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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 704848" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hi and welcome to the forum.</p><p>I’m trying to get a clearer picture on your situation. I hope you don’t mind if I ask some questions. You said ever since you got there (to California?), he has been difficult.</p><p>· Did you live in Hawaii originally and then move to California 9 years ago, and you are still in California now?</p><p>· When you lived in Hawaii, did your son identify more with the local culture and customs and family there?</p><p>· If this is the case, do you think coming to the mainland was a big culture shock for your son at that difficult teen age transition time where kids need to feel they belong?</p><p>· Did he leave close relatives / friends in Hawaii when you moved to the mainland?</p><p>· Is there anyone else who he looks up to (where you are or in Hawaii) Any uncles, cousins, calabash friends? Anyone else anywhere who has an interest in him?</p><p>· Is he on drugs? I think most folks on the street and homeless have access to drugs.</p><p></p><p>From your description, I get a picture of him as a kid 9 years ago, who likely did not fit into a group when you made the move to the mainland (very different from all his life-style in Hawaii), and since then he acted out his frustrations, etc, and felt angry, defiant (perhaps at you for moving him away from what he was familiar with in Hawaii? who knows?) And now he finds the homeless folks to be friends with, where he feels comfortable and accepted, with others like himself, that he can identify with. because he senses he does not fit in with you and his Auntie. Especially now he is an adult man, and he senses he is not welcome at your home, he knows the pain he is causing you, and that probably makes him feel more guilty with himself and more angry with you and your sister, and angry at himself also.</p><p></p><p>I am very sorry that I have no answers for you about what to do right now. You need to be sure you and your sister are safe in your home. Is it possible for you to have a somewhat peaceful normal conversation with your son, to explain how you feel and that he can get help if he wants it, how he can go to a shelter and apply for their work programs, etc. That you want to encourage and support him to try to get help?</p><p></p><p>[USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] and [USER=18668]@A dad[/USER] made some good suggestions above, advising to inquire how to apply for benefits. That could be a start for him. I’ll be following along. </p><p></p><p>We understand your heartache here. You are not alone. Keep visiting to the forum and read other people's threads also, where we all learn and get encouragement from each other. Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 704848, member: 19617"] Hi and welcome to the forum. I’m trying to get a clearer picture on your situation. I hope you don’t mind if I ask some questions. You said ever since you got there (to California?), he has been difficult. · Did you live in Hawaii originally and then move to California 9 years ago, and you are still in California now? · When you lived in Hawaii, did your son identify more with the local culture and customs and family there? · If this is the case, do you think coming to the mainland was a big culture shock for your son at that difficult teen age transition time where kids need to feel they belong? · Did he leave close relatives / friends in Hawaii when you moved to the mainland? · Is there anyone else who he looks up to (where you are or in Hawaii) Any uncles, cousins, calabash friends? Anyone else anywhere who has an interest in him? · Is he on drugs? I think most folks on the street and homeless have access to drugs. From your description, I get a picture of him as a kid 9 years ago, who likely did not fit into a group when you made the move to the mainland (very different from all his life-style in Hawaii), and since then he acted out his frustrations, etc, and felt angry, defiant (perhaps at you for moving him away from what he was familiar with in Hawaii? who knows?) And now he finds the homeless folks to be friends with, where he feels comfortable and accepted, with others like himself, that he can identify with. because he senses he does not fit in with you and his Auntie. Especially now he is an adult man, and he senses he is not welcome at your home, he knows the pain he is causing you, and that probably makes him feel more guilty with himself and more angry with you and your sister, and angry at himself also. I am very sorry that I have no answers for you about what to do right now. You need to be sure you and your sister are safe in your home. Is it possible for you to have a somewhat peaceful normal conversation with your son, to explain how you feel and that he can get help if he wants it, how he can go to a shelter and apply for their work programs, etc. That you want to encourage and support him to try to get help? [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] and [USER=18668]@A dad[/USER] made some good suggestions above, advising to inquire how to apply for benefits. That could be a start for him. I’ll be following along. We understand your heartache here. You are not alone. Keep visiting to the forum and read other people's threads also, where we all learn and get encouragement from each other. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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