Nervous About Tomorrow's Meeting...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Feb 22, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We had our meeting with our caseworker a few weeks ago now...and though we were supposed to have created a "Total Service Plan" for difficult child - not much was accomplished at the meeting largely because our caseworker is new and our 'list of concerns' was beyond what she was able to address.

    Tomorrow - we are meeting with caseworker's supervisor.

    Supervisor has specifically requested difficult child to attend the meeting.

    I am incredibly nervous!

    Number one - because I have no idea what the "tone" of this meeting will be. Will it be hostile/confrontational as though husband and I are being "difficult" ? Or will it be cooperative and helpful ?

    difficult child being in attendance definitely adds a new "wrinkle" as difficult child never likes to hear that anyone thinks there may be a problem and how dare we accuse her of doing anything even remotely wrong! So best case scenario with difficult child is that she sits there and denies, denies, denies and otherwise explains away all the issues. Worse case scenario? difficult child gets hostile...

    I am spending today making sure that I have my 'ducks in a row' - I have all my paperwork and bulleted list of concerns.

    Last night, I told difficult child about the meeting and that she needed to think about what kinds of goals she would like to set for herself. Although she did not get upset, she made it clear that she can't think of any goals because she doesn't see any areas that are problems right now.

    Gently, I reminded her that her temper is still out of control, she does not maintain friendships, she is not doing very well in school, her hygiene is a problem, she is still pulling out her eyelashes, and lying to the psychiatrist about taking her medications. difficult child explained all these things away and said that if they ever become a problem in the future - she'll make some changes then.


    This ought to be a FUN meeting - NOT!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, hon... I know how this feels!

    WHY in the world do they want difficult child present? So they can watch family dynamics? Geez.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh I think it's less nefarious than that -

    They like the kids present because they want the children to be "on board" and "excited" about getting into the program and really getting a chance to work on their issues.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending good thoughts your way...and crossing my fingers, too. DDD
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Oh, my. And we think our kids are delusional...
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Having the kid present does add a wrinkle to it. Eeyore is an excellent participant in his meetings. He sets goals, asks questions, and does a great job. Kanga gets pouty or everyone carefully choose their words to not 'upset' her. Anything that is discussed that Kanga doesn't like, she simply pretends wasn't said, so overall useless.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child tried to get out of it every time. They had to go ger her from class every single time. She did not say much though. Just nodded in agreement with whatever the teachers suggested. Totally pointless!
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that the meeting goes well!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Having difficult child there might be a good thing. Esp if she gets upset or goes into a rage. It will show that you and husband are not exaggerating or making things up. That was what I faced at IEP and staff meetings and with all but one therapist. It was all focused on how great he was during the meeting and how the problems couldn't be there because he was so "wonderful" and "well mannered" during the meeting.

    Times when he wasn't participating were not a big deal, but times when he flew off the handle or insisted that things did happen or he was insistent that I was "lying" (he was always pretty much delusional when he made accusations like this - most of the time in the next breath he was explaining how if we would just get him a ticket to go to Japan and give him a bunch of cash - he though $10,000 would be reasonable - he could go spend a month in japan and find the real life pokemon and bring them home and be a big media hero for proving they do exist but Japan was conspiring to hide them from everyone else in the world. From a 6yo this wasn't a big deal but from a 12 or 13 yo it really was helpful in getting him services, Know what I mean??

    Anyway, if this supervisor sees her in a rage or temper I bet you can get more services. Ask them how you are supposed to handle this type of thing at home if she is this out of control in a meeting with preofessionals? It probably wouldn't be too difficult to get her upset just by insisting she bath, put on clean undies, do homework while you wait or whatever she hates to do.

    It sounds mean and no one wants to be embarrassed by their child's awful behavior, but in reality it is helping her. How??? Yeah, it sounds off the wall, but these people will NOT treat what they cannot see. So you will be letting them see what she is like and what you need help with - including her denial that she isn't perfect in every way. Think about it. Are people going to rush to help someone walking alone saying'Can you please help me, I believe my arm has been sliced off and I am bleeding out?" or the person who has blood squirting everywhere and is screaming HELP HELP HELP!!!! ?

    That is exactly what her behavior needs to do to impress how serious her behaviors are. Bring up the 12yo kid she was sexting with a while back, disappearing after school while sending messages to strangers, her delusions about passing JROTC when she doesn't even try to do any of the activities or wear the uniform, etc.... Go through your past posts if you want reminders - I found that terribly helpful when I needed to list things we had been through with Wiz.

    I hope the meeting is productive, that they see how seriously she needs help and that this supervisor is able to do a heck of a lot more than the caseworker can. Otherwise - ask for HER supervisor.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks for the good wishes!

    The meeting is this afternoon...

    I will post with updates sometime tonight.