New Grandbaby is here

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DaisyC1234, Nov 12, 2019.

  1. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    The new grandbaby has arrived....a girl. Beautiful and healthy thank goodness. She is almost 2 weeks old now.

    My daughter has decided to go back to work after about a week after having the baby, which she needs to because she needs the money since she hasn't worked in well over a month or two. She made her rent this month, but did ask me for $200, and said I could use her EBT card as payback. I said keep your EBT card and I'll give you $100 a gift as that's what I would have probably spent on the baby anyway, well I ended up spending another $100 on the baby as she really didn't have any clothes for her.

    She said she's working and her schedule is Wed - Sun. from like 1:00 - 8:30pm. I told her I could watch the girls on the weekends for now, just because the baby is still so little. I am pretty sure I have PTSD from the first grandbaby and her not showing up when she says she will. Friday and Saturday went well, with her picking up the baby on time. My other granddaughter was with her dad. Sunday comes around 8:30pm turns into 9:00pm, she text me and says she's leaving her apartment...Shouldn't she be a work.... then 10:00 pm.

    I honestly felt like something might have happened to my daughter and I spoke to my husband about it and he said she's being irresponsible, but I was thinking what if something did happen to her. So I text who I think is the baby's dad and he said he would drive by her apartment to see if she's there. He said she was not, so I assumed she was on her way. He then texted again saying he found her at his house. So she finally arrives around 11:10pm saying she ran out of gas..... but the "boy friend" said she was at his house. I guess the lies continue, which has me questioning if she's even working on the weekends.... The "boy friend" did mention that he tries to be there for her, but hard to when someone lies all the time.

    This "boy friend" who we think is the baby's dad has been trying to get out of the relationship with my daughter, but I don't think she wants to give up on it, so I think she may be trying to force herself on him. She really needs to move on and I think she could possibly be depressed. You would never really know if you saw her but she only gives you what she wants you to see.

    I do worry about her making rent for December and January, but that's not my problem, but I still worry. I'm a silent worrier....I am a firm believer that if I'm going to help you need to help yourself also. I need to see that your really trying. So far I haven't really seen that, at least not yet. My hope is that she will prove all of us wrong.
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Congratulations on the new baby! I sure how that your daughter is able to pull herself together for her girls.

    I agree about helping them when we see them helping themselves.

    I do hope she proves you wrong.
  3. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    Thank you! I sure hope she does. These girls mean the world to me.

    I sure hope she does. It's going to be really tough. Just as a woman and a mother myself, I really feel for her, but then again this is where she's at because of all her horrible decisions.
  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Congratulations on the new granddaughter. Is she sleeping through the night yet? Is she a cooperative eater? I hope Dez isn't exhausted and sleep deprived. I hope her teachers are being flexible and understanding.
  5. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    Thank you!
    She is not sleeping through the night yet. When I've had her she was waking about every two hours to be fed. I know Dez is tired and she knew it would be hard, then on top of all her "boy friend" drama. I know she and the baby sleep a lot, but Mar is 3 and doesn't want to sleep all day. I will usually offer to pick her up or have her stay the night with me on the weekends her dad doesn't have her.

    I haven't heard about school at all. I know she had class on Monday nights, but that stopped a few weeks ago, so not sure what's going on with school right now. I try not to ask too many questions.
  6. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Congrats. So grateful to hear your grand baby is okay. I know how aweful it is to be manipulated by someone we have helped so much. It cant be good when the innocent are involved. My heart goes out to you.

    Hope is what we hold on to.
  7. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    Congratulations! I hope everything will work out for you. It must be very frustrating to have your daughter fall into an old pattern of irresponsibility when you are watching her 2 week old baby. Lies always make me suspect substance abuse but she also sounds really into this boyfriend so it could be that as well .
  8. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    Congratulations! I hope you are able to enjoy your grandbabies, despite the drama.
  9. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    Her lying issue goes way back, like around 18 years old. It started off as dumb stuff, that would leave me thinking, why lie about that. Now it just continues. I would take the girls in a heartbeat, but then I think, I am so close to retirement and I just wanted to enjoy some peace and quite and being able to do what I want to do. My Cass will be going to college soon and my son will be driving in another 6 months.

    Her problem was drinking and getting high on marijuana practically everyday before she got pregnant this time around. She was breastfeeding the baby but noticed that she went to more formula recently. After my first granddaughter was born she started working at a strip club as a host when Mar was 4 months old. I was watching her at night, she was living with us at the time, but I couldn't get her to leave me enough milk for the baby, like she didn't care. Then I firmly said then you need to put her on formula, because this is crazy that I have to tell you to leave me some milk to feed her. She was so anxious to stop breastfeeding. Then she became a dancer not sure when, then the heavy drinking and smoking of marijuana and I am sure some other stuff, then not showing up in the morning, or just getting home when I leave for work. She really took advantage of the situation and she knew we would care for the baby while living with us. Just writing this and thinking back gives me stress.
  10. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    I can see how that's an incredibly stressful situation to be in. Your daughter's behavior is consistent with a substance abuse diagnosis which I am sure you are well aware of.

    Setting a boundary in a situation like that would be so hard because you still want the best for the baby. And it doesnt sound like she would have stepped up had you dropped your commitment.

    My heart goes out to you. This is a tough, tough situation . Sending you love and strength.
  11. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    The boundary would be hard to enforce. I could say I won't watch the girls anymore if she doesn't show up on time, but then who will watch them? Currently Wed-Fri a cousin of mine is watching the girls with Mar's dad picking her up at 3:00, so the baby is with my cousin the longest. Maybe I should send my cousin a message saying that if my daughter doesn't show up to pick her up to call me. Would this be considered not my business?? Should I not bother?

    Leaving to Portland tomorrow. I hope I can enjoy the alone time with my husband. It's our anniversary gift.
  12. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    My opinion is that it's up to the cousin how she wishes to handle the situation. I can only control myself and set boundaries for my own life. I am learning that I only want to set boundaries I can and am willing to enforce.

    I hope you have a great trip to Portland! Enjoy yourself and your husband !