Need to vent

[Lothlorien]

about easy child. Soccer....I sat there and watched him doing airplanes with his arms and running around backward like nothing else was going on. I watched him stand facing the opposite direction than the ball while the ball whizzed right past him. I really don't care that he's not good at soccer, but he didn't even try. I'm not one of those soccer parents that punish their kid for not getting a goal, but I want to punish him for not even trying! And he didn't try. Not even once, today.

Money is really tight right now and it burns my butt that I could be working rather than standing out in the cold watching him not paying attention whatsoever.

The other thing that's got my blood boiling, right now, is that he wanted soccer pictures so badly. They did the pics around the same time school pics were going on and we really didn't have the money, but he didn't get them the last time when Missy got hers. Out of fairness we got the pics done. The pics were given out today and he looks like he's mad in the pics. He has a puss on his face that makes you think that he hates being there. Why did I waste the money? I can't put this picture up on the wall, he looks miserable. I want to just throw the pictures in the trash.

I'm so annoyed right now.

 

[smallworld]

Loth, does he want to play soccer? Maybe he should sit out the spring season? Some kids just aren't developmentally ready to handle a team sport. My kids have taken off a season or two with no problems getting back into it later on. M even took off two years from soccer and just rejoined a new rec team of girls from her school this fall. She loved it, and her coach said he couldn't even tell she had taken a break. The difference this time was that she was developmentally and emotionally ready to handle being on a soccer team now.

Just a thought . . .

 

[Lothlorien]

He does want to play. He wants to go and when I have to keep him home for whatever reason, he gets upset. I don't think I will sign him up for the spring.

 

[Fran]

I agree about not all kids process that doing the sport that his peers are doing means he has to do something when he gets there. We tried sports but difficult child just didn't get why he had to chase a ball. It seemed silly to him. Looking at it from difficult child's point of view, he is right.
He asked why he would he want to wrestle and have people sweat on him? He doesn't want a trophy and he doesn't get a sense of accomplishment.
Not that your easy child thinks like my difficult child but I wonder if he comprehends that if he is joining a sport it requires him producing something.
Sorry to hear that things are tight. It makes every expense more painful.

 

[smallworld]

My kids didn't want to play, which is why we took them out.

If easy child wants to play, he may need more understanding of what the game is all about, as Fran points out. I always go back to Ross Greene's premise of "kids do well when they can."

How about some one-on-one instruction with Dad or a cool older neighborhood boy?

 

[slsh]

Loth- in my experience, this is so totally normal behavior for a 6-year-old. At least in my family. Wee played basketball in K - that was the last year they let K kids play in our community league, and another mom and I laughed and said it was because of our kids who spent the majority of practices and games rolling around on the floor at the other end of the court (totally mortifying to us parents). T-ball? Kicking up the dust in the outfield and again rolling around on the field. That Peter, Paul & Mary song about picking daisies out in left field? That was Wee. He was perpetually clueless about where the ball was in any sport. The only sport he remotely payed attention to was football, but that was only because he quickly learned that if he didn't clue in, he was going to get tackled.

We won't even discuss thank you and sports at that age.

Diva wasn't as bad as the boys but she still had her moments of being totally disconnected from the sports.

I think it's an evolution in terms of team sports. At first, my kids wanted to be part of a team for the sake of being a part of the team, Know what I mean?? thank you gradually just got so outrageous that it wasn't worth the headache anymore. Wee... he participated until about 4th grade, but he really isn't a sports kind of kid, much less a team kind of kid. He's pretty solitary and happy to be so. I think he only played so long because we really pushed him to be active in some activity. Diva has turned into mega team player - you name it, she's involved.

I think it's good to give them the opportunity to participate just because you never know when something will click, and they need that exposure (in my humble opinion). Discipline, being a good teammate, sportsmanship, etc.

Had to chuckle about the picture - are you sure the photographer didn't tell him to "look tough" or something? The one football picture we have of thank you, he looks like he is angry at the world. I was so unhappy when we got it, until thank you told me that the photographer had told him to look tough, like a football player. Great. It wasn't a look I wanted preserved for posterity.

 

[DDD]

We had a similar situation with the younger grandson. "I play soccer" he would tell people who asked him what he liked to do. He did not "play" soccer
but he was on soccer teams because the Y allows all kids. difficult child could not keep his eyes on the ball or his mind on the game. He disrupted the team because he wanted to "talk to his friends" (teammates) during the games.

I'm still not sure it was worth it but for an AS kid with ADHD it was, I guess,
the best he could do. Sigh! Hugs. DDD

 

[Lothlorien]

I hadn't thought about the photographer telling him that, but no, I don't think he/she did. All the other kids are smiling. This is just typical of him. He gives me a hard time when I want to take pictures. He either smiles weirdly, makes goofy faces (shoulda seen his Kindegarten picture) or has a moody face.

