RE I had a chance to attempt to sit down tonight with Tony and have a short talk with him about a few things. Things got off on a rocky foot for awhile. I attempted to explain detachment and he really didnt understand the concept at all because he thought it meant severing the relationship and not speaking or seeing the person hardly at all sorta like he is with his sister but I said that is more of a healthy relationship because they can see each other when they want, talk on the phone from time to time but they dont expect to be supported by each other so they have a healthy detachment from each other. Also we have a healthy detachment from our son Jamie. We love him to death but we arent worried about being inside their every decision in their lives. We dont have to call them everyday to make sure they are okay and make sure he goes to work and pays his bills. We assume he is doing okay. If he doesnt, its on him. Unhealthy detachment is when you have to be so enmeshed with someone that you have to fix someone else's life because you feel they arent able to without you. You are not allowing them to hit their bottom so that they have to work to figure out how to come up. He doesnt like this. He also doesnt like the fact that I have figured out that he has forced me into the role of caretaker. It was easy for me to fall into that role because I had just gone out of being the mom. However, by being the caretaker it makes me into the mother who wants to set rules and set punishments when my charge doesnt do what I want him to do. Then I get very angry. Tony doesnt get angry because he has put me in the role of the caretaker so he can just set back and feel good about being the good guy who is helping his brother in everyone's eyes. Its a sick cycle between the two of us and Buck is reaping the benefits of all of this by doing nothing while we fight it out. I told Buck to go look for a job today. I doubt he did because he left while I was at the store and he hasnt come home as of now....1 am. This is the latest he has ever been out. Prior to this it was 11:45. Personally I think if he can find somewhere to stay overnight then he should just move there but Im sure Tony wont agree with me. I told Tony tonight that now I dont want to be the caretaker because I dont want to get into the cycle of being angry anymore but he said if that happens then Buck will just stay here forever because neither one of them are capable of doing what I am doing. Sigh. I dont know what to do. Maybe he wont come home. I hate to think something could have happened to him but I know it could at anytime. He is not taking his medications the way he is supposed to because I can tell by his pill bottles. There are way too many pills in his blood pressure medications and cholesteral medication bottles. I have never found a bottle that actually shows that he has been prescribed pain medications which makes me wonder if he has been buying pain medications all along. If that is the case, who knows what he is buying. I know he was in the hospital just over a month and a half ago for bleeding into his stomach with ulcers from taking too many advil type medicines and I know he is still doing that plus he isnt taking any of his stomach medications and he is eating foods that are very spicy. Ugh...he just came in. Headed straight for the fridge. I said "your hungry? You mean you have been out all this time at someone's house and they didnt feed you?" He said oh I was at the Indian Authority and they were trying to figure out how to get me a paycheck and kept going around in circles. Nothing he was saying made sense. Somehow kids from Wake Forest got into the mix and we arent anywhere near Wake Forest. I said something about didnt they need his birth certificate and then it wasnt anything to do with the Indian tribe. It simply didnt make sense. He was shaking like a leaf. He had to be on something. He said something at the end when I said, these places were open till 1 am? Oh no, I was at some boys house for awhile. Yeah some druggies house I bet. When I am around him I get a headache. Sure sign. Oh and the place I sent him to apply today, they werent taking applications..lol. Guess that sign is for decoration. I will call them tomorrow.