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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627854" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>MWM, thank you for sharing that. I know I have read parts of that story on other threads that you have written, but I didn't realize it has been six years.</p><p></p><p>Cutting off contact is a last frontier, and I do see, today, that it is something that people do when there is no other choice. I have come a long way to see that, and I hope and pray I never get to that point with difficult child. The thought of that is still something that can instantly bring tears to my eyes----today there are fewer and fewer thoughts that do that. </p><p></p><p>I remember the first time I heard a mother say she has no contact with her son for a long period of time. It was in an Al-Anon meeting, and this woman, who has been through it all and back, sat there and said that. She said she had cut off the contact. I remember then, immediately deciding that she must be a very different person than me....and yes, here it comes....because I would NEVER do that. As I posted yesterday on another thread, I have learned the very hard way never to say never, because I will find myself doing exactly that thing which I never wanted to do. In time. </p><p></p><p>I wasn't horrified,yesterday, because I have slowly come to entertain that option---no contact---in the past few years. I was shocked/surprised/floored by the length of time. I actively resist the notion, even as I see it as a decision that many make, and that someday even I will make. I can see how far I have come because yesterday, instead of immediately separating myself from this mother, I admired her for her courage and her journey and the tremendous decision that she made, and even not knowing the details at all, and not needing to, understanding the hell she has lived through with her son. </p><p></p><p>My fiber and my cells and my DNA resist cutting off contact today. You have seen me for the past six months reduce my time with my difficult child to 10 minutes a week. Before I found this forum, I had reduced it and reduced it and reduced it as my own consideration for myself has grown. As I post now, I think as much of myself today as I do him, and that is a fairly new discovery with me. I always felt I could set myself aside for my children, and I did. I was strong enough, you see. I could handle it, so I told myself. </p><p></p><p>(I am sobbing right now---obviously this is a huge source of grief still for me). </p><p></p><p>I don't want to have no contact with my son. I so don't want that.</p><p></p><p>That is why I still have to make decisions about visits and postcards to jail. I love my son. I want him in my life. I don't know how to have a relationship with an active addict but underneath all of that, he is still my son and I do love him. I do wish and pray for the best for him. I pray for miracles for him every day. </p><p></p><p>Crying is good. It is healing. It lets me know I am human and it recognizes my pain. Thanks MWM, for your honesty, your strength, your common sense, your persistence to find yourself in the midst of all of the insanity you have lived through. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs for you and for me today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627854, member: 17542"] MWM, thank you for sharing that. I know I have read parts of that story on other threads that you have written, but I didn't realize it has been six years. Cutting off contact is a last frontier, and I do see, today, that it is something that people do when there is no other choice. I have come a long way to see that, and I hope and pray I never get to that point with difficult child. The thought of that is still something that can instantly bring tears to my eyes----today there are fewer and fewer thoughts that do that. I remember the first time I heard a mother say she has no contact with her son for a long period of time. It was in an Al-Anon meeting, and this woman, who has been through it all and back, sat there and said that. She said she had cut off the contact. I remember then, immediately deciding that she must be a very different person than me....and yes, here it comes....because I would NEVER do that. As I posted yesterday on another thread, I have learned the very hard way never to say never, because I will find myself doing exactly that thing which I never wanted to do. In time. I wasn't horrified,yesterday, because I have slowly come to entertain that option---no contact---in the past few years. I was shocked/surprised/floored by the length of time. I actively resist the notion, even as I see it as a decision that many make, and that someday even I will make. I can see how far I have come because yesterday, instead of immediately separating myself from this mother, I admired her for her courage and her journey and the tremendous decision that she made, and even not knowing the details at all, and not needing to, understanding the hell she has lived through with her son. My fiber and my cells and my DNA resist cutting off contact today. You have seen me for the past six months reduce my time with my difficult child to 10 minutes a week. Before I found this forum, I had reduced it and reduced it and reduced it as my own consideration for myself has grown. As I post now, I think as much of myself today as I do him, and that is a fairly new discovery with me. I always felt I could set myself aside for my children, and I did. I was strong enough, you see. I could handle it, so I told myself. (I am sobbing right now---obviously this is a huge source of grief still for me). I don't want to have no contact with my son. I so don't want that. That is why I still have to make decisions about visits and postcards to jail. I love my son. I want him in my life. I don't know how to have a relationship with an active addict but underneath all of that, he is still my son and I do love him. I do wish and pray for the best for him. I pray for miracles for him every day. Crying is good. It is healing. It lets me know I am human and it recognizes my pain. Thanks MWM, for your honesty, your strength, your common sense, your persistence to find yourself in the midst of all of the insanity you have lived through. Big hugs for you and for me today. [/QUOTE]
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