hi!!! So, today i had a meltdown no crying just kinda wanted to pack up the truck again head up to the mountains where ever those are!! difficult child although eating, has been more of a struggle behavioraly sleep wise etc due to no medications now. very very happy about the eating. yet even with that had to draw my lines and strong. told her if 3 meals aren't completed each day and they can be super small off to the hospital you go after xmas, and not the hospital you want 7 hours away, the local one. why did i do this? because she flipped the script yesterday momentarily. i had to gauge was it her defiance and nastiness or the phobia returning. took a shot at nastiness and yup i was right. we are back on track, potatoes and chicken last night breakfast today. phobia's over. if she slips back it's all her other mental illness at play mixed in with-all her behavioral issues, not the fear. she truly beat it. i saw those wheels click, and turn and connect those dots earlier this week during therapy. she was just ready and tired of her life the way it is. yet now she's lacking the attention the eating disorder gave her. make sense? you would have to know her. super polite, sweet, kid, yet flip is super needy, sep. anxiety to hilt, defiant, nasty, complicated, brilliant, creative and hyper and depressed up and down and all around. i bet alot of you have those in your home too! ex h came out today to take her to chuck cheese's was happy he could take her to place for actual food. she has been up each night since tapering off medications that weren't really working anyway till 3 a.m. we tried to close our door, sleep yet she screams my name till 3 a.m. it's enough to make you want to, well you can imagine. told exh today just take her overnight. i need a break or i wont' be good to anyone. need a nite where husband and i aren't sitting up till 3 listening to her scream. so i went to natural food store and bought a great multi vitamin for myself, my hair's falling out in clumps by the way and i have a bald spot in the back now tiny yet there. made an appointment for a hair cut. went to a cheap cheap place two weeks ago and they totally butchered it. so hopefully he wont' mess her up keeping her for 48 hours not even. yet enough is enough is say. so, i'm going to take my vitamins, get a haircut without difficult child hasseling me, come home eat dinner and a movie alone. easy child has plans. i'm not cleaning the house or running to laundromat, dryer broke again. just doing me today. tmrw everything else well it can wait.easy child said wow your sending her? you got vitamins for you besides what your taking and your getting a hair cut?? i said yup if i dont' start doing for me i wont' be me anymore i'll be the stressed out person you have come to know now for 5 mos. so yea i took all your advice for a day. its' a start..