On FaceBook, visualise yourself as a cushion for her. Nothing more. She has chosen to live independently, this means she needs to sort out her own problems. Or at least own them. If she asks for help, help her but make it clear - the choice to ask for help is hers. The choice to provide help is yours. This can be revoked by either party at any time, no recriminations.
She will learn, but will learn the hard way.
I was not strictly a difficult child, but I was a very innocent kid, very sheltered (to an extreme level). For practical reasons, I had to leave home at 17. With my parents' cautious blessing. Almost immediately, I had problems. A year later, the problems were a lot bigger. I had to go through it, there was no other path for me. There was a lot I did not ever tell my parents, they would have ben very distressed. I never actually got raped, but there were a number of attempts, including two very scary violent attacks. In one of them I actually had to play dead. It really is scary.
But it made me appreciate my family and the people who loved me. It also made me realise that the rest of the world does not know me and therefore does not really care. I have to make my own mark on the world by myself, stand and fall on my own terms. That realisation also made me appreciate my loved ones all the more.
easy child 2/difficult child 2 is considered by almost all who know her, to be very young. She looks a lot younger than her years and therefore people were horrified when she got married, although she was 23 at the time. I was only 22 when I married, plus I felt confident in her choice and her level of commitment to SIL2. But she now lives an independent life. In fact, she moved in with him at 20.
I see a lot more of her on FB these days than any other way, even though there is no rift between us. However, I am certain there is a lot she is not telling me. We only hear of their dire financial straits when they need to borrow more money. We are helping them out but they know we're keeping a tab and will need to be paid back when they can afford it. As a result, they only ask when it's us, or the bailiffs.
An interesting new development that when you get it, will herald a wonderful new phase in your relationship - easy child 2/difficult child 2 contacted me via FB and asked me to please 'friend' a young friend of hers who needed some urgent advice. I did so, had a long 'chat' via instant message with the girl and since then have posted supportive stuff on other posts by this girl.
I have a rule (please do not laugh, anybody) to not tolerate hateful personal attacks appearing on my FB page. If I see it, regardless of the political or personal stance, I will challenge it. Life is too short for each of us, to waste energy being personally abusive. I try to teach my children the same principles. Now THAT is a work in progress! But if you try to live your life as a loving, caring person and apply this to your now adult offspring, you are off to a good start and setting the pattern for your relationship from this point on.
Marg
