Neighborhood difficult child causing PROBLEMS

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    We have a girl in our neighborhood that moved here at the end of last school year. She was in difficult child 1's SpEd resource room. She was always teasing him and causing problems with BOTH my kids. This summer, she got difficult child 1 kicked out of the city pool for 1/2 a day. He and some friends were sitting in the shallow end talking. Girl goes up to them and starts butting in and teasing difficult child 1. difficult child 1 blew up at her and she went to tell the lifeguard that he was being mean to her. difficult child 1 is so used to being blamed for things that he wouldn't talk to the lifeguard so he got kicked out. I went back, got difficult child 1's two friends he'd been talking to as witnesses and went to the manager to explain the whole story. Gf1 was allowed back in.

    Fast forward.... Girl's grandma that she lives with is friends with my kids' friend's mom. Girl makes herself at home at friend's house and friend's family is too nice to ask her to leave. When my kids are there, friend and my boys ignore her. She gets irritated and starts causing problems...teasing them. Kids come home to get away from her, she follows, tells me I need to tell my kids to be nice. I tell her to stay away from them and off my property. She screams like a banshee and swears at me all the way down the street as she's going back home.

    Fast forward again... Boys come home from friend's one night and told me Girl has been sent away for a medication adjustment. They are happy as can be because she isn't around for awhile.

    Fast forward some more.... difficult child 2 has been volunteering at our local library (1 block from our house) for 3 years now. Last week(the Wednesday before Thanksgiving), he goes to return a book and offers to help the librarian that is working alone and it's busy. She says she can't let him do that until the head librarian talks to him. He comes home and tells me this. I call that librarian and she says she's not comfortable talking to me about it 1)it's not her place and 2)she isn't in a place (location) where she can. So we wait until Monday (they're closed for the 4 day Thanksgiving week-end). difficult child 2 and I go to talk to the head librarian. She tells us that a young girl came in and told them that difficult child 2 had pushed and tripped her and she hurt her back. difficult child 2 has this confused look on his face and (I don't know why) I ask him if Girl has been at the library lately. He said no, he hasn't seen her anywhere in a couple weeks. Librarian asks who I'm talking about and give her some background about our dealing with Girl and the things she has caused. difficult child 2 tells us that several weeks ago they were at friend's house and Girl was there. Friend asked difficult child 2 to write something for him, Girl thinks it's something about her, sqeezed difficult child 2's wrist and grabs the pencil away from him, jabbing him as it went. difficult child 2 pushed Girl and she tripped over her own feet and fell. That was it. Librarian admits that is who told them and "because we are mandated reporters we had to make a report to the police. Has officer **** been in contact with you?" Uhh, no. "Well then she must have decided it didn't need pursuing".

    difficult child 2 and I walk back home and talk about how they need to stay FAR away from Girl. She is dangerous and can cause some serious harm to his reputation. I told him that no matter where they were or what they were doing, if Girl is there or shows up, they need to leave IMMEDIATELY. I don't care if friend comes home with them or not but they need to leave. I had told librarian we've had nothing but trouble with this Girl since she moved here and that I'd move if I could just to get away from her. Pretty sad that I'd be willing to move from my home because of a 13 year old neighborhood girl.

    Sorry this got so long but I have been stewing about this and finally decided to get it off my chest. Thanks for letting me vent. I just love you guys.
  2. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    have you talked to Girls mother? or filed any reports? i would see about getting a restraining order on her or something. is she doing this to your difficult child or does she do it to everyone?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Girl lives with her dad and grandmother. THEY are just happy when she's not at home bugging THEM. She seems to target my kids but guess I'm not sure if she does this to other kids. I do know she's banned from a few houses in the neighborhood because she teases the younger kids (4-7 year olds). As for a restraining order, she only "teases" and seems to know better than to do anything physical but she pushes other people's buttons and then tattles on them to get THEM in trouble. She doesn't DO anything.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well squeezing his arm is doing something. Touching him is actually assault if it is an unwanted and unasked for touch. Now that is getting rather picky but you have to do what ya gotta do. Cory was actually arrested at age 12 for knocking his math papers out of another boys hands after they teased him horribly in class because he didnt know how to do the work. I hate it when teachers pass work around the class to have other students grade other students work. Thats what they did to him and the rest of the class just started calling him a retard who rode the short bus. You can imagine how well that went over.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    She sounds like a bully among other things. I actually feel sorry for her and am angry with the parents/guardians but we are not in business of saving the world and the fact is that a girl especially can get boys into deep deep trouble. You did the right thing, telling the boys to get far away from her. Tell them to use their phones to call you asap if they feel trapped or if something physical happens so you can go and immediately get witness reports etc. She could block the door so they can't leave etc. have them practice maybe? so that the can do it subtly and she wont catch on and try to cause a fuss.

