Need your opinions please

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hilarity, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    18 YO difficult child this state has 19 as legal age. Graduated high school, I think they just wanted rid of him. Caught with other people's pills (felony), been through outpatient drug rehab, (has never tested positive for any drugs), So in trouble with the law have 3 court dates in the next two weeks, still in the juvenile system, just out of detention center last monday. On Tuesday I gave him graduation money for present and on Thursday he altered check to say $800 instead of the $500 I had given him. Should I prosecute and let him have another felony in adult court - or should I have Juvenile lock him up in a treatment center.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Yes, you should prosecute.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Five HUNDRED dollars and he thought he needed more? How ungrateful!!! Yes, I would not let this one go by.

    For that amount, he must be a close relative or family friend? That will make it tough for you to make the decision to prosecute. However, he needs to learn that this is definately not how you say "Thank you!"
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    If possible, I'd have him go through the juvenile system, just to assuage my conscience. It really doesn't sound like anything you do is going to teach him a darn thing. For some of our kids, it really does taking them going out on their own and sinking into a very deep hole before they learn. Sadly, some never learn.

    I wish you the best. It sounds like you have a long way until he is 19. My sincere sympathies.
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    From my own experience - I would first lock him up in a treatment center - if he is using drugs that is the root of his problem - however if he chooses not to comply with the treatment I would prosecute. He has to learn that is unacceptable or he will continue to break the law. Just my two cents. We are all in here struggling together.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You could give him the choice. Drug test at the local doctor/hospital lab or you prosecute for the felony with the check.

    If he tests pos for drugs you can go the juvie rehab route. Although if he doesn't want to stop it won't do much for him.

    If there are no drugs, I'd prosecute. He's stepping onto a very dangerous road. The quicker he can get the message this type of behavior is not kid stuff, but serious, the better.

    A tough decision to make. Myself, I'd press charges. But you have to decide what's best for you and your situation with difficult child.

  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    This is a hard one to make a decision on. Once that felony is on his record, it will be hard to move forward. My 19 year old tried to cash a check for a "friend" and ended up with a felony forgery charge. He spent 15 months on probation, had to do a lot of community service, and had to pay large fines. With a felony on his record he is unable to find any sustainable work and is unable to move forward. I would go the rehab route first. And just because he passes a drug test doesn't mean he's clean----drug test can be beat.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Hilarity-

    From your brief recap, I expect there is a lot we don't know.

    If your son didn't test positive for drugs, why was he in the outpatient program?

    What are his 3 court dates for?

    I would need to know more before I'd share an opinion on what to do.


  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Looking at old posts, I'm thinking that it's driving 104 in a 55 zone without a seatbelt; Indecent Exposure; Assault. Old posts also indicate that Hilarity has had to lock away all valuables for a number of years due to multiple thefts, and that he is vulgar (and violent?) towards her. He is definitely violent towards her property, verbally threatening and physically intimidating to her.

    Suz, you might remember that earlier this year her son got into her account and posted something that you had to delete. I don't know that anyone other than you saw it, though.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Drug tests do not cover all drugs, esp prescription ones. And they can be beat.

    Personally, I would do whatever would get him out of my home. If you have tried teh juvy system with no luck, then prosecution is the only option, in my opinion.

    You MUST let him know you will not tolerate this. Not by talking to him but with your actions.

    I am very sorry, this is such a painful thing to endure.

    In the future, I would give him gift cards or items, not checks. Not even cash, as that can easily be used for drugs.


  11. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    Thanks for all your replies - you are all right - my life has been a nightmare for over a year. I'm a single mom and thank god there is this place to share - My entire family -- uncles, gradparents, etc. have been alienated for months over this. I have calls into the lawyer and Juvenile PO right now to see if they can lock him up, get him some treatment, etc. Appointment with Public Defender for the felony pill incident a few weeks ago today at 1 p.m. I'm going to try and see if at this point they can all agree to lock him up in juvenile where he might get some help. His Psychologist who he had for years indicated he thought difficult child might be a sociopath, then he decided on conduct disorder. difficult child doesn't get at all that he hurts people. his background is Last July Indecent exposure for having sex with girlfriend in park in car at night, Sep Assault - getting into a fight DEC 140 MPH speeding ticket, March MIP, May Felony having drugs locked up in Juvie for 5 days because of probation revocation - Thursday after got out did the check thing. He knows I am reporting the check incident to PO. I've been locking my bedroom door at night...I don't trust him at all.