Need to hear something positive.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ShanDiann, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. ShanDiann

    ShanDiann Guest

    I am feeling a bit beat down. difficult child has had a rough start to 2nd grade. Met with the teacher yesterday to see if she has noticed a change since we upped his Focalin to 15mg. She had an entire typed list of everything he has ever done wrong. Some of it legitimate and some typical 7 year old stuff ( Talking in line, etc...). Never during the meeting did she say 1 positive thing about him. I can think of many. He is reading on a 3rd grade level, he tries his best, when not raging he is very polite. I just feel like she sees him as a problem to be handled, and really could care less about him. She thinks it is purely manipulative behavior and he has complete control over it. This week has been a good week, but still no positive contact. Do I address this or just let it go?

    We finally have an appointment with the psychiatric clinic. I'm very nervous about this. Hoping to learn some new strategies and get documentation for a 504. I was told he is not eligible for an IEP because there are no learning difficulties.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That is not true. If he has tested and documented behavioral issues that interfere with his learning, he can have an IEP. My difficult child has had one for 3 years now strictly for behavior. Ours is not a 504, It is an IEP. Request in writing that they do an FBA, a Functional Behavioral Assessment (or Analysis). Keep a copy for yourself and send your request by certified mail with "return receipt requested". It is federal law that they test him when you request it. I keep detailed notes of all phone calls and meetings about my difficult child as well as printing and keeping copies of ALL emails, notes, and reports sent to you. Keep after them. Good Luck.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. I'm so sorry, ShanDianne. difficult child had a math teacher like that last yr. We called her Mrs. Grumpy Gills. (Nemo)
    I'm with-TeDo on the testing. Go for it.
    It won't change the teacher's attitude but it will force her to address your son's issues as medical rather than deliberate ... at least, professionally. She'll still act as though he owes her a living. Or something.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    it's not easy, none of it is. but you sound like a really good advocate for your child and you will fight till you get what you need in place. my school didn't give me an iep either, but i have a 504 with-all the accomodations she needed.

    good luck. ((hugs))
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    In the meantime...... Choose a few items that you believe your difficult child should be working on that are attainable at the moment (such as "walk to the line", "raise your hand when you have something to say", "be respectful to teachers and other students"). Make a short check off list and ask the teacher to grade it each day.

    My difficult child's teacher would put "-" if he did not meet the standards of the item, "check mark" if it was satifactory, and "+" if he did excellent (she should be able to tell if it was a struggle to maintain control - if he choose the better behavior over a past unacceptable behavior - the "+" means extra effort was given to do so).

    Maybe she will start seeing the good behavior and balance it with the not so good.

    difficult child's teacher also told me EVERYTHING which for a very long time (most of the year) was horrid. She hated to and would say, "Andy, I don't like to always be telling you the bad stuff but the other teachers feel it is important that you know everything." Which it was even though I cried alot that year and wondered if my son would ever gain control. However, she also ALWAYS made me feel that she believed in both difficult child and myself to work through this. She watched him grow up and knew this behavior was not who he truly was. She was the best teacher he could have had that year - so patient!

    So, though it is important for you to keep your eye on all the behaviors, good and bad, it does sound like your difficult child's teacher needs to start balancing her concerns with good stuff to uplift both you and difficult child.

    My difficult child's teacher had a list of things difficult child was working on (showing respect, ect - I don't remember what all was on it) and she went over it with difficult child every day after school. Together they would decide how he did in each area. It gave him the knowledge of one more person on his side helping him through this. The kids don't like their behaviors any more than we do and when those around are able to uplift them and encourage them, the outcome is much nicer - still hard but kids feel they can overcome some of the things they are going through.