Steely
Active Member
I know, many of you have kept up with my emotional saga, and are just as drained as I am from me writing about it. So sorry. However, I will be in Dallas for my Dad's funeral next week, and I have to get help there. As you know there is no one or no place that can help me here in this small town, so I am counting on Dallas. I have an appointment with my old counselor every single day until I leave. And my flight back is undetermined.
But here is my question, how does one really overcome a breakdown? I know I am just shooting in the dark here, since you are not all doctors, but I guess I am just confused.
I mean, you could go to a phosph for a week, and they can change medications - but that is not the deal with me. This is 4 years of raw grief, and I am on a lot of medications already that the Dr has been tweaking. I don't think more medications are going to do the trick - this is situational depression.
I could see my counselor every day for a month and see what happens, maybe that will help.
Or I could check myself into some exorbitant retreat, but that seems over the top, and what do they really do?
To tell you the honest truth I am brutally scared of myself. I cry the first 3 hours of the morning, and then all afternoon feel morbidly suicidal. I know I have to get help - but to just go to a phosph for a week seems like not really the answer. I have seen that enough with Matt. I am not in a direct danger to myself - but I know I have to get some REAL help.
First, however, I have to get through my dad's funeral. And guess who will be attending??? My sister's Ex girlfriend who refused to give me any one thing of my sister's when she died. My parents gave it all to her. Do you know how much repression has to go on for me to be around her and not punch her? I have not seen her since H died. And she is not only going to be at the funeral but the private party afterwords. There are no words.
In addition this "hiking buddy" that I have been so close to and such good friends with is "disappointed" and not really into talking anymore because I suggested a solution that "I should have known was not viable for him". What? OK crazy. I did not know you were looking for a perfect friend. A dog might be a better choice dude. Still - I really wanted his friendship, he was really cool. Until now.
The bottom line is that I have to pull myself out of this cr@p SOON, get a job, and move on with life. I mean - I need a real miracle to just fall in my lap at this point. Some entity that will just pick me up by the scruff of my neck and land me in a new house, job, and place and give me the power and momentum to GO!
Thanks
But here is my question, how does one really overcome a breakdown? I know I am just shooting in the dark here, since you are not all doctors, but I guess I am just confused.
I mean, you could go to a phosph for a week, and they can change medications - but that is not the deal with me. This is 4 years of raw grief, and I am on a lot of medications already that the Dr has been tweaking. I don't think more medications are going to do the trick - this is situational depression.
I could see my counselor every day for a month and see what happens, maybe that will help.
Or I could check myself into some exorbitant retreat, but that seems over the top, and what do they really do?
To tell you the honest truth I am brutally scared of myself. I cry the first 3 hours of the morning, and then all afternoon feel morbidly suicidal. I know I have to get help - but to just go to a phosph for a week seems like not really the answer. I have seen that enough with Matt. I am not in a direct danger to myself - but I know I have to get some REAL help.
First, however, I have to get through my dad's funeral. And guess who will be attending??? My sister's Ex girlfriend who refused to give me any one thing of my sister's when she died. My parents gave it all to her. Do you know how much repression has to go on for me to be around her and not punch her? I have not seen her since H died. And she is not only going to be at the funeral but the private party afterwords. There are no words.
In addition this "hiking buddy" that I have been so close to and such good friends with is "disappointed" and not really into talking anymore because I suggested a solution that "I should have known was not viable for him". What? OK crazy. I did not know you were looking for a perfect friend. A dog might be a better choice dude. Still - I really wanted his friendship, he was really cool. Until now.
The bottom line is that I have to pull myself out of this cr@p SOON, get a job, and move on with life. I mean - I need a real miracle to just fall in my lap at this point. Some entity that will just pick me up by the scruff of my neck and land me in a new house, job, and place and give me the power and momentum to GO!
Thanks