    I am actually scared for your boys. This girl sounds very very vulnerable, no social sense and she is going to tease the wrong person and get hurt. That is one reason Q is not alone ever. With his outbursts and what he thinks is funny but is NOT and hurts people's feelings... I am always there or another adult is there to help the kids process it and make sure he can't touch them etc.... Is she delayed cognitively ? maybe a call to cps on HER behalf is needed. she is just too vulnerable to be out and about plus she is making false reports on people. That is against the law by the way... since he did not push her and she fell after assaulting him, she should be held accountable for that. She sounds so desperate for attention, she will say and do anything, that is really a dangerous thing. I want to come and help you protect the boys..., she sounds scary. funny thought as to what would happen to this nutter if Q ever got teased by her, she probably wouldn't know what really did hit her... sigh.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Lord only knows buddy. I would LOVE to be there if it ever happened. Problem is, she'd find a way to have it all fall on Q and there ARE people here who would believe her (remember the cop I have an ISSUE with?). Yea, she scares me too. I'm not sure what her issues are. All I know is she spent most of her day in the resource room. She was always there whenever difficult child 1 was in there. The days I spent there, I don't think she left the room and an aide was ALWAYS by her. Definitely no social sense and definitely starving for attention. In a way, I think she is jealous that my boys get along with all the neighborhood kids. She has tried to sabatoge that many times but their parents are smart and have figured it out and banned her from their property. It is sad but I really worry about my boys.

    As I've been thinking about this, I haven't seen her around for quite a while and the boys haven't said anything about her for a while. I wonder if she's still around or maybe her dad & grandma are keeping a tight leash on her. What really scares me is that the incident she reported to library staff happened a week or two before she reported it. That worries me.
  7. rdland

    rdland New Member

    Wow! She sounds like a piece of work! That stinks she keeps ruining things. Hopefully he can find a way to stay away from her. She sounds like a bully! I hope her family opens their eyes and start trying to deal with her instead of ignoring her. I would be concerned that she does not try to harm him some time.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is really awful..............but when you said Girl lives with her Dad and Grandma, first thought that popped in my head was omg I wonder if it's my neice! (I said it was awful) But at least I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong state for that. However........if it were my neice? Both Dad and Grandma would come down on her major, iffy as to whether or not that would affect her behavior away from them though.

    I'd go have a chat with her Dad. I mean you can do it as tactfully and nicely as possible. But honestly? Not talking to her Dad, or doing something about her behavior to your kids, you're letting her bully you too. I don't mean to sound harsh.........I just mean this is the bullish mentality. If you don't stand up to her, she won't stop, instead it will continue to escalate.

  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Before you know it, she'll be accusing some kid of sexual abuse. Your kids need to stay away from her!
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is exactly what I was thinking... That is why I said she seems so scary. I think hound has a point. Especially if SHE sees you talking to the parent/grandparent. She will know you are on to her, that the adults are talking and even if the do nothing, she will have it in her that her being so sneaky is obvious. You can fudge too.... say the police and library have known your children for years and they have never been in trouble and they know they are good kids. That they are suspecting she is not telling the truth and much like the boy who cried wolf, she could really be ignored if she was in true need at some point. Plus, she is not going to be welcome anywhere because everyone is tired of her hurting kids' feelings and ruining their fun times. I 'd make it clear in front of her that you will have no problem pressing charges against her if she makes false allegations or touches either of your kids. She doesn't have to know that the cop is a jerk and it maybe would go nowhere!

    Sad thing is she probably doesn't have the skills to do better, but you still have to be mom first, not social worker, as you are doing. Makes me crazy if she needs that level of supervision at school then that means she needs it in the community. Even more reason to report her family, not to cause trouble but to help them get home services. I mean if a pca was with her maybe she could learn some social skills out in the community....far far away from your boys preferably! If not, auntie Dee is coming to give her dad and little miss herself a clue...only a couple hours, I can do it..!