New, but glad I found you all!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tmay, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. tmay

    tmay New Member

    Hi, I was just recommended to this site and I am glad I was. My son is 10 and to date has not been diagnosed with anything. His main issue is anger, but only at home. He has never had behavioral issues at school or anywhere else besides home. For the last 6 months he has been violent, disstuctive, and abusive to our home and to my husband and I when he doesn't get his way. We have had him in counseling and he has recently had a 5 day hospital stay because we could not control him. He came home from the hospital swearing it will never happen again. That lasted less than a week. We have not been able to go to the psychiatrist until next week because it has taken so long to get in and the ones at the hospital were useless.
    It is so frustrating because he can be just fine until things are not his way then it is WWIII. Also he has showed that he is able to control it when he wants to. I know we don't deal with the things that most of you all do but it is nice to have a place to come and vent. Thanks!
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

    Sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us help you.

    Was your son given a diagnosis when discharged from the hospital?
    Did he have any testing in the hospital?
    Was he started on any medications?
    Were you given a discharge plan?
    Any mental health issues or substance absue in the family tree?

    I recommend getting your hands on a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us on this board parent our extra-challenging children.

    Again, welcome.
  3. Just wanted to say welcome. Others with more experience will be along.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us.
  5. tmay

    tmay New Member

    Thanks for the welcome. I don't mind answering your questions, anything that will help.

    Was your son given a diagnosis when discharged from the hospital?
    Unfortunately, I was not given much info from the hospital and what I was given I had to ask for. I never got to talk to the dr., when I asked they said he is really hard to track down. The nurse said my son"
    s chart said mood disorder non specific. What was so frustrating about his stay at the hospital is he never acted up once, he was a perfect gentleman.

    Did he have any testing in the hospital?
    They did some routine blood work and general assesements but as far as I know that is all. We go to his counselor today who has all the records so I will ask her more specifically.

    Was he started on any medications?
    He was started on Respirdal and has had the dose upped twice but still doesn't seem to be effective.

    Were you given a discharge plan?
    No, when they discharged him they asked him what got him there and what he will do when he goes home and told us to follow up with our current psychiatrist (which we have yet to see) and our counselor. It lasted all of about 10 minutes.

    Any mental health issues or substance absue in the family tree?
    I had post partum depression with both he and his brother and am currently taken medications for dysthymia. No substance abuse. I have always had a quick temper and I got it from my dad but never to the extent that my son shows.

    I recommend getting your hands on a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us on this board parent our extra-challenging children.
    I have read this book along with countless others. (I'm a big reader) He has always been a strong willed child, hard to sooth as a baby, but otherwise fairly normal as other kids go.

    Again, welcome.[/quote]
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome to the board. You have found a soft place to land.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a few additional questions that could help us. And you may want to do a signature like I did below
    Frankly, it doesn't like the hospital was that helpful. Believe it or not, it's not uncommon to take your kid out of the hospital and wonder if it even did any good. I recommend a total evaluation from a neuropsychologist. They test far more intesively than any other professional and cut into both psychiatric and neurological problems. Obviously, something is not right with you son and I know you want to know what it is.
    Now for the questions:
    1/How was his early development? Speech? Eye contact? Cuddling? Would he make eye contact with strangers and let them interact with him? Could he interact appropriately with his peers? Can he now? Any strange behaviors, such as hand flapping or head banging or sensitivities to food, sound, light, fabric or certain foods? Can he transition from one activity to another without much anxiety? Is he inflexible, almost frightened when things change? How are his current social skills. Does he seem "out of it" at times and not able to "get it?" Does he understand social cues and life skills? Does he have close friends?

    2/ Did ANYONE in his family tree on EITHER side have any psychiatric disorders (this includes his bio. dad's side). You did have some mood issues. Post-partum counts. Any alcohol abuse? Suicide attempts? "Funny" uncles that were just never diagnosed?

    A neurologist test, or the physical tests they did the the hospital, is NOTHING like a neuropsychologist evaluation and that is my very first, second and last recommendation. It sounds like everyone is missing the boat on your child and that everyone is at wit's end and very frustrated. in my opinion time to try something new to see if the problem can be nailed down, thus the real help begin. It may require interventions rather than medications--or both.
    Good luck!
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi, welcome.

    So sorry the hospital stay was a dud. Very aggravating and unprofessional that they couldn't give you the records and more info. You really have to be your own advocate.

    I don't know how long it takes risperdal to take effect so I can't help you there.

    When you say your son was difficult to soothe as a baby, do you mean he cried inconsolably, or that he didn't want you to touch him at all, or both?

    So sorry. Glad you found us though.
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome! I hope the psychiatrist has more tools for you. Maybe a different hospital? Make sure the psychiatrist knows how disappointed you are with the hospital's lack of communication with you.

    If you find that your difficult child has a habit of manipulating situations to his advantage, (or his anger is because he tries but is unable to) you may want to read the Manipulative Child book. As many books, it does not fit everyone's situation but has some information that may help even if you choose not to implement it's suggestions.

    My kids (especially easy child) are manipulators. I know I contributed because I have always sent the message that if you can figure out how to do it go ahead. And as with everything, they took advantage of that also and started using it in areas that they shouldn't. I fell too easily into it.

    easy child has strong anger issues with me. She hates me to no end but I am the only person I know that she expresses anger toward. I haven't seen difficult child's anger lately but probably will once school starts - he tends to get angry at teachers over school work. I would rather have them angry with me and show respect to teachers and all others.

    Keep us informed as to how things are going. Stay calm always - don't let difficult child pull/push you into your emotions. Stay focused on the issue at hand.
  10. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    welcome :O)

    I am not sure what your state provides, but I know having an in-home therapist for biht my boys has helped alot! The therapist is in the home enviroment and my youngest's has been with us over a year, so she's seen 1st hand, how his behavior changes.

