to send me a private message if you or your fiancee would like to communicate directly. Our kids are almost the same ages. Our oldest is 17.5 and youngest is also 15. We also have issues with the boys' father which may or may not be similar to your situation. For years my wife and I assumed our younger son was essentially OK, and it was our oldest who needed help and support, therapy, medication, a 504 plan at school, etc. It turned out that we were very, very wrong to ignore the younger child. He was the one who wrote a suicide note and swallowed 50 beta blockers, causing a cardiac arrest and lifetime disability this fall, not his older brother. We had no idea that he was so unhappy and so desperate. He presented as a happy, fun-loving, energetic and gregarious kid. He was clinically dead for a time, and he is permanently disabled now, although obviously we are beyond grateful that he survived. It looked very, very dark for several weeks. We are extremely lucky. I say all of this to urge you not to overlook your younger, "normal" child. He is being affected by everything happening in the home. In our case, the oldest son has abused the younger child. There are many details we still don't know, and we may never know, but we do know that psychological and physical abuse occurred and may yet be occurring. The quiet, compliant, obedient children need help as much as those who act out or otherwise display concerning traits. We learned the hard way. I would hate for any family to have to endure what mine has been through this year. So I urge you, if you are not already doing so, to make sure your youngest has an outlet that is all his own, time apart from his brother, his own identity and time with you and your fiancee. In my case, I was younger son's confidante for quite a while. I wouldn't be surprised if your fiancee fills a similar role in your youngest's world. I encourage you to allow them this special relationship, and allow her to protect him if she can, to the extent that she is willing and you are comfortable. He is more vulnerable than you may realize. Best to you and please keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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