New and Lost

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Still Trying, Jul 25, 2011.

  1. Still Trying

    Still Trying New Member

    I am Brad, a working father, married to Anne, a stay at home mom and former lawyer, with a 6-year old daughter Mindy and a 3-year old son Kaleb. I stumbled on this site using Google and could not find anything directly on point to my problem, though I am afraid I do not understand all of the lingo so maybe I missed something?

    My daughter is happy, healthy, creative (often leads make believe play at home and at school), does well in school and developmentally (physically and mentally) where she should be if not ahead. But - well, she has these violent outbursts. These sometimes involve scratching, hitting, punching but more often just words - words like "I want to cut your head off and drink your blood" and "I want to kill you" or "I am going to kill you." We have known for a while that she has some sensory processing issues, but nothing that has ever convinced us that we should start pursuing the clinical level with doctors. But we are starting to reconsider since it is not getting a lot better.

    A school therapist noticed she gets fidgety with lots of stimulation and will touch her face a lot. The therapist suggested crunchy snacks and jumping rope a lot. Right. A huge help.

    My wife has tried everything and read everything (truly) and is at her wits end. She gets the brunt of it, both physical and words. To me, it feels like she has some impulse control issues and that we can help direct these but that there is nothing to be freaked out about. My wife says we / she has been doing that for almost 7 years and we need help -- more tools -- so we can help my daughter in developing through this.

    So, I just don't even know the right words to talk about this, whether there is a problem here I should be worried about and, if so, what to even do about it. If any of you can help, it would be much appreciated.

    Thank you.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome to the board. It sounds like you found the right place - unfortunately.

    First, if you are using real names, please consider editing your post and changing the names. You found us through Google, others can too. Might not seem like a big deal right now, you you never know what the future holds, and privacy may become a big issue. There is a sticky thread explaining the possible reasons you may want oe be more 'private'. There is also a sticky explaining all the acronyms, but for starters, difficult child is literally gift from God. The term used to describe a difficult child. easy child is perfect child.

    I'm with your wife on this one. These outbursts your child is having are an indication that something is seriously wrong. It could be the sensory issues bothering her, and if they bother her so severely she will just feel gawd awful inside and could be using such language to express how she feels. She is, after all only 6. HOWEVER I'd only be inclined to believe this explanation if she was also exposed to such language or visuals via TV, movies and or computer. Most 6 y/os don't think in such horrific terms unless they've experienced it in some way shape or form. I'm just guessing, but since she is the oldest child, and she's obviously got loving, caring, involved parents, she hasn't been exposed to much inappropriate viewing.

    LOL I could just see it. At the next school assembly (lots of stimulation) your little girls starts jumping rope down the aisles and then sits down to munch on some celery! Yeah, that'll go over very well.

    I say schedule her for a psychological evaluation. neuropsychologist is the most popular recommendation here but is often not covered by insurance and is pretty pricey for self pay. If you can swing it go for it because it is very comprehensive. Most regular psychiatrists/psychologists will take a history and then pretty much a stab in the dark for a diagnosis. THEN you can get into some more detailed evaluations to identify or rule out specific problems. At least that's my experience. Everyone here seems to have traveled a different path.

    Welcome to the board! You've found a great place for support, guidance and insights. :notalone:
  3. Still Trying

    Still Trying New Member

    Thanks for the quick reply. Yes, I used made up names. I did find that sticky before posting. and as for viewing, she really hasn't seen anything other than Nick Jr. and we watch all of that stuff with her when she watches. We've kept her away from Harry Potter and other movies that a lot of her friends are watching just because we think a 6/7 year old should not be watching this stuff.

    As for where she comes up with this stuff, it is amazing the things that she thinks of. Many of her creative exploits are mild mannered games she makes up for her brother and her friends. That's my best guess. She has, somehow, befriended the "mean girl" at school so maybe some of the language comes from that girl . . . but the outbursts are all her own.

    What is neuropsychologist?
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    neuropsychologist is neuropsychologist.

    "mean girl"? Possible, but even the 'mean' 6 and 7 y/os I've come across don't use the types of expressions you had posted. And as you said, the outbursts are her own.

    In my opinion (in my opinion) those outbursts (and associated language) come from the same place (in the brain) as her creativity. I'm not a Dr, but a "Mom researcher" and I see that with my own DD1. She used to be the most fantastic liar!. Fortunately I was able to 'break' her of the lying and turn her into a fantastic storyteller. As she gets older, her stories get darker and more sinister. Fortunately again, she is also an avid reader, so I've steered her towards age appropriate spooky/scary books and she is now learning to 'temper' her stories into an acceptable medium. That doesn't change the fact that she has thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere and truly are sinister and scary. Often too scary for her to share. Until recently she didn't share these thoughts via outbursts - she would internalize them.

    Your wife and daughter need serious professional help. I wish I could point you to a suspected diagnosis (diagnosis). We cannot and do not diagnosis but offer direction to dxes based on our personal experiences and gut instinct from what gets posted.

    I can get you started with your suspicions of sensory issues. Research Sensory Integration Disorder. And while that can result in some tremendous outbursts, my gut is telling me that that's not the entire story because if you suspected sensory issues, and minimized their exposure and effect, there would have been a drastic decrease in outbursts. After that, you might want to research all the most popular dxes on this board. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD/ADD, anxiety, bipolar, depression, mood disorders, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified. See if you little girl fits or even kind of fits any of the symptoms lists. That will educate both of you about what's 'out there' and also give you a starting point when seeking evaluations and assistance.
  5. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    The CPS - collaborative problem solving approach sees her ' looking bad' due to demands placed on her outstrip the cognitive skills she has. To address the missing skills we need to solve the outsatanding problems in the context of her concerns and those of her care givers. The way to go is to first go through the ALsup list = the list of assessed lacking skills and unsolved problems or Thinking skills inventory as a guide

    and then to start journalizing problems/ situational analysis and then choose one or two problems to work on using cps.

    Ross Greene feels that we need to go beyond Diagnoses as they have a very limited use
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board - various well-seasoned parents will pop up, you'll see, as you work through this...

    You're definitely due for some professional evaluations, on multiple fronts. If you know she has sensory issues, has the ever been tested for these? If not, an Occupational Therapist (OT) would be a good place to start. So often, things that seem minor are causing the child more issues than what we see - and not dealing with it effectively may be part of the problem. But first you have to define the problem...

    Oh, yes, and it probably won't be just one problem. Most of us around here are in the A + B + c47 + xxx mode... whatever labels and dxes it takes to get the right interventions... so, you are probably looking at more than one evaluation.

    You might also want to start a Parent Report - see Site Resources. It will help you pull together all the history information and family observations - you're going to need them for various evaluators now and into the future. This format just helps organize info you're going to need anyway.