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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 745420" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>An addict won't get sober until they are ready to listen to others and stop trying to manipulate things/people to get what they want (the ability to use drugs/alcohol without suffering the consequences). AA/NA calls it surrender. Addicts need to reach the point where they are so desperate to change that they will ask how high when told to jump.</p><p></p><p>Your son is nowhere near that point. He is still very much trying to manipulate you to get what he wants. He thinks he doesn't have to follow rules and does everything he can to get around them.</p><p></p><p>You have to get strong enough to stop letting him manipulate you. He is using your love for him to scare you into giving him what he wants. My therapist told my husband and me that our daughter would use things that she knew we would worry about the most to get what she wanted from us. She would tell us she was sick, homeless, hungry . . . all of the things that terrified me. And yet, when I finally stopped giving in to her she was able to find a place to stay and never lost any weight. She called us one time telling us she was living on a street corner. My husband was able to look at her email and saw that she had just ordered a pizza to be delivered to an apartment.</p><p></p><p>My therapist kept repeating that my daughter was going to do what she wanted to do and that there was nothing I could do to change her behavior. When I finally accepted that, my life changed. We substantially reduced communication which gave her less opportunities to try to manipulate us. We set a time once a week when she could call and we would talk to her. Even then, we would end the call if she became abusive or manipulative. We blocked her number the rest of the week.</p><p></p><p>People only treat you like you let them treat you. Stop letting him bleed you dry.</p><p></p><p>One day he might get sober and you can rebuild your relationship. My daughter was just like your son and she will be celebrating her 3-year anniversary of sobriety in March. There is always hope.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 745420, member: 1967"] An addict won't get sober until they are ready to listen to others and stop trying to manipulate things/people to get what they want (the ability to use drugs/alcohol without suffering the consequences). AA/NA calls it surrender. Addicts need to reach the point where they are so desperate to change that they will ask how high when told to jump. Your son is nowhere near that point. He is still very much trying to manipulate you to get what he wants. He thinks he doesn't have to follow rules and does everything he can to get around them. You have to get strong enough to stop letting him manipulate you. He is using your love for him to scare you into giving him what he wants. My therapist told my husband and me that our daughter would use things that she knew we would worry about the most to get what she wanted from us. She would tell us she was sick, homeless, hungry . . . all of the things that terrified me. And yet, when I finally stopped giving in to her she was able to find a place to stay and never lost any weight. She called us one time telling us she was living on a street corner. My husband was able to look at her email and saw that she had just ordered a pizza to be delivered to an apartment. My therapist kept repeating that my daughter was going to do what she wanted to do and that there was nothing I could do to change her behavior. When I finally accepted that, my life changed. We substantially reduced communication which gave her less opportunities to try to manipulate us. We set a time once a week when she could call and we would talk to her. Even then, we would end the call if she became abusive or manipulative. We blocked her number the rest of the week. People only treat you like you let them treat you. Stop letting him bleed you dry. One day he might get sober and you can rebuild your relationship. My daughter was just like your son and she will be celebrating her 3-year anniversary of sobriety in March. There is always hope. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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