New and could use some advice!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovinmyboys, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. lovinmyboys

    lovinmyboys Guest

    Hi all, I am so blessed to find this website. It's refreshing to know that I am not alone in the challenges I am facing with my 3 1/2 year old boy. My concern is with his aggressiveness at home AND at preschool. He has multiple tantrums/meltdowns daily, some of which are violent. He will knock over chairs/tables, throw things, hit and kick. When he is put in time-out, he scratches me and screams things like "Shut Up!" or "I hate you!" We will put him in his room and he will just about kick the door down. Most of these tantrums come out of not getting something that he wants. They usually only last about 5-30 minutes. He also has a lot of frustrations tantrums when he can't figure out how to do something--this is his main issue at school.

    He also is mean to the family dog, constantly pulling at her tail or hitting and kicking her. We have been through 2 daycares that have told us that they are not equipped to handle his aggressiveness. As far as I know, he doesn't hurt other children, just his teachers. I am at my wits end with this child!

    Here is some background info on him:

    He was a full-term baby, no issues at birth. He was colicky and cried all the time for the first few months. He hit all of his milestones on time if not before, except for speech. We found out that he could not hear because of fluid in his ears, so he had tubes inserted when he was 18 months old. After that, he began talking up a storm and now he advanced in his speech. At 11 months old, he started banging his head on the floor out of frustration. This continued until he was about 2 years old. Now, when he is out of control, he will bite himself or slap himself in the face. I am very concerned about his self-destructive behavior. He can be kind and loving at times. He is also very active! He rarely plays with his toys. He always plays with in-animate objects like bobby pins, straws, and really odd stuff. He has always had an eye for detail..if we put something new in his room, he could recognize it right away or say we got a new candle in the living room--he would notice it immediately. His memory is ridiculous! He remembers things that happened a year ago! He can watch a movie one time and remember the smallest detail.

    He is just an oddball! He seems to be advanced in everything but he frustrates SO easily and just loses it. He loves to socialize with other kids at the park, etc. But when they won't do what he wants, he can't handle it.

    Anyway, sorry this is SO long. Do you guys think this is typical behavior for his age or could it be something else. by the way, my husband has ADHD and I have been treated for depression when I was younger. No other mental illnesses diagnosed, however I do believe that I have social anxiety disorder. Thanks all
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the site! It's a great group of people that have been down a lot of different roads and gained a lot of experience.

    While none of us are able to diagnosis your son's issues, the ring very much like a combo of my 2 boys.

    Let me ask you...

    Do certain sounds freak him out?
    Did/does he have problems with itchy tags, long sleeves, certain materials?
    Is he a picky eater - does he refuse foods of a certain texture/color/taste?
    Has he been tested for food allergies?

    There's a battery of tests done by a neuropsychologist that may help you determine if there's a problem. Quite honestly, he sounds like he's running you ragged and you could use a little help here!

    There's a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a light read, but can give you some insight. There's a thread at the top of the Early Childhood Forum that helps you adapt it to smaller children.

    Again, welcome to the crowd! Stop in often and check the different forums - The Watercooler is a great place to visit if you want to let your hair down about things in general!

    Talk to you soon!

  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    My red flags for autism are going up on several of those phrases. You need to get him in for a full multidisciplinary evaluation. Mine was very similar and I'm still trying to get her in for the full evaluation, and the tantrums just get worse as they get stronger. And yes, get The Book.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with HaoZi. This sounds so much like autism spectrum. If you want to read a book written by a mother about her son who has Asperger's, which is an autism spectrum disorder, there is a book called "A Good Kind of Different" by Shonda Schilling. When I read it, I saw my son in most of what she said about her son. Beth's (nvts) questions are the ones I wish I had been asked years ago. They are what are making me seriously consider Asperger's being my son's problem. Right now he's diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.

    Read the Ross Greene book and find a neuropsychiatrist. I had the same issues with finding a psychiatrist with openings that saw kids with our insurance. It took awhile but I finally found one I could see in 3 months. Three months is a long time but better that nothing. In the mean time, talk to your pediatrician. They are usually willing to help in the short term.

    Good Luck and keep us posted.
  5. lovinmyboys

    lovinmyboys Guest

    Thank you guys for responding. To Beth: He does get scared of really loud sounds like the fire alarms that they do at his school, motorcycles, etc. He doesn't seem to have any sensory issues as far as clothing or food texture goes. He won't eat veggies but that seems pretty normal. He was tested for food allergies when he was about 13 months old (he had really bad eczema)and they said he is allergic to egg whites and shellfish. However, he eats egg products all the time with no issues. I actually started reading the explosive child book about a week ago.

    Can you tell me what exactly a neuropsychologist does? Do they actually diagnose kids this young? Thanks
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Won't eat ANY veggies, or won't eat specific ones? My kiddo won't eat ANY, and very little in the way of fruit.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Not sensory is a good thing! A neuropsychologist may not necessarily give a definite diagnosis, but they know the signs within the testing that will let you know which direction to look. They're basically able to talk to you and the child to understand the history, activities, outbursts, etc. and then in conjunction with a variety of tests, have an idea - if not a diagnosis. - as to things to put into place to better understand him.

    This will also enable you once school begins, to look into an IEP if necessary. The best thing about doing it privately, you can either share the info with the school system or not.

    Have a good night! :)

  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    There's a good article on Autistic Spectrum Disorder evaluations at this link. What's important is to find the specialist in your area that does the best job in the area of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) evaluations. That may be a developmental pediatrician, Autism Clinic, neuropsychologist, or other specialty area.