Nervous breakdown? What should I do?

Peace Please

New Member
((Steely))) Does your whole being feel like a shattered safety window -- completely covered in cracks but just barely hanging in the frame? That is how I felt during the darkest grief in my life. medications didn't help, talking didn't help, I was terrified that I was going to be like that forever.

Can you afford the time/money to focus completely on you for 3 days? Just check into a nice hotel, spend the day at a spa -- massage, facial, etc, get lots of sleep in a big comfy bed, order room services, maybe walk around a museum or a park...don't plan on thinking about anything; give yourself permission to just be. The problems and the grief will still be there after the 3 days but you will have a little more energy, a little more focus. If you are having trouble sleeping, I'd ask the doctor for 3 sleeping pills to make sure you rest.

I completely agree with JJJ here. The shattered glass feeling is exactly how I have felt two times in my life. I have severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that was diagnosed when I was 19. I'm 37 now, and I barely remember those periods of time anymore, except feeling like I was never going to feel better. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is primarily obsessions related to illness in myself. What has worked the best for me has been resting for a few days, until I start to feel a little more energetic. Then, I start adding back in things I love to do, like crossword puzzles or reading. I find that these are the best distractions because you have to think about them, which helps distract me from whatever it is that's bothering me. After a couple of days of "redirecting" my mind, I start adding back in more physical things, as much as I can handle for each day. When I take the time to do these things for myself, I feel better pretty quickly. I do think that you should visit your doctor and talk about your medication. It took about three years after I was diagnosed for us to find the right combo of medications for me. Don't give up. Things will get better. Sending you hugs!!
 

Marguerite

Active Member
I've skimmed responses. There's some good stuff there.

I've been in similar places at times, but for different reasons, of course.

Things to remember -

1) they don't call it nervous breakdown any more. I think the old term used to cover a wide range of different problems with different causes. But what you describe - been there done that. Without medications because I can't take them, and because I never told people the first time.

2) New grief raises old grief and especially old unresolved grief boils to the surface unpredictably and throws you badly off balance. Current unresolved grief adds to the mess and is like a raw wound gushing blood. You wonder how you can possibly survive - but you do. But the old grief, the stuff you thought was no longer an issue, is the great disturber. The new grief will have you wondering how you can have any tears left, but the old grief will rapidly morph into anger, then you feel guilty for being angry, especially over stuff that seems so trivial. But if you feel it, it is not as trivial as it seems. Do not let anyone including yourself) tell you it's trivial and to get over it. That is why you're having to deal with it again - because you listened to that crud the first time.

3) How I coped - sameness. I relied on patterns of behaviour, on not making choices I didn't need to make. i went to work, did a menial job, did not have to make decisions. Every day I ordered a sandwich for lunch. I could not choose what to have so I chose the Aussie simplest - a Vegemite sandwich on white bread. It would have been simple and easy to make my own each day, but there was a ritual in ordering it from the sandwich shop. My sandwich was delivered to my office at 12 noon each day. At 1 pm I went to the lunchroom on my own to eat it, or ate it at my desk. And when the shop's sandwich hand changed to someone who didn't know that Vegemite has to e spread thinly, and my sandwich was full or large salty black goopy blobs of Vegemite making it inedible, I still couldn't change. I still kept ordering Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. Then I had an argument with my boss. I can't remember why, I think I was starting to come out of my mouseness. But I couldn't stay at my desk or anywhere near him to eat my lunch so I began going for a walk to a park bench to eat. Then it was just a few steps further to buy something different - I was almost paralysed with fear the first time I had to change and make a decision. But it was what I had needed. A few months later I had enough gumption to change my job. But it had all been necessary for healing.

4) Whatever healing there is, is never permanent. But whatever progress you can make now, is pain that won't come back to haunt you next time.

5) Each time you go through this, you get better at healing yourself. It begins to come naturally. But the opposite is true - if your coping mechanism is denial, then each time you go through this, you get more skilled at denial and your pain will be even worse to begin with, every time something bad happens. So learn to slowly face the drama, as and when you can handle it. Never deny it as a copping strategy.

I was off the air for over two weeks (apart from a moment grabbed every other day) so I did not know your father had died. I'm sorry to hear about it, Steely. Be good to yourself, look after yourself in every way while you go through this. Other people's grief will trigger more in you, but let it happen and work its good while you can. You will begin to bury it all again too soon (we all do!), so use your chances now to heal.

Talk. Listen. Laugh even, where good memories come up. Laughing and crying now is accepted and acceptable. And never forget - this is your pain. Your father's pain is now over.

Marg
 

Steely

Active Member
I've skimmed responses. There's some good stuff there.

I've been in similar places at times, but for different reasons, of course.

Things to remember -

1) they don't call it nervous breakdown any more. I think the old term used to cover a wide range of different problems with different causes. But what you describe - been there done that. Without medications because I can't take them, and because I never told people the first time.

2) New grief raises old grief and especially old unresolved grief boils to the surface unpredictably and throws you badly off balance. Current unresolved grief adds to the mess and is like a raw wound gushing blood. You wonder how you can possibly survive - but you do. But the old grief, the stuff you thought was no longer an issue, is the great disturber. The new grief will have you wondering how you can have any tears left, but the old grief will rapidly morph into anger, then you feel guilty for being angry, especially over stuff that seems so trivial. But if you feel it, it is not as trivial as it seems. Do not let anyone including yourself) tell you it's trivial and to get over it. That is why you're having to deal with it again - because you listened to that crud the first time.

3) How I coped - sameness. I relied on patterns of behaviour, on not making choices I didn't need to make. i went to work, did a menial job, did not have to make decisions. Every day I ordered a sandwich for lunch. I could not choose what to have so I chose the Aussie simplest - a Vegemite sandwich on white bread. It would have been simple and easy to make my own each day, but there was a ritual in ordering it from the sandwich shop. My sandwich was delivered to my office at 12 noon each day. At 1 pm I went to the lunchroom on my own to eat it, or ate it at my desk. And when the shop's sandwich hand changed to someone who didn't know that Vegemite has to e spread thinly, and my sandwich was full or large salty black goopy blobs of Vegemite making it inedible, I still couldn't change. I still kept ordering Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. Then I had an argument with my boss. I can't remember why, I think I was starting to come out of my mouseness. But I couldn't stay at my desk or anywhere near him to eat my lunch so I began going for a walk to a park bench to eat. Then it was just a few steps further to buy something different - I was almost paralysed with fear the first time I had to change and make a decision. But it was what I had needed. A few months later I had enough gumption to change my job. But it had all been necessary for healing.

4) Whatever healing there is, is never permanent. But whatever progress you can make now, is pain that won't come back to haunt you next time.

5) Each time you go through this, you get better at healing yourself. It begins to come naturally. But the opposite is true - if your coping mechanism is denial, then each time you go through this, you get more skilled at denial and your pain will be even worse to begin with, every time something bad happens. So learn to slowly face the drama, as and when you can handle it. Never deny it as a copping strategy.

I was off the air for over two weeks (apart from a moment grabbed every other day) so I did not know your father had died. I'm sorry to hear about it, Steely. Be good to yourself, look after yourself in every way while you go through this. Other people's grief will trigger more in you, but let it happen and work its good while you can. You will begin to bury it all again too soon (we all do!), so use your chances now to heal.

Talk. Listen. Laugh even, where good memories come up. Laughing and crying now is accepted and acceptable. And never forget - this is your pain. Your father's pain is now over.

Marg

Marg - this is the BEST advice I have ever heard on grieving. This should be archived. THANK YOU.
 
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