New and Unsure of What to Do

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Curlandra, Aug 25, 2011.

  1. Curlandra

    Curlandra New Member

    Hi! I just stumbled upon your forum through google, and thought that maybe you all could offer some insight. Here is some background. I have a 2 year old boy (turned 2 at the end of June). I KNOW this is a bit young to worry about things, but...he is VERY impulsive. His big thing is throwing. He throws everything at people and not at people. Blocks, cars, pillows, diapers, clothes, etc. We were in a playgroup and he had been asked to leave because people thought he was becoming overly aggressive and they had issues with him throwing. We do timeouts and if he throws again we leave where ever we are or the thing gets taken away. He seems to know that he is not supposed to throw but does so like he truely cannot help it.

    He plays well with kids most of the time, but when they are about his size, he has a tendency to push and shove them. He hits when he wants attention or does not like what you are doing. For example, I get hit if I have to use the bathroom. I realize that at this age, most kids struggle with impulsivity, but when is it more than "normal 2 year old boy" behavior? He can be the sweetest kid in the world and will listen if he is calm. I always praise him when he listens and does what he is told. I also found that he does much better playing one on one then with several other kids. His language is great and he is smart (can already read the alphabet, knows all colors and can count to 20) so he is not developmentally behind.

    I worry because his dad, my husband, had a lot of issues as a child. His parents never treated him and just enrolled him in every sport imaginable to keep him active and out of the house. My husband exhibits many symptoms of ODD and is medicated for depression. I know that some of these issues can be genetic. What would you do?
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome to the board!

    Yeah, it is early to identify much, but you have already realized that it's not within the scope of "normal", so you are definitely off to a good start. The sooner interventions start, generally the better the outlook.

    I hate to break it to you, but 'smarts' - alphabet, colors and numbers don't mean much as far as development. My son was the same way and I thought he was a genius! I still do, and truly he does have a high IQ but he was still considered delayed because his learning was fragmented. At 4, mine knew all his states and his capitols, and could identify them on a blank map, but didn't know the difference between wood, glass, plastic and metal items - apparently he was supposed to know THAT.

    So, noisy, busy, populated situations are more difficult for him than quieter one on one situations. Sensory issues could be at play here. How does he deal with public bathrooms? The echo, loud flushes and loud had dryers are a "good" test to see if noise is a particular issue for him. All 3 of my kids has extended problems in public restrooms, but no problem in the home bathroom. They ALL have problems with loud noises and busy noises (like in an auditorium or gym). Only one has an identifiable diagnosis (Asperger's) that can include such problems.

    You've tried time outs and taking away, and it's not working. Try redirecting. Remind him to use his words. Ask him to try and identify what he's feeling - super tough with a 2 y/o but it's practice for you as well as for him.

    The first earliest thing doctors are screening for these days is Autism Spectrum Disorders (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) Ask your pediatrician. If he/she doesn't have the knowledge ask for a referral. Most school districts also have early intervention evaluations and support. You can ask there for help.

    Is the medication helping? Can you elaborate on his symptoms/behaviors? What field of work is he in? (believe it or not it is relevant) Because yes, depression and many other issues do have a very genetic component.

    Welcome again! You've found a great place for support, guidance and insights.
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    If I were you, I would have him evaluated trough early intervention (age 0 to 3). Your doctor or the school can give you their phone number.
    But unless he has some HUGE delays, they probably won't do much. 2 is very young.
    I've always known my difficult child was different, and that from birth. He is now 4 and although everyone agrees something is off... it seems like it is more of a "wait and see" approach. I have been told that at that age there is no "norm" and therefore hard to test. Unless the delay is significant in some areas (speech, motor skills, self help....)
    Welcome on board! Read the post and if you can start observing and finding your child's triggers. (noisy environments, sensitive to clothes, texture of food, can he use words to express his feelings/needs...)
  4. Curlandra

    Curlandra New Member

    He actually loves noise and echos. He thinks it's cool. He has started noticing little noises (like a siren or someone hammering) and will stop and say "Mama, noise. Listen." But it never seems to bother him.

    As for my husband...he blames his mistakes or misfortunes on everyone but himself. He does behaviors (like randomly hitting a wall, not punching it, just hitting it without purpose) that I ask him not to do because my son mimics him. When he gets mad he won't speak. He is always tired. He had suicidal thoughts. His mood was all over the map. There is more, just can't think of it right now. He has been on a couple different medications and he is doing much better. He is much more even keeled but still pretty anti-social. He is a computer programmer and really good with numbers. Bad with words. He also has mild dyslexia.

    I was thinking of waiting until my son goes in for his next well-visit in December to bring it up to the pediatrician. Do you all think that is too late. I figured that we might be able to learn some different parenting skills in the meantime to see if we could find something effective. Redirection does work sometimes, other times it results in him falling on the floor in a dead weight heap.

    One specific trigger I did discover was one boy who was in our old playgroup. His behavior was always 10,000 times worse around that child. He also seems to need to be constantly active (like his dad). I don't have a problem with that, but I just don't want to shove him in sports and hope he works it out.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Well, it's certainly not normal, BUT it IS better than a tantrum, right? I'd stick with redirection any maybe other techniques you might find that work to keep him calmer and get the response you're looking for - him making the connection that X is NOT OK when Y happens. If there are any noises he particularly likes, you can use those as part of redirection, distraction. "Son, noise, listen" It may soothe him out of his "dead weight heap"

    Techie. YUP. It is a fabulous field for "issues". Just fits well will the high brain power and low social skills that are associated with a myriad of dxes. And I hope your husband heeds your cautions because ALL kids will mimic their parents. husband and I used to talk like truck drivers until the day son finally spoke his third word - it wasn't pretty. We just looked at each other and silently vowed to stop with the "language"

    Hmmm a specific boy triggered him? Was there anything you remember that was different about him? Skin color, hair color, glasses, odors, overall attitude/behavior? It's in the past, but if you notice general triggers, try to then find the specific triggers. That will make it easier to identify/avoid them in entirely unrelated situations

    Waiting until December, isn't the end of the world, but the sooner you get some issues identified the sooner you can get real help. But, just as you've found us, you can find other information as well. Since you are hunting for info, what's the harm in checking with the pediatrician sooner or contacting early intervention?
  6. Curlandra

    Curlandra New Member

    Thank you for your input. :)