Mom2oddson
Active Member
There is no way there can be a person out in the world more selfish, self-centered, more ME ME ME, than my Grandma!!
You know how a difficult child can get fixated on something and won't let it go?? Grandma is the QUEEN of that!
And my poor Mom is aging FAST! She's learning to set boundaries but she's still at the teeny-tiny first baby step stage. It takes a while to break 71 years of training. And Grandma has Mom trained! My Mom has been taught that her Mother's happiness is her responsibility. Trying to redirect training that has been set for that long is hard! But Mom is working on it.
Anyways, Grandma will not leave Mom alone about wanting to go out gambling. So, husband and I are going to her and my sister out on Sunday. This will give my parents time alone. And my Mom has been told by me that there is a condition with us taking Grandma out. She MUST spend the time relaxing with Dad and NOT clean house or anything else! We'll see how well that goes.
The thing that gets to me is Grandma isn't happy just getting to go out with us. She is rubbing Grandpa's nose in it. The guy is stuck in the nursing home and she has to be a
with a B! Unfortunately, in order to take both of them anywhere together, you have to take two cars and have two people for each of them to help them. In other words, it's a whole family affair.
Then husband made the mistake of saying "well, we'll take Grandpa out on his own one weekend." That explosion sound you heard from the Pacific Northwest yesterday was Grandma! Now my Mom has a grumpy, angry, snippity, jealous lady to deal with.
It's already bad enough with the passive-agressive games Grandma is currently playing. And she's still in just the low level games. We've seen her ramped up and she's no where that bad yet. Mom is so afraid of Grandma ramping up that she is having trouble setting those boundaries. And when she does, she feels guilty about making her Mother's end days miserable.
Dad works from home 3 days a week. No matter how many times Mom tells Grandma that Dad is working, you need to leave him alone, Grandma won't. And the more Mom says something, the more Grandma acts up.
The tension is getting so bad in the house that their dog is now acting up! Buck was on death row, 24 hours away from being put down when my folks got him. He's a beautiful yellow lab...with extreme seperation anxiety. He was actually starting to do good with it when Grandma came into the house. In the last couple of weeks, the poor dog is back to step one.
I'm just glad that the difficult children taught me how to NOT take guilt. Otherwise, I'd be buried in guilt for not spending every day over there helping Mom. I do go over every Sunday. And I am my Mom's venting post during the week. It's not a lot, but I don't think I could deal with Grandma 24/7. 5-6 hours on a Sunday is enough to wear me out for the week. In those few hours, Grandma will let me know 100 times in 100 different ways that I'm not being a good grand-daughter because I am not taking care of her every little whim. After 6 hours, my rhino skin starts getting thin spots. It takes a week to get it repaired for the next visit.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know it was long. And if you got this far...Wow, you are a trooper!
You know how a difficult child can get fixated on something and won't let it go?? Grandma is the QUEEN of that!
And my poor Mom is aging FAST! She's learning to set boundaries but she's still at the teeny-tiny first baby step stage. It takes a while to break 71 years of training. And Grandma has Mom trained! My Mom has been taught that her Mother's happiness is her responsibility. Trying to redirect training that has been set for that long is hard! But Mom is working on it.
Anyways, Grandma will not leave Mom alone about wanting to go out gambling. So, husband and I are going to her and my sister out on Sunday. This will give my parents time alone. And my Mom has been told by me that there is a condition with us taking Grandma out. She MUST spend the time relaxing with Dad and NOT clean house or anything else! We'll see how well that goes.
The thing that gets to me is Grandma isn't happy just getting to go out with us. She is rubbing Grandpa's nose in it. The guy is stuck in the nursing home and she has to be a
with a B! Unfortunately, in order to take both of them anywhere together, you have to take two cars and have two people for each of them to help them. In other words, it's a whole family affair. Then husband made the mistake of saying "well, we'll take Grandpa out on his own one weekend." That explosion sound you heard from the Pacific Northwest yesterday was Grandma! Now my Mom has a grumpy, angry, snippity, jealous lady to deal with.
It's already bad enough with the passive-agressive games Grandma is currently playing. And she's still in just the low level games. We've seen her ramped up and she's no where that bad yet. Mom is so afraid of Grandma ramping up that she is having trouble setting those boundaries. And when she does, she feels guilty about making her Mother's end days miserable.
Dad works from home 3 days a week. No matter how many times Mom tells Grandma that Dad is working, you need to leave him alone, Grandma won't. And the more Mom says something, the more Grandma acts up.
The tension is getting so bad in the house that their dog is now acting up! Buck was on death row, 24 hours away from being put down when my folks got him. He's a beautiful yellow lab...with extreme seperation anxiety. He was actually starting to do good with it when Grandma came into the house. In the last couple of weeks, the poor dog is back to step one.
I'm just glad that the difficult children taught me how to NOT take guilt. Otherwise, I'd be buried in guilt for not spending every day over there helping Mom. I do go over every Sunday. And I am my Mom's venting post during the week. It's not a lot, but I don't think I could deal with Grandma 24/7. 5-6 hours on a Sunday is enough to wear me out for the week. In those few hours, Grandma will let me know 100 times in 100 different ways that I'm not being a good grand-daughter because I am not taking care of her every little whim. After 6 hours, my rhino skin starts getting thin spots. It takes a week to get it repaired for the next visit.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know it was long. And if you got this far...Wow, you are a trooper!