I can't stay mad at the kid. I'm over it now. He knows how to be cute when needed...lol.

I took them to Missy's basketball practice. She did really well for never playing before. She did a great job blocking the tallest girl on the other team, who had her by at least a foot!!! I think she might be better at basketball than soccer.

 

[muttmeister]

I agree that a lot of kids that age are just not ready for team sports. I remember my older difficult child "playing" T-ball; he spent most of his time sitting on the ground in the outfield building castles out of dust. If by some chance the ball did come close to him, he didn't even notice. Younger difficult child was about like that too. A lot of times they "want to play" because their friends are playing but that means they want to go be with them; that doesn't necessarily mean they want to chase the ball, etc. We've made sports into such a big deal in this country that a lot of people (kids and adults) think they are supposed to play and are unhappy if they don't, even if it is really not their thing.
I agree with not having him sign up for the next round; maybe he can find an interest more for his age level that he would really enjoy.

 

[DammitJanet]

Loth...sorry he was acting goofy. Save the pics. I know its tough now but they will be precious in oh...20 years! Im gonna sound like a really old mommy but those pictures I have where the kids dont look perfect are some of the best ones. If nothing else, you can blackmail him later on when he has kids...lol.

 

[gcvmom]

Oh, I truly sympathize with you on this one! difficult child 2 is older, but he does some of the same stuff. His head is rarely in the game. But today, even though his team lost horribly, he did a little bit better, ran a little bit harder, tried to stay focused and an active participant instead of an on-field observer, so I'm hoping this new medication we have him trying is helping with his focus and attention. I know that's not an issue with your son, but he is very young and that behavior is very typical for boys that age!

I asked difficult child 2 if he wanted to stop playing soccer next Fall, and he said no, he wants to continue (!) So apparently his lack of skills does not bother him as much as it bothers me. He's been lucky with his coach being very patient this year -- I think they all realize he has issues and is not a typical kid. So that helps a lot.

But sometimes it is painful to watch him in his own little world while players go thundering past him.

 

[donna723]

I kind of agree that that's pretty normal behavior for a six year old. Most of them don't really get the idea of team sports at that age and remembering what they're supposed to be doing, all the rules, etc. Mine played tee ball and very few of them really "got it" when they were that young. They started them off just running the bases so they'd know which way to go and didn't take off running in the wrong direction. One of the daddies was the pitcher and sometimes he gently tossed the ball so it would bounce off the kids' bats so they could say they hit it! If someone ever did hit the ball hard enough to get it into the outfield, they never caught the ball because they'd get bored out there and they'd be playing in the dirt or watching the birds fly by. They still had fun though.

 

[jal]

I'm sorry, I had to chuckle. Are you sure you don't have my child?

difficult child had a hard time with-tball in K, but last year was much better. He can't wait to move to farm team next year. We sat out soccer last year because the year before was just tough, but we did it this fall. When I got difficult child's soccer pictures his individual was great, but the team one? He looked like someone had just kicked him. The scowl on his face was so evident. He tried, but only half heartedly at times. Every time he would kick the ball he'd fall to the ground. Every time. Every game. He'd be in the goal playing with-the net rather than focusing on the game. It sometimes was hard to watch. He's decided to play indoor soccer for the winter, so we'll see how it goes, but we are NOT doing pictures!

Honestly, I wonder if they are just starting this sports stuff too early at times. They had none of this when I was a kid. The first time I started to play softball I was in 3rd grade.

 

[susiestar]

I have about 5 years worth of pics where Wiz has a horrible mean look on his face. The first few years I was heartbroken. Then I bought the smallest package and then made HIM tell his grandparents why he looked so awful. husband's parents were tough with that. Everytime they brought it up after the first I handed the phone to Wiz. They all learned that I had no control over it and wasn't talking the lumps for it.

At some point they may be funny or good memories. Not there yet. Have razzed him in front of his best friend (a girl but not a girlfriend). She is horrified and has bullied him into not acting like that.

The team behavior is not one I would put up with very often. Jessie did play my little pony with another girl during soccer at age six but they were the only two who made any goals or got the ball away from the other team or even stopped the other team from scoring. Your son was doing what most of her team was doing. Many of them changed because parents were not willing to take them to games, esp in cold weather, if they were not participating.

I hope he can begin to play more appropriately. And that you get some better pics.

 

[Hound dog]

Darrin played soccer. And I can tell you that most of the 5-6 yr olds on the teams (notice the s in there lol) were doing the same.....just not all at the same time. It was rather hillarious at times. But the end of the season it was happening a little less frequently.

Our league handles it by the junior players having to play about half the time of the older kids. Their attention spans are just not that long. I think it works well.

When I coached Travis' team of 8 yr olds..........we still had moments like that. And they still managed to pull it together to win the championship that year.

Some kids take longer to get the team concept and that they are supposed to work together in order to do well.

