HopeRemains
New Member
Hi there. I have browsed this site a couple of times, and now think it's way past time I joined. I am the stepmom to difficult child (what does that mean?), boy, 8, bipolar (on abilify) and ODD (my own diagnosis). Also Mom to DS who just turned 3 (who is picking up on his big brother's cues on how he should act). I have been a stay at home mom to this child and raised him since he was 2.5 yrs old. husband has changed jobs since, so it's better now, but he used to be gone most of the time, leaving me to deal with L on my own, no previous parenting experience. Oiy! I often think... "WHAT have I gotten myself into???".
L has always been angry. He has a biomom who has only started taking her every other weekend visits regularly for the past couple of years. She is a *recovering* meth addict and it isn't hard to see where L gets alot of his violent behaviors. She makes him lie for her, lies about him to husband, and has him thinking we are "grilling" him so that he will not answer even the simplest inquiry about his weekend. She has filed false child abuse charges on ME, and neglect on my husband, which makes things SO much harder here. Now I am still alone with him very often, and I am scared to touch him or reprimand him some days. Last night he made sure to yell at us that he was going to tell his Mom on us because he was in trouble. This happens often.
L can be very violent and aggressive. He tries to bully us at home, but is a perfect angel in school. He has attacked me more than once physically and constantly hurts my younger son (especially when he thinks no one is looking). Ex: Stabbed E in the hand with a fork because he wouldn't give L one of his chicken nuggets when he was 1 yr old, Pushed E into the coffeetable and chipped his two front teeth when E was just learning to walk, Constantly pushed E down everytime he walked anywhere near him, Kicks him, Punches him, etc, not to mention the overall bullying additude he has towards him everyday. Either L is being very mean to him or trying to win E over when he is in trouble by playing the victim and telling him how horrible we are. He tries to Now my youngest says he hates me and mean things, although he is a very good natured child- he is copying his brother's behaviors. Last night E came at me swinging and saying he hated me after I had to escort L to his room for a timeout.
This breaks my heart. I don't know how to make a 3 yr old understand. He is the only light in my life somedays and L is very intentionally trying to turn him against me. It's also hard to see him treated so badly by someone he loves very much, L rejects him the majority of the time.
L has taken to following me around the house (when he supposed to be in timeout and stalks out of there just to tell me off). This is scary. There is no control when this happens. I am completely at a loss!!! What do you do when the child will NOT back off or down? I try to ignore him and this is what happens when he is at his most defiant. He stalks me around the house, standing in my way, talking horribly, eyes ablaze with hatred, CHALLENGING ME. What do I do at times like these?
The only thing I can do at these times is call my husband, who may or may not be able to get off of work, but it's still an hour drivetime before he gets home. I am a prisoner in my own home and I can't handle it anymore. I feel like I've tried everything in my power. husband doesn't always agree with me on discipline, is much softer, so this is a huge problem at times and makes me, as a step parent, feel so helpless! I've told him many times that I don't want to be alone with L, but husband makes me feel like dirt for even suggesting childcare for him until husband gets home.
The good news is that I've set up a new therapist for us, as in home family therapy this time. I really hope this is better than the hour of battleship we've been paying for for the past 9 months with his current therapist who provides NO feedback.
L has always been angry. He has a biomom who has only started taking her every other weekend visits regularly for the past couple of years. She is a *recovering* meth addict and it isn't hard to see where L gets alot of his violent behaviors. She makes him lie for her, lies about him to husband, and has him thinking we are "grilling" him so that he will not answer even the simplest inquiry about his weekend. She has filed false child abuse charges on ME, and neglect on my husband, which makes things SO much harder here. Now I am still alone with him very often, and I am scared to touch him or reprimand him some days. Last night he made sure to yell at us that he was going to tell his Mom on us because he was in trouble. This happens often.
L can be very violent and aggressive. He tries to bully us at home, but is a perfect angel in school. He has attacked me more than once physically and constantly hurts my younger son (especially when he thinks no one is looking). Ex: Stabbed E in the hand with a fork because he wouldn't give L one of his chicken nuggets when he was 1 yr old, Pushed E into the coffeetable and chipped his two front teeth when E was just learning to walk, Constantly pushed E down everytime he walked anywhere near him, Kicks him, Punches him, etc, not to mention the overall bullying additude he has towards him everyday. Either L is being very mean to him or trying to win E over when he is in trouble by playing the victim and telling him how horrible we are. He tries to Now my youngest says he hates me and mean things, although he is a very good natured child- he is copying his brother's behaviors. Last night E came at me swinging and saying he hated me after I had to escort L to his room for a timeout.
This breaks my heart. I don't know how to make a 3 yr old understand. He is the only light in my life somedays and L is very intentionally trying to turn him against me. It's also hard to see him treated so badly by someone he loves very much, L rejects him the majority of the time.
L has taken to following me around the house (when he supposed to be in timeout and stalks out of there just to tell me off). This is scary. There is no control when this happens. I am completely at a loss!!! What do you do when the child will NOT back off or down? I try to ignore him and this is what happens when he is at his most defiant. He stalks me around the house, standing in my way, talking horribly, eyes ablaze with hatred, CHALLENGING ME. What do I do at times like these?
The only thing I can do at these times is call my husband, who may or may not be able to get off of work, but it's still an hour drivetime before he gets home. I am a prisoner in my own home and I can't handle it anymore. I feel like I've tried everything in my power. husband doesn't always agree with me on discipline, is much softer, so this is a huge problem at times and makes me, as a step parent, feel so helpless! I've told him many times that I don't want to be alone with L, but husband makes me feel like dirt for even suggesting childcare for him until husband gets home.
The good news is that I've set up a new therapist for us, as in home family therapy this time. I really hope this is better than the hour of battleship we've been paying for for the past 9 months with his current therapist who provides NO feedback.
