Need your advice

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by everywoman, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Okay, I have to start with the fact that I have never been one of "those" moms. I have always made my children suffer the consequences of their choices. I am their biggest advocate and cheerleader, but I have tried to raise them to be strong and independent as possible.

    I got a letter from Jana today. Actually I got six. They were dated from the 31st to the 7th. Most were okay, a little down, but she sounded strong.

    The one dated the 6th really worries me.
    She stated that everyone believes that she is faking her injuries. Even the ds. She said they told her that they had to have proof on Monday (8th) or they were making her start training. The physical trainer has told her one thing. The dr. has told her nothing. The physical therapist took her crutches on Monday and told her to get back to training (that was told in a 1 min. phone call on Monday.) She told me she was having bad thoughts. She asked me to call the state legislator and see if she could help. She is depressed and worried that she will do further damage and be damaged permanently. I don't know how much of the injury information is true, what she thought others said, what is fear??????

    I found a # for the Battalion chaplain. Should I call? I don't want to be one of "those" moms---but I feel so helpless.:sad-very:
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    HI EW,

    I am not sure about Army rules and such but it seems to me that this is the life she wanted. Along with wanting the life - she gets the pits too. There is another option - tell her to drop out and take the medical discharge.

    She has choices albeit none seem very lucrative. Stay in, walk on the ankle maybe it gets better, maybe it doesn't. Drop out on a medical, do something different.

    I guess my thoughts are that if she wanted to be in the Army, that (I think) encompasses all aspects of Army life including combat. IF she were in combat say - and had sprained her ankle like this and she HAD to move or lets say had to carry someone else out of danger. Could she do that? I'm thinking no. And if (I say if becuase I have no clue) this is how she is with a sprained ankle and I was her partner could I depend on her to overlook the pain and get me and her to safety.

    I dont' even know if there are women in combat - but understand - I didn't want her to go in the first place. And I know the want of it all - I was going to be a Marine. I wanted it so badly, I was running 5 miles a day, benching 250 lbs, in martial arts....and ballet....and I was SURE it was going to be my calling. I was physically fit enough for bootcamp and mentally I thought ready enough to sign up at 15. WHen my Dad found out WHOLEY MOLEY - and of course being 15 and LYING to the Marine recruiter my paperwork just disappeared. Now I see pictures and video of the kids in there and I think - Was I ever tough enough to take care of myself and others? Yeah - I think at that time I was.

    I wish J's paperwork could just disappear. In the Army too, you DO what you are TOLD. If the doctor released her - she needs to go back and try or get out. If he hasn't come there to check on her I'd tell her to find out WHY and request he check her out and release her.

    I'm sending you a huge batch of hugs - I wish I had better advice, but I'd call the Chaplain. If for no other reason - to get a perspective that IS Army. And peace of mind that he could go and talk to J. Find out where her heart is.

    I don't think you're the first Mom to call, I know you won't be the last.

  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'd call the chaplain. She is depressed. She could use a little on-site support.

    She may be still injured or she may be afraid of being injured again or further or both. But, it sounds like she could use someone face to face to talk to.

    I'm sorry you're having to hear this from your child who you aren't able to comfort right now. It's so hard and frustrating and you do feel helpless.

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Chaplain for depression. As far as injury and to what extent- whether or not the dr goes into detail with her (and I think he/she would tell her something) they HAVE to write something down either releasing her to go back to duty or stating that she cannot do her duty- than they also have to clarify if that means permanently. It is basicly up to the dr at this point. But, even from basic training, I think if she is permanently injured that she would receive a medical discharge and be eligible for veteran's disability (although that might not be much these days). I wouldn't call a legislator for this, at least not with this amount of information. JMHO.
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    No. From basic training or AIT she would be medically "chaptered" as unfit for military duty.

    She would not receive any type of veteran's benefits unless things have changed drastically in the past twenty years.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    GoingNorth- isn't that what takes place if they show up for boot camp and they can't physically do it? If they could physically do it, but then half-way thru boot camp, got a broken ankle from doing what they were told and the broken ankle leaves them permanently unable to do it, isn't that the same as getting injured after boot camp?
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ok. My experience........Mom, worse thing you could do. And I wouldn't unless you were absolutely certain that her depression is severe enough that she would do something drastic. Because if you do, and it's not, and she's just using you as her sounding board...........OMG her Sgts and such will make her life H*ll.

    If they're telling her to go back to training, odds are they have good reason. If she gets hurt, they have to cover her medically. And they'll pull her back off duty. If she gets hurt enough she can no longer be on duty, they handle it.

    I know you only want to help. But husband spent 14 yrs Army. They don't appreciate meddling parents. And that's how they'd look at it. They also don't like Army wives who speak their minds either, but that's a whole other ball of wax. (which is why husband stopped at 14 yrs)

    You raised her to be strong. You raised her to be independent and to think for herself. The Army is going to reinforce all of that tenfold. If she has problems she needs to go to her CO. She needs to handle it.

    This is her dream. I think she'll resent you for getting involved in the long run, if not in the short.

    Just my 02 cents.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My two cents...DO NOT CALL ANYONE!!!!

    If you step in and call, it will fall back on her and make it ten times worse for her. Trust me on this one. Oh all the books and pamplets you get say you can call so and so but that is hogwash. They also say the DI's will call you for info on your child. DOnt trust them either. Just make nicey nicey small talk. Dont give any personal information that could be used against your child. Jamies DI actually asked for info to motivate him and even asked if we had any pictures of his girlfriend or ME in a bikini! Oh yeah I kindly wrote back that I thought my son was plenty motivated to be a Marine already.

    Let your daughter work through this on her own and send those "you can do it, we are proud of you" letters.