    I would just call your local child welfare office and explain that you have a child who was just recently hospitalized for a behavior disorder and ask if they have any resources or contacts that can assist you with his care.
  11. tmay

    tmay New Member

    Hi, sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Sometimes I am just trying to survive each day.

    As far as him not being able to soothe when he was a baby, he was just hard to figure out. I don't remember him crying inconsolabley. I thought he was hungry so I gave him his bottle and he would be content for an ounce or so then he was crying again. He was hard to get to sleep and stay asleep. As he got to be a year old and older he was never like my younger son who would wake up and play in his crib for a while content. He always had to be entertained. He never took long naps, only cat naps.
    As far as his developement, he was an average child and still is. He has friends and is well liked. He gets along with most kids and adults alike. He has good social skills and never seems out of it or doesn't get it. He's kind of a picky eater but not unusual. As a toddler and small child he would sometimes have a tantrum over not getting to do something or get something or having to stop doing something but I attribute that to his strong will to have his way. He wants what he wants and doesn't think we should get in the way of that.
    The only family history is what I have already stated to my knowledge.
    I have not read the Manipulative Child yet, probably the only one I haven't read yet, but it sounds like it is worth a try.
    We went to the psychiatric doctor yesterday and about the only thing he offered was a change of medications. He said Risperdal didn't seem to be working for him and he thought Clonidine would work better for him so we are starting that today. He said he was putting him in the ODD catagory only because he doesn't have a better one for him. But he doesn't feel like he is at all a classic case. He wants us to continue working with his therapist and ours and come back in 2 months. If things get worse call him.
    I am not sure what to think. I am willing to try the new medication. The doctor feels like he just needs the medication until he and we learn to deal better with his anger then he can be weened off. I am frustrated but I am hopeful and that is all I feel I can be.
    Thanks for all your well wishes and for listening.
  12. tmay

    tmay New Member

    Well, last night was another bad night. It seems like once a week he has to have one of his fits. Just after I finished typing on here yesterday I started making dinner and he was suppose to be home but he came home late and was not where he said he was going to be. He just ran in the door and said, "Sorry" and ran off towards his room. I stopped him and said since he didn't come home on time he needed to stay in for the rest of the night and no friends could come over. (This was the same for his brother who was also late coming home but he just pouted for a few minutes and went to do his homework) He yelled that he tried to be home on time then he stormed off to his room and began to destroy it. My husband who had just come home from work a couple minutes before this gave him a couple of minutes then went in and told him if he wanted to hit things he needed to go out to the punching bag. We bought this at our therapist recommendation for this very reason. He started screaming and yelling at my husband and ended up with my husband having to restain him to keep him from running out of the house and to keep my son from hitting and kicking him. I called my pastor and his wife who used to be an in home therapist and they came over and eventually got him calmed down. She said she is worried that something is going to happen on accident because he is so violent and it is going to end up coming back on us. If my younger son is taken away from me I will lose it. He has already told the hopsital how I "hurt" him and he called 911 last week. If he continues I would think they would be forced to start investigating. She said she didn't want to override what my son's therapist is doing but she thought we needed to decide what we are willing for our family to live with. I am willing to give the new medication a try but we need to know what to do until it starts working and I feel like we have not gotten alot of help thus far from the therapist and psychiatrist. My son goes in with a halo over his head and I feel like they have no idea the extent of what we go through when he does this. Like maybe the are not taking us that seriously. He can be just fine until you tell him no and then he explodes. I don't get it.

    I feel so guilty when I hear people talk about how their kids mean the world to them and they live for their kids. I don't feel this way about my oldest son. I do love him but I really don't like him. I am angry that he is putting our family through this and all I can think about is how much longer we have until we are legally free from dealing with him. I am so ashamed. I want nothing more to have what feels like a normal family life again. When will it end?
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Right off the bat CUTE DOG! ( love dogs!)
    Next: I didn't have time to read all the responses, so please excuse me (I hope) if I repeat something somebody else said.
    Is there any psychiatric or substance abuse problems on bio. dad's side of the family? Genetically that is as important as you. And the post partum CAN mean your son is more prone to a mood disorder (it sounds like it could be something l ike early onset bipolar, but you need more testing in my opinion).
    First of all, I was sort of like your son as a child, not as violent, but certainly I raged and I could go long times in between rages. They WERE triggered by things like being told "no" or just perceived slights or almost anything when I was unstable so I don't know if I believe he can control it. When it was time for me to rage, I just couldn't stop it and any little thing could set it off, and I'd feel horrible afterward--crazy and bad and even suicidal. I don't believe kids go to this extreme to get their's just not "normal" meaning something more is going on than just willful disobedience. Plus it is common for kids (at least before they get worse) to be able to hold their anger in, say, during school--but then it was so hard to do that that they just ERUPT at home, where they feel the safest and know they are loved. Seems unfair, but it happens.
    If you have gotten an alphabet soup of diagnosis., that means nobody knows what is wrong. Rather than give him medications that nobody knows if they'll help or not, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist for that sort of uber-intensive evaluation that you won't get even in a hospital. That's what finally did it for MY complicated little guy. He's been doing great since, although he's not little anymore. What a difference the right diagnosis. makes! I'd especially be leery of catch-all diagnosis. such as ODD (which rarely stands alone) and CD (which is really for kids over 18). Good luck.
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2008
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    tmay, so sorry about your rough wk.
    It's nice that you were able to call your pastor and wife to help out. She sounds like she's had some experience.
    I would be disheartened by the idea that a dr just prescribed something to try it out, like it's a shot in the dark.
    I've got my fingers crossed for you.