I am reading all the posts and crying... finally ... people who have all been there.. My difficult child 18 daughter was never a problem.. she was awesome until she turned 15 and started doing poorly in the public school system. Up until then she has been in private school, played soccer, rode competetively. She was diagnosed severly ADD/ADHD, but she refused to take her medicine. By 16 she had been on multiple drugs, lost her virginity, and lied constantly. Long story short, she started getting it together got on ADD medication's and was making all, A's, the school had a drug sniff and found marijuana "residue" in her car, she was expelled for a year. Good old zero tolerenance.... I spent 26,000 to have her finish 11th grade after she went into a deep depression, ran away from home, was beat up by a controlling guy friend (not boyfreind). I with the help of the police found her and brought her home and put her in a closed school system 9-2pm that had therapy daily. She was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, Depression, Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) with tendancies toward Borderline (BPD). They recommended her going on to a Therapeutic Boarding School.. Instead I sent her to Anasazi, a 6 week camp in Mesa AZ, another 24,000... there went all of my savings. She came out a changed person, for a while, that is until her first failure. I moved from MS to CA to "change" her setting and give her a fresh start. She was great, she begged to go back to private school, so I borrowed 12,000 and put her in for her senior year. Her first indiscretion (sneaking in a bottle of alcohol to the dance) got her a 3 day suspension and boom... she quit school, she was a failure!!..omg...I tried to make her go back (her 18th b-day was less than 30 days away) and so she ran away. After she ran away twice, I packed her bags the third time and left them outside. She lost all her "good" friends who begged her to stay in school and come home. She stole from the people she was staying with and got caught with crack. She has an oustanding ticket for underaged smoking that she has still not shown up for court for (2 court dates missed). She came home the week before her 18th birthday and then 4 days after she turned 18 she sent me a text saying she was on an airplane back to MS. That was Nov 2 2008. I have not seen her since. We talk occasionally. She has lived in so many places since then that I could not count them all. From one friend to another, from one boyfriend to another. She lived with a guy that had a meth lab in a back room and he hung her from a tree out back. She would be dead if someone had not driven by and seen it happening and stopped and cut her down. Then she started living with a 35 year old man who has been in the peniteniary for 10 years and was recently released. She was with him 3 weeks until she showed up at my best friends house beat up and no where to go. That was two weeks ago. She is now living with other friends and has a new boyfriend who is a schizophrenic who goes to treatment. - oh also during this time she was going out to visit her grandparents (my parents), we thought this was good until she stole all of the money out of my fathers wallet one morning before she left $305.00. He had to threaten to put her in jail before she gave it back. She never apologized, and has not tried to repair the relationship. She says he told her not to come back with her facial peircings in and she says she got angry about that because it would be weeks before they could be removed (they were new) so she took the money. She says she is sorry and wants to call him but says she is not sure she can make herself. NOTE! in all this time she has never asked for help or to come home. I have not tried to rescue her, I havae offered her the opportunity to come home but she always says she is happy with her choices and would not change them. When I went to MS at Christmas she would not see me at all (later she told me she had been beat up by the meth lab guy and did not want her family to see her like that) DELIMA! she just called and asked if I would pay for her a bus ticket back out here to CA. And she wants her and her new boyfriend and her puppy to come live with me and my SO (military no children). They want to stay with us until they have enough money to get out on their own. I was shocked. No words like.. "i am sorry, for what i have put you through".. "please help me, i want to change my life".. just "when can you buy me a ticket?" I want her to change her life so much, she is so young and I am just not sure if I should help at all. I no longer have the financial means to help very much due to all of the rescueing, before she turned 18. I dont know where I am going with my SO at this time. He is my best friend, but I am not sure we were meant to be partners in life, but that is another issue! I dont want to rescue but I dont want to turn my back on her. I welcome all of the wisdom that all of you have to offer and I feel your pain. I have almost lost my mental health with all of the self blame and "fixing" I have tried to do for the last 3 years. I have also learned a lot. I still dont know what I am going to do with my life but I am not going to spend it fixing hers. But I am a Mom and want to help if I can as long as it is not at my own expense (mentally). I can afford to bus her out here.. I just dont know if I should. Part of me wants to bless her out and leave her to her bad choices, the other part just wants to hold her and tell her I love her and see her again and make everything better, like Moms do! I have read this story over and over out here.. but I want my ending to be different...somehow.... and the truth is, it terrifies me to think of her coming out here... I have daymares about how bad it could be! Will that sweet girl I raised who was going to college to be a doctor, and who had 3 scholarships in soccer, ever come back?... I read what STAR wrote about being too detached... and everything she says is how I feel.. thanks .. it made me know I am not alone... Rhonda - a disaster in the making???