 

[ML]

Manster did this too. He played soccer when he was 6-8. It was the only time he ever *looked* autisic. He would be down on the soccer field walking around the lines and in a world of his own. He just could not sustain attention and focus. The best play he made was when a ball inadvertently hit him and everyone laughed and he pouted that everyone was laughing at him.

Then in the baseball outfield and balls flying right by him as he was distracted by something. I think many kids outgrow this. I would be happy if he wanted to participate in ANY sport. As it is, we have to force him to learn to ride horses.

Hugs of support,

 

[skeeter]

one of our fields is next to train track - try keeping all those 6 year olds "on" the game when a train goes by!!

If he really does want to play, just continue for this year, especially if this is his first year out of lollipop. Next year, if the distractedness continues (and he still really wants to play), do some videotapping of him. He may really not realize what he's doing on the field. I know this was my older son - he didn't realize he was so antsy. He also needed a bit of maturity to realize he was NOT good forward material, but did best in the secondary. He made a wonderful guard.

Also expose him to watching the game. It's hard to find soccer to watch live in some areas, so look at hockey instead - same basic principles.

 

[DammitJanet]

I was a sports nut mom. My boys played everything including one season of soccer but that wasnt really popular here at the time they were little. When it became popular it interfered with their other sports so they played what they were already into.

What helped us the most was really good coaches. I think we got some of the best around. In fact, Tony and I coached Cory's touch football team one year so we knew he would have a good year. I think we got all the difficult child's..lol. It was a blast. One year, Cory's base ball coach was the police chief. LOL. How ironic is that. Cory adored the man. They could get him to do anything. Yeah he would be out in the field picking daisies or running around acting nuts but they could pull him in and manage him by giving him jobs. He picked up more balls and handed out more bats to kids because they knew if they kept him busy he would stay focused. I think they also called his name more than anyone elses. Even from the stands parents called his name...lol. We just kept him focused! Same with Jamie. When they were with it...they played well.

Even now, I see their old coaches and they ask me about the boys. Small town.

 

[svengandhi]

If you just want the experience of doing sports without the pressure to succeed, how about looking into a special needs sports team? I am sure that most of the teams would be happy to have a easy child.

After 5 kids, I have to say that I think kids start sports way too young. My daughter began soccer at age 5 and quit at 6, she hated softball, basketball, lacrosse, etc. It wasn't until HS that she tried sports again (field hockey goalie for 3 years).

My oldest boy loved baseball. At your son's age, my son was in the outfield lying on his back, looking up at the clouds and making grass angels with his arms and legs. I switched him from a "future Major Leaguer" league to what I call the "spas" league and he was happy there till 7th grade. Eventually, he played standing up and while he was never too good, he enjoyed those times of his life.

When he tried soccer, he ran away from the ball (turned out Grandma had told him not to get his face smashed in by the ball!) and in basketball, he used to grab the ball and throw it, but his aim stank so it always went out of bounds!

We made it clear to him that we loved him regardless and he was in sports to have fun. As long as he was having fun, it was cool. When fun stopped, so did sports. It was the same for his brothers but only #3 actually played any sports. Now that he's an 8th grader, his major claims to fame are the broken bones he's accumulated during sports.

Don't sweat it - I used to order only the team picture to save money.

 

[Star*]

Loth,

I'm sending you hugs...HUGE ones. Dude was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s more than he was in school and the precious few pictures I do have of him in school photos? He did his own thing. Even to the point of wearing the shirt I asked him to wear for school photos and taking the t shirt HE wanted to wear and changing at school, mussing up his hair and literally growling in the picture. For the retake which I begged for - he did the exact same thing about the clothes, but smirked. Smack the smirk became a new private Mom thought.

Even in 1st grade - he's the short little kid in front who refused to take off the leather biker jacket because his Dad got him that jacket and he would "WO*(U)#($*# you up" if you made him take it off. So they put him in the front row with the girls, he crossed his arms, furled his bushy little eye brows and they snapped the shot. I'm sure everyones Mother was so happy to see "smiling" boy on the end - for the rest of their lives in their homes for the next 12 years.

I know 2 things...1. Dude hated sports. His biodad told him sports were for sissies. Great job bioslob. 2. You can call the photographer and set up retakes. Most times they will do it at no charge if you are unhappy and state such about the pictures. I have about 3 years of school pictures a 2 of them were horrid so I called the studios and told them. They offered to do them for free. The retakes were not much better - but that wasn't their fault - Dude was a jerk. Twice - thanks....Dude.

Just thought I'd throw it out there for consideration unless you wanted to use Janets blackmail idea. I personally have a picture of Dude holding up a ballroom dress of my Moms that I'm going to use. Sapphire blue with rhinestones. He's forgotten - I also asked DF to hold it up too. One copy will go to HIS Mom as well if HE ever gets out of line - beard and all. Or maybe his club brothers? (insert evil laugh)