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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 745862" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>LJ your journey is one that is all too familiar for many of us. You have made every attempt to help him. I agree with you that it Ike for him to stand on his own. He is no longer a child. The more you continue to do for him, the less he will do on his own. </p><p></p><p>He sounds like he is very depressed, and I hope he decides he is willing to get help. Unfortunately, as you’ve noted, we can’t force them to do this once they are 18. It is out of our hands. </p><p></p><p>Has he ever been prescribed antidepressants? Would he be willing to consider them? The hard thing about depression is that it saps your motivation to do the things that would make it better - see a psychiatrist, take the medications, get some exercise, follow a treatment plan. The choices he is making - smoking dope and sitting around playing video games, are likely making things worse. But of course they don’t see it that way. They don’t recognize that the things that make them feel better in the moment are just pulling them further down in the long run. </p><p></p><p>But no matter what his mental health problems may be, you are absolutely right to hold him accountable while he is under your roof and expect that he will take steps towards independence. Enabling him, or cushioning the pain of his mistakes, will not help. I can’t promise you that he will get better once he is out on his own and responsible for himself, but I can pretty much guarantee nothing will change as long as you are propping him up at home. He no reason to change as things are. And he is making everyone else in the house miserable while he is there. </p><p></p><p>You deserve peace in your home. And he is an adult who will have to learn to be responsible for himself, the sooner the better. This cant go on until he is 30, or 40. And it will, unless you force a change. </p><p></p><p>Stay strong. I think you are on the right path.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 745862, member: 23349"] LJ your journey is one that is all too familiar for many of us. You have made every attempt to help him. I agree with you that it Ike for him to stand on his own. He is no longer a child. The more you continue to do for him, the less he will do on his own. He sounds like he is very depressed, and I hope he decides he is willing to get help. Unfortunately, as you’ve noted, we can’t force them to do this once they are 18. It is out of our hands. Has he ever been prescribed antidepressants? Would he be willing to consider them? The hard thing about depression is that it saps your motivation to do the things that would make it better - see a psychiatrist, take the medications, get some exercise, follow a treatment plan. The choices he is making - smoking dope and sitting around playing video games, are likely making things worse. But of course they don’t see it that way. They don’t recognize that the things that make them feel better in the moment are just pulling them further down in the long run. But no matter what his mental health problems may be, you are absolutely right to hold him accountable while he is under your roof and expect that he will take steps towards independence. Enabling him, or cushioning the pain of his mistakes, will not help. I can’t promise you that he will get better once he is out on his own and responsible for himself, but I can pretty much guarantee nothing will change as long as you are propping him up at home. He no reason to change as things are. And he is making everyone else in the house miserable while he is there. You deserve peace in your home. And he is an adult who will have to learn to be responsible for himself, the sooner the better. This cant go on until he is 30, or 40. And it will, unless you force a change. Stay strong. I think you are on the right path. [/QUOTE]
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