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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 745985" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi OZ, thank you for sharing and reaching out to us. I'm glad you are here.</p><p>We by no means have all the answers but what we do have is years of experience in dealing with a difficult adult child.</p><p>I'm glad your story was so detailed, it helps us to get a good picture of what's going on.</p><p>There is no rhyme or reason as to why our kids choose to go off on a path of dysfunction. Please know that it's nothing you did or didn't do. Our adult children would rather place blame on us for their lives being a mess rather than own the responsibility of their poor choices.</p><p>I think you and your husband have been extremely patient with your son and have offered him good advice.</p><p>For some, smoking pot can ease their anxiety while for others it can bring on depression. It's too bad that he's not willing to continue seeing a therapist. Is it possible he's using more than just pot?</p><p>I don't know how it works in Australia but here in the USA if someone talks about harming themselves you can call 911 (emergency) and report it and they will send someone to pick the person up and take them to the hospital where they can be held for 72 hours and evaluated.</p><p>I think all threats of suicide need to be taken seriously but I also know that many difficult adult children will use the "threat" to get what they want. They will use our fear of them dying to manipulate us into giving in to their demands.</p><p>I'm glad that you and your husband have a plan. The best advice I can offer is to make sure you have very clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept in your home. You also need to have a very clear consequence. You have to follow through with whatever it is you tell him. If you tell him he has six months to find another place to live, you need to actually have a date. Be clear about what will happen if that date comes and he is not out. </p><p>I would also suggest one of the conditions of him living in your home is that he has to see a therapist. </p><p></p><p>This is not an easy journey. I know you love your son but please don't become so consumed with his issues that your other two sons do not get the attention they need.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 745985, member: 18516"] Hi OZ, thank you for sharing and reaching out to us. I'm glad you are here. We by no means have all the answers but what we do have is years of experience in dealing with a difficult adult child. I'm glad your story was so detailed, it helps us to get a good picture of what's going on. There is no rhyme or reason as to why our kids choose to go off on a path of dysfunction. Please know that it's nothing you did or didn't do. Our adult children would rather place blame on us for their lives being a mess rather than own the responsibility of their poor choices. I think you and your husband have been extremely patient with your son and have offered him good advice. For some, smoking pot can ease their anxiety while for others it can bring on depression. It's too bad that he's not willing to continue seeing a therapist. Is it possible he's using more than just pot? I don't know how it works in Australia but here in the USA if someone talks about harming themselves you can call 911 (emergency) and report it and they will send someone to pick the person up and take them to the hospital where they can be held for 72 hours and evaluated. I think all threats of suicide need to be taken seriously but I also know that many difficult adult children will use the "threat" to get what they want. They will use our fear of them dying to manipulate us into giving in to their demands. I'm glad that you and your husband have a plan. The best advice I can offer is to make sure you have very clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept in your home. You also need to have a very clear consequence. You have to follow through with whatever it is you tell him. If you tell him he has six months to find another place to live, you need to actually have a date. Be clear about what will happen if that date comes and he is not out. I would also suggest one of the conditions of him living in your home is that he has to see a therapist. This is not an easy journey. I know you love your son but please don't become so consumed with his issues that your other two sons do not get the attention they need. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. [/QUOTE]
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