need to take some opinionsPoll on children bathing

ShakespeareMamaX

New Member
LOL Well, thanks so much, everybody! I guess that's a unanimous vote, then! I appreciate your honesty and bluntness and will use this as a reference (anonymously, of course).

P.S. Does anyone know the standard on children of the opposite sex sharing a room together?
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
I'm sure there is no standard and it all depends on your financial situation. If you can separate them, then do so. I'm sure an 8 year old has toys and things that a 2 year old shouldn't be playing with.

I know you are saying that you are using this anonymously, but are you questioning these things for yourself or because biodad is allowing these situations?
 

ShakespeareMamaX

New Member
Well....geez....I kinda don't want to be shot down... My husband and I were butting heads because I thought the bathing thing was OK as long as the children were comfortable (privacy wise) and ya know...appropriate. The truth is, my son begs to take baths with my daughter and I always fight to say "no, you're big enough to take a shower" which works 99% of the time. But, then, there are the times where, if I get them both home a bit late and they both need to wash up, it's so much quicker to toss them (not literally, of course) in the tub together, soap em up (well, the baby), rinse em off and boot 'em out. I would hate for people to think I'm horribly deranged or, god forbid, sexually...messed up, or something. I've done a lot of research and read about people in different countries who share baths on a regular basis... Then, there are the people who pointed out to look at it from a child's point of view. Of course, it would never be seen as a sexual act (that's the paranoia I have that others may think of it). If anything, I have my son as the helper. He sits on one end of the tub, blocking the faucet so the baby doesn't bang her head, and he gets to style her hair with the soap.

I dunno... I mean...I guess I wanted "real" people to give me their opinions, directly. And I guess I got 'em... Well, I know what I'm doing from now on... I hope this doesn't destroy how I come across on here.

I guess the world has different beliefs, and the US is winning this one. Heh...
 
I did a google search on that. There is no concrete law, like you will go to jail, but there are regulations, especially pertaining to DCFS and foster care. Most say between 5 and 7. I was under the impression that there was a rule about opposite gendered children sharing a room have to be blood relatives, by DCFS standards, but I did not find that in my search.
 

nvts

Active Member
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ShakespeareMamaX</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

I dunno... I mean...I guess I wanted "real" people to give me their opinions, directly. And I guess I got 'em... Well, I know what I'm doing from now on... I hope this doesn't destroy how I come across on here.
</div></div>

Hi! Listen: there are enough people out there judging everyone else, I don't think anyone is going to allow a simple question to "destroy how you come across on here"!

A question is a question. Don't ever <u>not</u> ask a question of the extremely experienced people on this board because you're worried about how you come across. This group is way better than that! I know I'd be lost without them!

Later!
Beth
 

ShakespeareMamaX

New Member
...yep... Stopping, now.

That's the last thing I need is their involvement.

Mind you, the rooming question was just curiousity. After finding my son IN my daughter's crib (sneaked into her room when noone was looking) I was thankful they didn't share the same room. I actually had to put a latch on the door to keep him out of there, now, when the room's not in use.

*sigh* Where's the "Proper Way to Live Manual" when you need it?
 

ShakespeareMamaX

New Member
P.S. Thanks, Nvts, for the encouragement. It is kind of a touchy subject, though. I can't help feeling like everyone would kinda look down on me.

It's moments like this I sort of just feel like a "stupid kid", ya know? I mean...most of the time, I don't...but...well, I appreciate all the wise one's advice. Thanks.
 

meowbunny

New Member
Well, I was a naysayer and I wasn't looking down at you and I doubt many, if any, here were. It's not an unreasonable thing to do, it's just not the norm in the US. Different cultures have different mores. Some think nothing of women going topless. Some think nothing of letting little ones run around with bare bottoms until about age 5. Some have entire households sleeping in one room.

I remember a dear friend from Afghanistan being arrested and having his children placed in foster care because he rubbed his daughter's genetilia when she was upset. This was a standard act to comfort a young girl in his culture (it was never done to a girl over the age of 4). There was no molestation in his mind. No one in his family considered it a sexual act. It was just a way to sooth a child. It took 3 years for him to get his children back. No one who knew him condemned him. Many of us testified for him.

The point of my story is just to let you know that what is acceptable in one country is most certainly not acceptable in another. However, in in my opinion it is wrong to judge someone simply because your rules are not my rules. For your other questions, you might want to call social services anonymously and ask what the guidelines are on these issues in your issue.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
I don't think any less of you. Don't see why I should. I mean, you were open minded to ask others opinions. Alot of people wouldn't even consider doing that.

hugs
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
Back when I was well acquianted with the welfare system in NY, age 10 was the cutoff for a boy and girl to share a room. That was around 1991 I believe. I don't think there is a legal statute on that, but I think it would make sense for them to have separate rooms by at age 10. I mean, some girls begin menstruating by then! Yikes.
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
I think if you were renting an place they would mandate you get a 3 bedroom if you have a boy & a girl. I think the 8 year old will want his space within a couple years anyway.

The only way I would bathe them together is with bathing suits. That way they could still play in water together.
 

Abbey

Spork Queen
I don't really see any judging...just opinions. Heck, when I was a kid our family of 5 all took a bath in the same water. :smile: We went oldest to youngest. Unfortunately, I was the youngest. :wink: And, the 'family bath' only happened once a week. The remainder of the week was a sponge bath.

You are correct, though, in that other cultures may not look at this issue the same way.

Abbey
 

envisablepuppet

New Member
I know I'm a little late chimimg in here but...

Another vote for no. If the school found out or someone that thought it was wrong it could cause major problems. Even without that as a possible outcome I still don't think it is a good idea. It's the ages that bother me the most I think. I just don't think it's a good idea.

As for the sharing of a room. There is a cut off age for that here but I don't know for sure what it is. I have heard of ppl almost losing their children over it and I think the children involved were still in grade school. It was a long time ago so I don't remember the exact facts. I do know many ppl that have had to build on to their homes because of this issue.

As for thinking badly of you for asking this question? NEVER :laugh:

Lea
 

Abbey

Spork Queen
My, my...how times change. I shared a bedroom with my older brother and sister until I was 14. The only reason it ended was because they moved out after graduation. We were not a family of money (at least I thought so until I became an adult and found out they just squirreled it away for THEIR retirement...the NERVE!), so we just did what you had to do to live on a tight budget. There were no morality questions, no CPS, etc.

It's sad that the most common things within a family trying to survive have become taboo.

by the way - we had the BEST pillow fights!! :rofl:

Abbey
 

On_Call

New Member
Oh my gosh, I definitely was not judging when I answered.

Abbey,

My mom and aunts talk about the weekly family bath, too. She was the oldest, but in their family, the baby got the cleanest, warmest water, so she didn't make out very well, either!!
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
My kids are 5 yrs apart, and THEY were the ones who decided when they'd quit bathing together. I didn't have to make any decision.
When we were approaching that "what if" stage, mostly I worried about the mess in the bathroom, because what started out as gentle play with-bath toys usually ended up as WWIII and a typhoon combined, LOL!
 

witzend

Well-Known Member
I would say that it depends upon the circumstances, and only under Mommy's watchful eye. Probably not as a regular thing.
 
F

flutterbee

Guest
My children shared a room until the ages of 8 and 4 out of necessity. easy child needed more space, but other than that I had no second thoughts about them sharing a room.
 
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