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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707292" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son is now 28. He is my only child. I have had the same push and pull relationship you describe. My son has been hospitalized many times; he has been suicidal and says he has made serious attempts. He has been explosive.</p><p></p><p>He is on SSI and relies on this to support himself. He is resistant to working at a job but will work for us without pay. He requires constant prodding and monitoring or he will slack off. I bought a home for him to live, and he has been there off and on. Now he is there, paying me rent.</p><p></p><p>My son would be as dependent as I allow. I went through years where I did not help him at all. He got worse. For the last almost one year we have had him closer, but we have put near constant demands. Most stringently (and unsuccessfully) about his marijuana use. He wins. But we make it hard on him. Twice he has been to residential treatment this year and this time had to leave after 10 days because of insurance issues. He was motivated.</p><p></p><p>I want to tell you that my son is improving. He is more loving. He is more responsible (barely). He is somebody I want to be around. Now. But there is still a long way to go.</p><p></p><p>My bottom line is so low...(so grateful to be loved; so grateful to spend time with him that is not rancorous) that I fear that I am hurting him by not demanding more. And I have vowed to do so.</p><p></p><p>These kids, when we lay off, when we help them--view this as consent to their living this way. It puts us in into a really hard place, having to be hard-nosed, when we want to love and support them. But this is the only way that works, my experience has taught me.</p><p></p><p>I want to comment on your situation specifically. I would not tolerate the drug use; particularly if it is anything other than marijuana (which I hate with a passion.)</p><p></p><p>You cannot enable a drug addict. It is as if to say,<em> OK, son. I approve.</em> This can kill him down the line, let alone rob him of motivation, direction, health, self-esteem. I believe he should have the choice right now today, of going into detox/residential treatment or leaving the house.</p><p></p><p>Of course you cannot handle this horrible situation. It is intolerable for you, watching your child self-destruct. I agree with the others. A very strong line must be drawn. Yes. You can support him. If and when he is clean and has learned to moderate his behavior. (I would call 911 every single time he makes or infers suicide.)</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you find yourself in this horrible circumstance. There is hope. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707292, member: 18958"] My son is now 28. He is my only child. I have had the same push and pull relationship you describe. My son has been hospitalized many times; he has been suicidal and says he has made serious attempts. He has been explosive. He is on SSI and relies on this to support himself. He is resistant to working at a job but will work for us without pay. He requires constant prodding and monitoring or he will slack off. I bought a home for him to live, and he has been there off and on. Now he is there, paying me rent. My son would be as dependent as I allow. I went through years where I did not help him at all. He got worse. For the last almost one year we have had him closer, but we have put near constant demands. Most stringently (and unsuccessfully) about his marijuana use. He wins. But we make it hard on him. Twice he has been to residential treatment this year and this time had to leave after 10 days because of insurance issues. He was motivated. I want to tell you that my son is improving. He is more loving. He is more responsible (barely). He is somebody I want to be around. Now. But there is still a long way to go. My bottom line is so low...(so grateful to be loved; so grateful to spend time with him that is not rancorous) that I fear that I am hurting him by not demanding more. And I have vowed to do so. These kids, when we lay off, when we help them--view this as consent to their living this way. It puts us in into a really hard place, having to be hard-nosed, when we want to love and support them. But this is the only way that works, my experience has taught me. I want to comment on your situation specifically. I would not tolerate the drug use; particularly if it is anything other than marijuana (which I hate with a passion.) You cannot enable a drug addict. It is as if to say,[I] OK, son. I approve.[/I] This can kill him down the line, let alone rob him of motivation, direction, health, self-esteem. I believe he should have the choice right now today, of going into detox/residential treatment or leaving the house. Of course you cannot handle this horrible situation. It is intolerable for you, watching your child self-destruct. I agree with the others. A very strong line must be drawn. Yes. You can support him. If and when he is clean and has learned to moderate his behavior. (I would call 911 every single time he makes or infers suicide.) I am sorry you find yourself in this horrible circumstance. There is hope. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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