New and not sure what to do.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jacksgrl04, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. jacksgrl04

    jacksgrl04 New Member

    Hi, I'm a mom of 3 kids. 6 year old boy, 4 year old girl and 13 month old boy. I'm a stay at home mom and for the last month i have had a very hard time with my oldest. He is a wonderful student in first grade. He is smart, nice, has a lot of friends and has always been very very sweet. His whole life he has had a loving disposition and has gone out of his way to be kind to everyone.
    However as i said the last month he has been a monster! He comes home from school and is so mean. He hits his dad and i, tells us he hates us, that we are horrible parents. He says things sometimes and I cant even imagine where he gets it from. It all starts over him having to do his homework or not being able to do somethign he wants to do. He will throw things and mostly just say the most terrible things imaginable. After the "storm" he feels very bad and cries. He apologizes and I can tell he is sorry.
    I dont know how to stop the initial behaviour though. We try time outs, rewarding the good things. taking away the bad things. writing sentences, choosing the punishment. I have ignored him when he acts out and sometimes that works a little but he keeps going with the mean words. I read a book about "spirited" children and he fits the bill, but I'm at a loss for what to do. I was told by some other parents that this age is difficult because the kids are trying to find themselves and establish a little independance, but I dont think this is what they mean. Please help.
  2. AHF

    AHF Member

    Hi and welcome. I am new here too and mostly on the "emeritus" forum. My older son is 23 now. I can remember his hitting me when he was 6, 7, 8. And I worried about him and gave him time-outs etc. Now I wish I had taken the behavior much more seriously. He is not a physical abuser, but he is abusive--he's tall and strong and uses his physical presence to intimidate people, especially women, sometimes me. It is a trait that will cause him problems all his life, not to mention the hurt and pain it will cause to those who love him. So I am not saying to take him to a psychiatrist, at least not yet, but I would treat the physical violence as a no-tolerance zone, with very severe consequences from the first swipe. THEN you can get to talking about whatever issues he's having at school, how the new challenges are scaring him etc.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Jacksgrl! Welcome to our little corner of the internet! From what you're saying, he's never shown any type of "off" behavior? Hmmm, this is different - can there have been anything different for him at home or at school? Has a teacher gone out on maturnity leave, staff changes - could there be a bully in the class that's been picking on him?

    The reason I ask is that it's unusual for kids to just "turn" - it's usually associated (in typical children) with some type of traumatic event.

    Personally, I'd contact the teacher and see if he's displaying these same behaviors in the classroom. If so, I'd ask her/him to keep a log of when they happen. He could be having problems with a particular subject. Little kids in kindergarten often times feel "stupid" if they don't grasp a concept that everyone else seems to have gotten.

    Again, welcome to the group - lots of experience here and lots of shoulders to lean on!

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was thinking there has been some sort of event that triggered this, too.

    Has he been sick recently? Seriously, the littlest thing can turn a kid and if you can find the source, you can start to help him.
    Had any work done on the house? Changed detergents? Started a new type of food or drink?
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you evaluated him since this started?

    Welcome to our safe haven :)