Need your support tonight

[tryinghard]

As I have shared on threads today, difficult child is not doing well. He has raged almost everynight.

Tonight he is raging because he cannot play his video games until homework is done. This has ALWAYS been the rule...nothing new.

I am so tired. I am trying to stay calm. He is hitting things, hitting himself.....

Please send me encouragement...

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Sending you every shred of strength that I didn't already spend on my OWN difficult child (who raged because she could not play video games until her homework was done)

It's like, hello, are you new? These rules have always been here, why is this suddenly an issue...

Big hugs. Tomorrow is a new day. May it be a better one.

 

[tryinghard]

Thank you Big Bad Kitty. I am just sitting here reading posts trying to stay calm.

I wish I understood why he is raging...I read the Explosive Child and NONE of the techniques are working...

I am so glad I found you all...I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.

 

[smallworld]

If he doesn't have ADHD, Metadate could be making him rage. Has he ever seen a child psychiatrist?

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

You know, I was going to say the same thing. Tink was HORRIBLE on Metadate.

 

[klmno]

{{{HUGS}}} All I can add is that for my difficult child, when this starts happening more often than once every few months, medication changes are due. The proof to me is that medication changes make it completely go away-

 

[Hound dog]

I'm not familiar with the Metadate, but was also thinking that the rages might be caused by the medication or at least because it's not working.

Constant raging is so wearing. I hope he settles down soon.

Sending (((hugs))) your way.

 

[tryinghard]

Thanks everyone. He has finally stopped. It took about two hours....

He has only been raging at night...It appears after the Metadate wears off..

He has been on Metadate for four years....

I am trying to get him in for a Neuro Physc..

He was doing well until the last eight weeks. He was diagnosis'd with type one diabetes at that time.

I do not know if it is the aniexty of the diabetes or what. It does not appear to be the diabetes itself per the doctor, because he is in normal glucose range when this happens.

Honestly...I do not know...I do know that I am so tired.

I want to rage myself..but I am too tired.

Thank you for posting your support. It really did help me....

 

[Christy]

Hang in there. I hope things have calmed down and you can have some to reccharge.

You mentioned the Explosive Child book and my one complaint with that book is that Greene offers no support for what to do during a meltdown. It is all about choosing what is worth having a meltdown over but no advice for when they occur and they do!

Wishing you a better day tomorrow!
Christy

 

[tryinghard]

LOL..yes Christy...that is very true!

I just stayed really calm and kept saying things like "I can tell you are frustrated and I want to help you" "Tell me what you are feeling right now" "I am going to help you through this" "I can understand why you are feeling angry" ,...

Maybe he stopped because he was tired of hearing me validate his feelings!

 

[Christy]

Maybe-LOL I think when we manage to remain calm it takes all the fun out of it for them!

 

[klmno]

One thing that helps us sometimes- if my timing is right- is to let difficult child rage a little, I leave the room calmly and don't get caught up in it, then go back to him and tell him that I can see that something is really bugging him and if he'll discuss it with me I will do my best to help him find an appropriate solution because I'm sure he can see that we need to find a better answer. (This is my implementation of the Explosive Child during a meltdown) Like I say- this only works sometimes and for us it pretty much has to be at the end of the rage. But, when it works, it is amazing how effective it is.

 

[smallworld]

Can you give him a Metadate vacation for a few days and see how he is without it (of course, with permission from the prescribing doctor)?

 

[Sheila]

Could be the medication.

Could be the ADHD.

Could be the anxiety.

Could be a combination of all.

We've had the same homework problems in the past. I had to make a decision -- my son's mental health, regaining control of the home environment, etc. It wasn't worth the upset it caused all around and difficult child wasn't getting the supports in school he needed, so I backed off the homework.

For our difficult child, anxiety is much more a problem than the ADHD. When the anxiety symptoms escalate, he acts like he's not on an ADHD medication; other neurological disorders that appeared gone or previously remediated return.

Kids with ADHD and other disorders are often mentally fatigued when they get home from school. It's takes so much energy and concentration to be "on" all day at school, that there's little to none left for homework, et al.

Hope things smooth out for both of you soon -- couldn't pay me enough to return to the homework wars.

 

[tryinghard]

This morning was very calm and everything went well.

We have not taken a medication vacation, The only thing that has happened is on the weekend is that I forget to give him medicine some times until 10am and he is wild!!!! Within 30 minutes he is calm.

I really am baffled at this time.

I do think school takes so much out of him during the day, that some nights his frustration level is so high.

I just couldn't see allowing him to play video games before doing his homework.

I don't know.....I hope I am doing everything right...

 

[smallworld]

What is he allowed to do before homework? Snack? Playtime outside? Our kids often need a break before they can sit down and work again.

 

[Jena]

hi i'm so sorry i'm so late to this. that was very cool how you handled it it is soo not easy at times when their in the thick of it and we as parents are on our last breath of patience.

good job mom

Jen

 

[tryinghard]

Jennifer,

Thanks for your kind words. I am embarassed to say I usually do not handle it so well. Sometimes I stay calm for two hours and then just explode myself...every time I do that, I feel good for about five minutes..then I am depressed for days. I have decided that I will stay calm no matter what going forward. It is not easy...

Smallworld,

He goes to after school care until 6. He plays there so usually when we get home he knows he has to do homework first (while I cook dinner and then after dinner) Sometimes if he only has one page to do, and he wants to play with friends, I allow him.

WHAT DUMBFOUNDS ME IS...why some days does he understand and abide by what he already knows are the rules and other days just flips out like this is the first time he has ever heard of them??!!

I guess that is part of being a difficult child.

I am always open to "negociating with him" like the Explosive Child discussing. He will say he is tired of doing homework and needs a 15 minute break. I agree, he agrees, I set the timer..he plays...timer goes off and he starts the paper again. WIN WIN! He will do this 50 times no problem then BAM he refuses to do homework, he refuses to discuss it, he refuses and just wants to play the video game (or what ever)....

Frustrating for EVERYONE

 

[smallworld]

Is there any way the after-care folks could handle the homework issue instead of you?

 

[Star*]

Hi there,

HUGE BASKET of support being sent.

And some advice -

Call the school psychiatrist. Ask for an emergency revision of his IEP. On the IEP make it class specific that there is little or NO homework and how to work around that.

Dude would rage for hours non-stop over homework. For one ENTIRE year - every night, no matter what - we sat at that table and I was patient - had "FUN" pencils and colored paper, markers, stickers, calculator and all the happycrappy that goes with it. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING worked. He would rage from 4:10 until 11:00 at night - and I mean fits to beat all.

Finally I went to the school and told them - I can't keep doing this - the homework is causing so much stress. They actually wrote it out of his schedule and eliminated homework - he did it in school with a shadow and what he did not do? They worked on the next morning.

The School Dist. ALSO paid for a shadow. And you can get them to pay for an after school tutor. AT SCHOOL to work with him ONe on ONE.

Worth a try if anxiety from homework is reduced - Sure didn't stop Dude from raging but it stopped me from avoiding stabs with broken pencils. - Is he in self contained classes? That may help also.

and if the book didn't help - find another - and another and another until you find one that works for YOU and him.